"They've made two girls unhappy to make one boy happier."

[GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal]

So said my DD, on her return from school having today, having been separated from her female partner, whom she got on really well with and worked well with, so that a boy, who didn't get on with his partner, could be sat with her instead.

It just seems like a microcosm of society in general. Let's make a large number of women unhappy, so that a small group of men can be happier.

My DD has had this too. What usually happened was they'd disrupt DD so much she would get in trouble and I'd get called in about DD failing to pay attention in class (not acting up, but not doing tasks fully as instructed). I ended up reminding the school that given DD is hearing impaired that perhaps sitting her next to the disruptive pupils as she can be a good influence wasn't working as the disruptive ones were stopping her being able to hear properly. Unfortunately due to her hearing DD is also loud so she's not best sat next to sensitive pupils of those who will use her loudness as a cover for their misbehaviour - the second has happened a couple of times caught by Teacher or TA.

@tara66

How does one know the boy is ''happy''?

Sorry, you're right, I didn't explain properly. The boys were moved at the request of one of them, because he didn't like the other. DD was - I think understandably - upset that she and her friend, who did like sitting together, were moved so that he could get what he wanted.

I don't know much about the behaviour of the kids involved, tbh, apart from my own. If it's been done for behavioral reasons, it could backfire. DD quite likes teaching - by which I mean she enjoys telling people they're wrong - but she takes no shit. She'll give as good as she gets if given a hard time.

Rainuntilseptember that’s the thing, I couldn’t complain about it as it would just make him laugh and he would just think of something worse for next time. I was also very sheltered so didn’t really understand what it was or what it was called so I couldn’t have really complained. He obviously didn’t do it while the teacher could see.

Yes that probably is a bit at the extreme, but that was the worst point after years and years of various pupils distracting me and getting away with low level bullying because they focused their energy on annoying me rather than the whole class. They did seem quieter next to me, but they weren’t actually better behaved. They also took it out on me outside of the classroom.

Ah that sounds really hard Brandaris. No way would I have put you back with him if you were in my class
Ideally we would just put a disruptive student at a desk on their own. That would usually require bigger classrooms/smaller classes so it's not going to happen in schools without a shed load of money.

@OverTheRainbow88

totally agree that using girls in the way described in many of these posts is horrid and yes

And what about using boys to buffer loud/disruptive/less able girls?

Obviously that would also be wrong, but that isn't what's being described here. And in my experience as a teacher and a parent is that it is very often girls who are used in this way and rarely boys.

Doesn't it work both ways? It's not a boy/girl thing.
I have a well behaved boy who struggles with focus sometimes and that's taken into acct when he's paired each week. Sometimes it's a boy sometimes a girl but usually not one of his 'friends' as he's too chatty with friends.
He's also been paired at times with the more disruptive kids, as he's calm and biddable. He's been paired with kids weaker at maths than him, as he's the 'swot' at maths. He's had the 'swotty' girl for English as that helps him focus on English which he's ok at but finds dull.
He's been asked to be in a friend grp with a kid who has SEN issues and finds it hard to join in playground games or be social.
He doesn't always like who he's with or understand why but as it changes frequently he's not stuck in the same situ for long, and if anything it's teaching him tolerance for others.

@TheMarzipanDildo

That used to happen to me all the time. They thought my good behaviour would rub off on them, which is not how it works- they just used to wind me up for an hour.

Yep. I ended up kicking my "partner" very very hard in the back of the knee while we were queuing for something. He went straight down (as he later did for GBH) to the floor and blamed me, the teacher said it couldn't have been me. It was completely out of character but I had been soooooo wound up by then. I was such a goody two shoes and I was racked with guilt. Didn't have to sit with him again though - I found out years later the teacher had seen the whole thing.

they do this routinely in my sons school, boy, girl, boy, girl... its just so friendship groups of boys and girls aren't sat yabbering all day.

Bloody hell. Boy/girl/boy? I used to seat my students (FE) on tables according to ability so I could set them team tasks dependent on their skills. The more able students hated having to mentor as they just wanted to get on with their work and I could then focus on behaviour on the less able ones.

I never gave a stuff about the sex of students unless I was doing pshe or tutorials, then once or twice a year I would give a separate one to each sex on dv ( coercive control/ emotional violence etc) as the boys did tend to annoy the girls with their " Its only banter, innit?"

