Just for a second I really hated my husband.

[Mammatino]

I bloody did. We were having a drink yesterday afternoon in the garden talking about the things we missed about living in London. One of the things he said he missed was just sitting in a pavement bar on his own with a pint and a paper listening to the snippets of life And the diversity happening around him...and I hated him. (Well probably not hate just searing jealousy)I’ve never ever felt safe enough to do that, certainly as a young woman, some man would have sat with me to save me from embarrassment Then got angry with me because I didn’t want his company. Or wanted to feel me up for his poxy half of lager. Before my thirtieth birthday I had a bucket list and on it was to dine alone. I tried it once, it was excruciating. I don’t know what I’m trying to say here really but it makes me so sad for young girls and women that they can’t just watch life going by on their own. I’d love to have a lovely cafe bar just for women and girls to come and do just that. What Small thing do you wish you could have done if you were a man? Do you think it will ever change? Or has it changed and I've just missed the boat.

I'm sorry but what? I'm a woman and I sat in restaurants, pubs and cafes alone a bunch of times, in fact I'm doing it as I type this. I'm afraid it's only your own fear keeping you from doing this.

I've dined alone, gone to cafes on my own. I was very uncomfortable the first couple of times and I'm still getting used to it. I will talk to people and can end up chatting to all sorts (people are endlessly fascinating). TBH, I've never been chatted up by men.

Where the hell are you that this regularly happens. I do this all the time and this never happens to me?

I can't identify with this at all but I'm sorry you've had those experiences, I wouldn't think twice about drinking or eating alone in London or elsewhere, I've travelled alone, been to gigs on my own, turned up to parties where I've only vaguely known one person. I've met some brilliant and interesting people by being alone in bars!

Cross post. That's a terrible experience, OP, and I'm not surprised you feel the way you do. But that's just one experience and don't let it put you off. Good luck.

Surprised you stayed after being called a bitch by a fellow diner.

@JKRowlingIsMyQueen

I'm sorry but what? I'm a woman and I sat in restaurants, pubs and cafes alone a bunch of times, in fact I'm doing it as I type this. I'm afraid it's only your own fear keeping you from doing this.

This! I’m currently waiting for my oh to come home as I’m going on a rare shopping trip to the city centre without the kids. I’m planning on having a few cocktails and I’ve got my eye on a new Asian restaurant if I can get in (hard on Tuesday with the eat out to help out scheme). I’m a friendly, approachable person and not particularly unattractive but it’s not even crossing my mind that someone will bother me

I’ve spent many a happy hour or even hours sitting in pavement bar/cafes in Paris waiting for my husband to finish work or in our home city of Birmingham waiting to meet him.
I sometimes purposefully arrive at a bar early so as to have an hour or 90 minutes people watching.
I’ve never felt unsafe. Your pity is misguided.
I hate dining alone, but seated with a book or a phone and a drink I’m perfectly happy.

OP, I'm guessing you are a pleasant looking person, you know, you seem like you would be nice no matter what and you're also a little self conscious? This attracts the entitled as you come across as low risk and the violent reaction is that they'd already "cashed the cheque" in their head.

Practice your resting bitchy face and do it from within. If you're willing and ready to say "fuck off" when required, predators sense it. It's honestly life changing shit for a woman.

Where did you/do you live? I've gone for beers on my own in London/Dublin/Amsterdam/Barcelona (prob other places as well) - I always sit at the bar and strike up conversation with bar person (lol pre-covid obviously) in case of weirdos, and tbh I have had men being creepy, especially Dublin, but I have no problem telling them to get the F*CK AWAY from me (I'm Irish). I've been called a bitch and a psycho...but I don't really care!

I have been assaulted by strangers in the past - though this was during nights out with friends, strangely, not when I am on my own. Though also as PP have said - the worst things that have happened to me have been from men I thought were friends.

I've NEVER bee approached while eating alone. Bring a book. I'm in my early 30s and a nice meal alone is one of the great pleasures of life, please try it!

That's an awful experience.

I used to have to eat alone in hotels while I was on work training courses and it was ok until a friendly waiter started chatting to me in one restaurant and then started making inappropriate comments and suggestions so I left and went up to my room. Later on that evening he was knocking on my room door (I ignored it) so after that I always ate in my room. I probably should have reported it but assumed that I'd given out the wrong signal somehow . Nowadays, I'd be straight down and give the manager what for!

That particular incident happened in London, on Dean street. I think you are right about my own fear holding me back and I shouldn’t be beholden to it. I am really heartened to hear you guys don’t haven’t had my experience and I think it’s important to always remember that a few shitty experiences ages ago aren’t forever. I’m going to order a massive burger tie a napkin around my chin and face plant it.

I do this all the time and always have. Never had a random drink appear on my table or had a room full of people laughing at me for cutting a burger in half.

In fact I'm debating whether to go for a pint in the sunshine on the way home and watch the world go by

Oh garden bird that’s bloody frightening. I’m glad you’ve got you confidence back to stick up for yourself.

