Well, I've just come out as GC on Facebook...

[SapphireSeptember]

I watched this video this evening, and decided I couldn't keep quiet anymore. So I shared it on Facebook, along with the caption 'women are women, women's rights are human rights,' and thanked JK Rowling for standing up for women.

A male friend of mine replied with 'transwomen are women' said it was a TERF-y video and asked if I'd posted it accidentally. Guess he's no loss as a friend.

I deactivated my Twitter account this morning. It was genuinely not doing me any good. Not good for my MH or blood pressure. God the relief!!

[quote ThumbWitchesAbroad]@Bluebellbike - I am interested to know if your trans son is also on the autism spectrum. It has become apparent that the enormous rise in F-->M transitions among teenagers in particular has largely been down to many teens with ASD (not all, of course) so I just wondered if your trans son fit into that category too.
If you prefer not to answer, I completely understand.[/quote]
I don't mind saying, yes my son is on the autistic spectrum. He came out as Trans just before the huge rise in ROGD in teenage girls so there wasn't the widespread awareness of concerns on that subject at that time. The Gender Clinic did counselling and psychotherapy and he was also assessed by a local CAMHS doctor locally who had a lot of training in the diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria. That was prior to being referred to the Tavistock.

Right, at the end of the day of misogynistic twattery on Facebook I am feeling more ragingly angry about the position of women in general, and more ready to learn more about how to actually talk about GC stuff, rather than just reading about it.

Can I post things I read on social media here and then get feedback?

Here is an example:

Hi friends --
"You-know-who" has been on another transphobia run lately, and we've had a number of posts here processing that. Many of these have been from cisgender people (cis = not trans, not nonbinary, not gender non-conforming, not gender-questioning.)
It's getting to be a lot, so we'd like to try something new that weve been talking about in some threads and also in PMs -- consolidating posts by more indirectly affected members.
If you're cisgender and you would like to share thoughts with the group about this topic, we ask you to please put it here, rather than making a new original post.
We'd also recommend that you check out what trans, nonbinary, genderqueer, and other more directly affected members here are saying -- this is a good time to process by talking, and it might be an even better time to process by listening.
(If you're trans, nonbinary, genderqueer, GNC, questioning, please feel free to keep on making original posts -- part of the goal here is to redistribute space to amplify your voices!)
Image: photo of "trans people are sacred" billboard in Detroit, by artist Jonah Welch.

NewUser and JK are my hero’s!

I can confirm that Skateosarus is 100% Right about rollerderby. Breaks my heart that I am having to back away slowly from a community and a sport I love so much because my views aren’t ‘on message‘

It’s fucking obvious that the participants DONT actually think TWAW despite all the protestations. The fucking fawning that goes on when one does wander in. :(

dumbledore I don't know what kind of group that is, but are they seriously asking people to publicly out themselves as trans etc or otherwise by posting in specific places? I don't identify as 'cis' but there would probably be repercussions for me saying this on social media. Maybe a pm to the admin pointing this out?

@DumbledoreAskedCalmly

The more you copy and paste the easier it will be to doxx you.

I do love the definition of cis that person gave though ; "not this, not that, not anything".

It is a Harry Potter group with a particular focus. In a sense it's put me right at the heart of what they are saying as a lot of their posts are shaped by reactions to her.

I'm have to see how it goes re posting stuff. There is a particular thing in their community. The post I include there probably makes no sense as it is context specific.

I might post stuff from there if I want thoughts on it, or it seems commentworthy. A lot of the time it is because I can't believe it - terfs are the colonists type stuff. I didn't even understand it.

Have taken a very small step today - I quietly liked a friend who posed the JKR essay. I know it's not much. But her words have met their mark.

@Oxyiz

I'm also pretty fucking sure right now that if women were in the shitty position we were less than a hundred years ago (so, having 12+ children, always pregnant, endless cleaning and cooking, no household help or appliances, no vote, caring for multiple parents etc etc), that we wouldn't have 1000s of middle aged men desperately clamouring to be recognised as women.

Yes of course some poor people may have always had dysphoria, especially autistic or gay men who didn't fit it.

But the current wave of older men "transitioning" is so often driven by this kinky mastubatory fantasy of being a serialised schoolgirl. It is creepy as absolute fuck to watch them try to wear our skin.

Yup.

@Skateosaurus

You are so brave. I daren't come out on Facebook (I've even name changed for this post), as it would cause way too much controversy for me, I would lose my hobby which is Roller Derby as it's the most trans centric sport there is. There are a few women (mostly top level players) stating that it makes no difference at all, but it DOES!! It really does especially at the lower end of the game and privately many women agree but would never ever come out publicly saying that.

When I started playing around 7 years ago, I was really proud of the inclusive nature of the game and loved it. And I have many trans friends who are lovely, and funny and kind and amazing and I love them. But then Pips Bunce happened, and then Alex Drummond, then Lily Madigan, Jessica Yaniv, Danielle Muscato, all got me thinking ‘something isn’t right here’, and the more I looked into it, the more I realised actually if I was in America and my daughters had to race against Cece Telford or Andrea Yearwood or Jess Eastwood, I‘d have a massive issue with it. Then the Girl Guides, and I realsied that if a trans girl and my 14 year old daughter were put in a tent together and something happened (whether either party instigated it), my first question to the leaders would be ‘how was that defensible?’

I also then realsied that in a Roller Derby, women put them selves out to include trans women. I saw on on discussion group, a woman said she did not want to feel a penis on her leg/back/body when playing. She said she’s happy to play with TW but could they wear maybe a jock strap or something to cover it. This poor woman was shouted down stating it’s not the fault of the TW she has a penis and as Roller Derby is such a contact sport, maybe she was in the wrong sport. It really was awful as no one dared to stick up for her.

