Facebook friend and trans rant

[Leflic]

I’m not supposed to be controversial on FB as it’s sensitive to my job ( child related). One of my gay male friends is having a massive pro trans rant specifically about JK R.

I’m finding it hard to not say something as I think we should challenge the nonsense. Any ideas of what I coukd counteract with that’s not transphobic in case he screenshots to employers?

I was thinking; “how are you defining woman? “ and leave it there.

I don't want to worry you but it will not end well. These beliefs are cult-like and if you fancy a heated discussion you CAN leave some questions there, who knows, maybe your friends will have a think- but more likely you'll just be called names and accused of murder. If your friend is already ranting massively he'll probably report you to your workplace.

I have a gay male friend who posts really anit woman stuff. I think its to try to get a rise out of me. I ignore it.
You could try pointing out how homophobic the new gender idology is?

You could try asking really stupid questions to expose the absurdity. If you feel you can pull that off. It's possibly how I would approach it if he didn't know my views and wasn't likely to find out.

How about 'i like JK Rowling and I think the abuse directed at her is unwarranted.'

If you have a "friend" you think would report you to your workplace for this, he's not a friend. De-friend him. He'll guess why, but you won't have given him any amunition.

So "what do you mean, I don't understand what a fish being able to change sex has to do with humans"?

actually, yes, what Nice said.

But yes, I don't think I'd feel very safe with him on my friends list. I would defriend, on balance. And have done in a similar situation.

Or you could post a link to that thing that's going round, with JKR's tweets and a selection of the TRA responses - all the choke on my LC, I want to beat her up stuff, and ask whether she deserved to be treated like that.

Just leave it - it’s not worth your job.

Thank you. I may well delete him, for my own sanity. But maybe not before I find the tweet Nicetoolshed suggested.

Bipsycle had a thread pointing out that there is no point addressing facts with these people. We need to talk to the lurkers.

If I wanted to challenge the status quo, I'd say 'I can't approve of the abuse she's being targeted with, particularly where it's spilling over onto threads about children's artwork.'

I would react to his post with a laughing emoji then unfriend.

Better to not engage on Facebook. You don't want issues with your job. When this kind of nonsense is challenged on public platforms like Facebook, people tend to double down and become belligerent. They know everyone else on their friends list is watching so if they publicly admit to you even a tiny bit that they might be mistaken, then it's losing face and people don't like the humiliation that comes from openly admitting you might be wrong. They cannot be seen by others as conceding to a 'TERF'.
This is a fairly human response to any kind of ideological loyalty, whether political, religious, ethnic etc.

These sort of nuanced conversations are best carried out face to face or in private chats away from other people watching. A person doesn't change their mind overnight. It takes time. If there's no privacy for this gradual shift to occur, then people tend to stay fixed in their views to save face.

Snooze him for 30 days. If you don't miss him in that time, unfriend him.

Nobody has ever changed their mind on social media and you'll drive yourself mad trying to change his.

medium.com/@rebeccarc/j-k-rowling-and-the-trans-activists-a-story-in-screenshots-78e01dca68d

Tread very carefully, or do it off social media. 'What was it you disagreed with in her statement?'

These sort of nuanced conversations are best carried out face to face or in private chats away from other people watching. A person doesn't change their mind overnight. It takes time. If there's no privacy for this gradual shift to occur, then people tend to stay fixed in their views to save face.

Agree with this.

I have a wokebeard friend who is forever banging on about trans issue. If I post anything GC, until recently he's been on me like flies on shit.

That JKR pile on link he was remarkably quiet about, though.

& I've noticed that when we've had lengthy FB rows (& boy have we had lengthy FB rows! 😁) the 'likes' are definitely starting to go my way. Sunlight!

However, if it's your job on the line, I'd do as PPs have suggested - post the JKR thing then snooze/unfriend him.

@GreenJumpers

How about 'i like JK Rowling and I think the abuse directed at her is unwarranted.'

I would do this with a link to her blog and maybe one of the mainstream news articles about what happened to her. Maybe the one by Suzanne Moore in the Guardian about cancel culture.

You are not arguing with him. He is a zealot. That's a no win situation.

You are stating what you believe in a way that is not in any way aggressive nor attacks him directly.

The lurkers and your other friends need to see it from you.

Remember too that the house of cards is starting to fall. If you work with children I expect before terribly long you will welcome being able to show a history of being GC and definitely not pro-affirmation.

Start laying the GC breadcrumbs now for the future.

I'm doing that on my social media. It is going well. Very neutral GC statements. Certainly no twitter style ranting. I don't get into arguments online at all. I have noticed it started a wave of likes then similar posts from friends/acquaintances.

Walk away and hide/delete him. It's not worth it.

I have a gay male friend who posts really anti woman stuff. I think its to try to get a rise out of me. I ignore it.

I wouldn't call some who did that a friend.

Do a soft block. You can remain friends and quit seeing his posts. He’ll never know.

I deleted twitter from my phone and did this with a few nutty people on Facebook. I feel much better.

Basically, get your own back by denying him your attention.

In your position I would just delete him as a friend. How important is he to you as a friend? Personally I couldn't be friends with a man who appears to dislike women. I'm so sick of men jumping on the TWAW bandwagon when they have no skin in the game. It's not their sports being decimated, not their crime stats being negatively skewed, not their changing/toilet facilities being targeted. Expecting women to just sit down and shut up about our hard won, sex based rights is the definition of patriarchy. The trans debate has certainly been effective in rehabilitating misogyny for the 21st century.

Problem is, the 'transphobia' threshold is so low that I can't see you being able to engage him without being considered transphobic. Women have already lost thier jobs for stating scientific fact. Unless you can afford to lose your job I would just unfollow/unfriend him.