I don't know what you're talking about. This is not the impossible thing you are suggesting.

Sorry you've had those experiences. I've travelled alone a great deal and have mostly been fine, but have also had some bad experiences, so I won't pretend it's entirely risk-free. I think it's a bit like how Gloria Steinam talked about when back in the day, women were told it was too dangerous to walk about campus at night so they were given a curfew, and feminists argued for "the right to be raped" or at least to take the risk for themselves if they wanted to. That's basically the way I've looked at doing stuff as a woman alone - being aware that there may be a risk, but deciding that I'd rather experience life to the fullest than not do things because of the possible risks. I would say it does take a bit of confidence to eat or drink alone and although many women on this thread are happy to do so, I know a number of women in real life who never would. So you're not alone - but you should certainly feel free to do it when covid-ready!

I am happy to eat/drink/theater alone and have never had an issue (despite being told by my hard core feminist mother women should never drink in a pub alone!) However, I often feel unsafe abroad in some countries and get hassled a lot. I love traveling alone but I'm a bit more cautious which is sad. I think as women we probably unconsciously risk assess situations.

I'm also worried that if I was drinking a glass of wine alone and something happened (eg. drink spiked - sexual assault) that my behaviour would be judged if that makes sense? That I'd put myself in a risky situation but a guy going out for a pint on his own wouldn't be remarkable. Someone I work with regularly goes out to a random pub to watch football on his own, but I don't think women tend to do this?

OP having lunch and a glass of wine by yourself is really lovely. Take a book or the paper if you feel anxious - I also think it's a signal to other people that you are happy being on your own and not to approach you - and obviously you'll have your phone. There's just something lovely about it - you'll see! I'm sorry about your experiences, I hope you don't miss out on something you might enjoy because of them.

This is one of those threads that makes me realise how plain I must be. I have never had anyone approach me with anything but a pleasant exchange of words. I have often sat on my own waiting for my husband or sister or a friend to join me and I have never been bothered by unwanted male attention in forty odd years.
Like other posters I generally take my Kindle but I enjoy the ambience and opportunity to people watch.

I’m going to order a massive burger tie a napkin around my chin and face plant it.

I won't disingenuously insist I don't know what you're talking about, because of course I do. It's still possible, though.

I think you have been unlucky OP, I can see why it's put you off but do try again. It would be great if it were a more common sight. I've done pubs, clubs, gigs, cinema, restaurant, theatre and a festival on my own. I would have missed out on lots of things otherwise, and I don't want to take someone who isn't into that band or whatever just to have company. However I think I must somehow radiate Fuck Off, or people think I look like an oddball, or I'm lucky with the venues and types of events. Either way I tend to get left alone and if I didn't I'd move or ask staff to intervene if necessary. Like others my worst experiences have been with people I knew but I have been hassled in the street when alone and when I've been in a group in a club or bar.

You had a horrible experience with those men OP, and I can see why it put you off. But like many other PPs I can say that I have eaten by myself many times - lunch and a glass of wine is lovely by yourself, in a nice place, with your phone or a book perhaps, and never had any trouble. I've been on holiday by myself a couple of times with no hassle. I don't think I've gone to pubs much by myself except if waiting for someone who was late, but that's more because I consider pubs a place Id go with friends, its not somewhere I'd want to go alone.

I used to love going to galleries and the cinema by myself. I have two lovely kids now and a great husband, but I do miss occasional days of wandering around London pleasing myself. I hope you get the confidence to do it and enjoy it!

@MangoBiscuit do it! There are plenty of us men who’d be happy to chat, that won’t assume you are flirting. Tonnes of women have approached me and struck up conversations, and I wouldn’t naturally assume that automatically mean they had a romantic/sexual interest in me. I used to get teased by an old female friend of mine that she couldn’t leave me for 5 mins without her coming back and some woman was talking to me.

I’m quite an extrovert and love people, and I have somehow managed to to go my whole life without being told to fuck off, by any woman. I’ve tried to unpack how I do it, but a lot of it is second nature at this point, and some of it seems so common sense and obvious it’s barely worth mentioning.

1. Obviously never disturb anyone who appears busy or lost in their own thoughts.
2. I’ll make closed statements, never questions at first a chatty person will engage whereas you have given someone who isn’t interested an out

One time I got it wrong was I was at a bus stop and it was only myself and this very young looking girl waiting who was definitely in the not up for any interaction variety, but the bus wasn’t only late but didn’t turn up at all, so I went and ordered a taxi. I was a little uncomfortable leaving her there at night so I offered her a spot in my taxi if we were both going in the same direction. Turned out I was further along the route than her. She accepted, and I tried to put her at ease by being chatty, but she was clearly uncomfortable, so I left it. Maybe a mildly awkward silence until she got out, but at least I knew she got home safe.

I was a much younger man back then and wasn’t as educated on how all this must feel from a woman’s perspective, but I have always tried to do my best.

I do this all the time (eating / drinking alone) in London and feel safe. It’s pretty common now days