that's perhaps why the female gender identity crowd always go on about their 'trans sisters' - it is the eroticisation of sibling equality, and it may explain some of the dynamics we see in heterosexual marriages in which the male partner transitions.
Absolutely, clownfish. The thing is though, that while women are hoping for sibling equality, what they are getting is more male dominance (just as in the free-love movement of the 60s.)
That's why I think it's important that we direct our arguments towards exposing this dynamic, rather than going down the dead-end of arguing about whether men can really be women, or whether intersex disproves the sex binary, etc.
Instead of saying, 'Humans cannot change sex, that's just SCIENCE!' (they already know that)
Or: 'Self ID will expose women and girls to predators '(they know that too, but they think trans are a more vulnerable group and their needs are more pressing - also, why are you calling trans people predators? How hateful)
Try asking: Why don't these men, who you call 'sisters', seem to care if their demands make the world less safe and equal for women and girls? Why do they insist that our needs must always be subordinate to theirs? Why do they have so little empathy for women - the group they claim to 'identify' as?
These sorts of questions will probably have little effect on hardcore TRA supporters. But for the women who are casual supporters, who are going along with it to 'be kind' and because they truly do believe that the interests of women and men who identify as women are aligned, I think they can plant a seed, help them to see the sexual power dynamics that they likely have already subconsciously sensed, but lack the language to articulate.
How can we repair the deep chasms that have opened up between us and women we once trusted? Of course women can be crap human beings but it's often good friends and family that we fall out with over this issue. That's why it's important to understand where they are coming from and to try and be kind - really kind, not performative kind. But maybe I'm being naive now.
I don't think these questions are naive. They're crucial, in fact. I hate the acrimony that has arisen between women over this. We need to find a way to have better conversations with other women that don't devolve into a shit-fight over whether 'transwomen are women'.
Our overriding problem (apart from the massive censorship around this issue, of course) is that we are having the wrong arguments. It's important, when talking to pro-TRA women, to tackle what they really believe (women and feminine-presenting men share a basic condition under patriarchy, they identify with women and we are part of the same struggle), rather than what they purport to believe (sex isn't real or meaningful because clownfish/intersex/hysterectomies).