I love the game and find it so empowering for girls and women, to play a cool, contact sport, and in the main, that's what it is, so I’m not quite ready to leave yet, (and want it to be on my terms) but I find the community so toxic, so I’m afraid you’ve got my post. I’m a coward.

This is heartbreaking, and a classic example of what I’ve heard about so many times in so many different settings. Female socialisation at its finest/worst; women being potentially or actually excluded from groups that become mixed sex by default; the feelings of the speshul male taking precedence by such a long way over the feelings of the women the group was originally set up to cater for.

Especially sad that so many women are unhappy but daren’t say anything.

One day I hope this will be studied in history and people, from the vantage point of a better world, will try to understand what made so many people go along with this toxic misogyny, just like we try now to understand what led to the rise of any totalitarian regime in the past.

I hope against hope...

If anyone can stomach this, it's a snapshot of what JKR is having to put up with. I admit that I have a knot in my stomach after seeing it, and I'm not even the recipient of all the hate - but I could be, if I put my head over the parapet. Is it any wonder that so many people daren't, when this is the sort of shit they get in response?
medium.com/@rebeccarc/j-k-rowling-and-the-trans-activists-a-story-in-screenshots-78e01dca68d

im out on fb - for the last 18 mths of so- and the likes mean a lot to me - i know how hard it is to do. no ones said anything v negative.

i also argue on other peoples pages- thats scarier but hey. if you see people arguing and cant publicly like, do send a dm of support, it helps.

I shared JKR tweet on my Facebook page yesterday, so far 5 female friends have liked it and 1 male... no defriending just yet so I have some hope in humanity.
Early days mind but I'm hoping if anyone does disagree it can be discussed in a calm open way.

the first time is hard isnt it, but to see the likes is a relief.

Since “coming out” on social media I have been crying for 2 days. I actually had to delete my FB which means that I won’t be able to contact many of my friends and family back in the UK anymore in the same way as I just couldn’t bear to be on there carrying on as normal whe people I thought were my friends were thinking and saying horrible untrue things about me just for being GC.

I naively thought that if I explained my feelings very calmly, politely and reasonably, then people who knew me would see that I am not at all transphobic, that I wasn’t being hateful, or unkind, or exclusionary, that I would never presume to tell anybody else how to live their lives, but that I merely wanted to ask questions and raise concerns about particular issues related to trans ideology. Well, I shouldn’t have bothered. I don’t think my friends even read what I wrote or looked up the references I made. They just replied with the usual “Trans rights are human rights” which to me, was never even in question. They said it was sad that I was “threatened” and “triggered” by transwomen when I had clearly stated that I wasn’t. They asked if I also felt that black women weren’t real women, which I said was offensive. (How they can have known me for all these years and then ask me that question is just so incredibly insulting). They also denied that any trans activists have threatened GC feminists with doxxing, rape, murder or being fired from their jobs if they dare to question or even discuss the current trans ideology and its effect on women and children, even though they have seen the kind of responses JKR has been getting. Finally one of them (a woman) stated that she thought women’s potential trauma at having to share toilets with a biological man was less important than the transwoman’s trauma at having to use the men’s toilets because of all the violence trans people have suffered. And that’s when I knew the entire conversation was pointless.

Aaaargh! I just felt so frustrated and powerless when trying to talk to people who absolutely refuse to even try to understand my point of view and who are so quick to label everything I say as transphobic even when I take such pains to make it clear that I support trans people but that I just don’t agree with everything that is being done in their name. I thought my friends were intelligent and reasonable but clearly not about this. All they wanted to do was shout slogans and (fake) statistics.

These are the very same people who bang on about freedom of speech and women’s rights and fighting the patriarchy.

What the fuck is going on in the world?

FWIW These friends know that I have been sexually assaulted more times than I count - a number of which were in public toilets BEFORE self ID was even allowed.

I've seen friends say "I don't have a problem with any trans woman", the sort of thing that shows they haven't given it a moment's thought.
I've restrained from saying that if you don't have a problem with JY dragging Sikh immigrants through the courts you are massively racist.

They're not listening, it doesn't actually matter to them.

Oh Harry, that's really painful. Give it a few days though, and hopefully things will feel less intense - they also might read things from other sources. I think more and more GC people are speaking out now.

I got in a row (on someone elses page) and the person was so twisty and so...well, I thought deranged, JKR is killing people, etc etc, that I left them to it. In those cases, you just have to protect yourself.

All they wanted to do was shout slogans and (fake) statistics.
They're not listening, it doesn't actually matter to them.
I've never seen anything like it - and on one level it is frightening, but quite fascinating too. Try and be dispassionate with them, cool-headed and objective, and as I was advised recently, speak not only to them but to the galley - the quiet lurker instead.

I’m so sorry Harry, I completely understand how painful it is.

Take a few days, post here if you need support & maybe in a week reset up your account with a very limited frievds list & high privacy settings xx I know you shouldn’t have too but protecting your mental health comes first

It really means something to me to have people on here who understand. It makes me feel like I’m not the only sane person left in the world.

As I think I said upthread I feel like I’m living in an alternate universe.

I should say that part of the problem is that I live in Canada and nobody here would ever dare deviate from the party line that TWAW, no exceptions, no debate, no nuance. It’s very lonely to be GC here!

Thank you for sharing the Posie video. Courageous and inspiring.

This is why i quit fb. I'd share these things and get 1 like from a woman and a lecture on womaning from a man. And then just radio silence. 'Friends' indeed.