This thread certainly brings back memories of my primary school in the 70s, where I was apparently a little snobby goody two shoes because I did well in lessons and as an only child had been brought up to be polite and quiet around adults.

We had country dancing as part of PE and I well remember being paired with the class male "scallywag" to "help him" I used to spend those lessons trying to keep his wrists in a vice like grip and myself out of the way of his sly kicks whenever the teacher wasn't looking. I hated every minute, it did zero for my dancing skills but did make me wonder if I'd make a good bouncer. If things did go awry, it was my fault for not being "nice" enough and good partner. Still makes me cross thinking about it.

Not quite the same thing I know but I get where you're coming from OP - completely.

@lazylinguist

Teachers constantly change seating plans, groups and partners around for many reasons, including the dynamics between particular kids (male or female). It's true that incidences of disruptive behaviour are higher in boys, but I'd say that 'not getting on with your partner' probably occurs just as commonly among girls as boys.

I agree wholeheartedly that trampling on women to make men happy is something that happens far too much in society, but I wonder whether this was really a boys/girls thing.

Agree

I think the difference I've notice is that yes it happened to both DS and DDs and even DH and I - but when problems were voiced boys are listened to and girls have to reach crisis point - melt down with DD1 or point blank refusing in tears with DD2- or are expected put up with the situations even if parents complain as well.

So I do think it worth mentioning and being aware of it happening more to girls.

Last week my son and his friend were separated and the troublesome girl in the class was sat next to him. Happened again in another class. In his new class- 4 troublemakers 1 boy and 3 girls. It happens to him all the time as he is bright and gets on with his work. Same thing all through PS.
It was really irritating when it happened every term in PS though it was usually boys then as they were boy heavy in that class. It's just a shitty thing that good kids end up dealing with.

Hmm not necessarily a sex issue we had to approach school when I realised dd was basically being used as a support worker for one of her friends with anxiety. I helped out on a school trip and couldn’t believe what I was seeing! Dd was missing out on important things herself to support this child weeping and wailing in a corridor.

It’s very hard when you have a “nice” decent kid who you want to help others but not at their own expense. She was missing maths which she could ill afford to do! We found this hard to deal with tbh. School immediately stopped it they knew it wasn’t right but was nice easy solution for the girls parents who were very vocal and school staff were busy. Didn’t work for me though 🙄

@MsTSwift Crikey - weeping and wailing in a corridor - there's some empathy for you. It's disgraceful that your DD was placed in that position, but have a heart.

clinky

I think it does have to he said though that there is an awful lot of kids in high schools with anxiety. Alot more than there ever used to be. I do think we have failed to teach this generation ways of dealing with things and resort to saying they have anxiety and given a time out card.

Not saying we should tell them to toughen up and get on with it but 2 out of dds friends all have these time out cards its certainly more common than it should be really. It does raise a few questions about whether we are contributing somewhat by , indulging is the wrong word really but you get the picture.

I was friends with kids who had all sorts going on and they were not acting this way.

I agree that in life, people try to keep males happy, but not sure if that is what's happening here. My dd is in an all girl class, and sometimes partners are swapped if someone is disruptive or isn't happy, and yes it often is to the detriment of other pupils who are happy with their partners.

Nice little girls are taught to placate naughty boys from when they are old enough to talk and they get called 'bossy' or 'rude' if they ever complain. I'm so sick of a lifetime of it THIS!

I agree it’s shitty that often well behaved kids get put next to those who are disruptive etc, but disagree totally that this is a girl/boy issue.

Nothing wrong with calling a girl bossy either, my niece is bossy as hell, as is her brother.

My DD and her friend were moved to help two boys in their hospitality class. She said she felt like his mother. Not sure if it is a boy/girl thing but she and her friend were getting on just fine.

By the way, DD is sixth year!

Just wanted to say, I've had a lovely, thoughtful reply to my message to DD's teacher. She says she'll talk to her and make she knows she can speak to her when she feels something is unfair, or has made her unhappy, and let her know that she'll get a say in her next seat move.

Oh, excellent! That's a good result, Greebo.

Thats fab!

My daughter's teacher actually came to find her at break to say similar. Iwas impressed she raised it before it became a problem.

Maybe they've all been reading mumsnet.

It doesn't help the more able children to sit next to irritating, badly behaved ones unless the more able child is one who really likes teaching. The more able, quiet, well-behaved child usually just wants to get on with their work.