This is not a fucking compliment (and I'm terrified)!

[BrexpatInSwitzerland]

Sorry, need to vent in a woman friendly place. Not expecting any advice - I just don't want some random arsehole to tell me I should take it as a compliment. Because I don't!

So, this shit just happened:

I'm sitting in my kitchen in a conference call (as one does these days ... thanks, COVID) when my door bell rings.

Thinking it might be important, I open my window, headset still on, laptop in hand.

Bloke I've never met in my whole life stands outside, shopping bag in hand, smiles and says:

"Hello, gorgeous, may I come in? I've brought beer and I'm looking for a nice single lady to spend some time with due to corona loneliness!"

I'm reasonably dead pan and respond that, no, this is not an option and close the window.

This is the second time something like it has happened to me in 2 years.

It's fucking terrifying!!! I mean, cat calling, street harrassment and arsehole older colleagues staring at your boobs is bad and intimidating.

But what on the fucking planet makes these men think it's even remotely acceptable to literally ring a total stranger's doorbell and ask to be welcomed for a little business hours shag in exchange for ... fucking beer?

I might be great at keeping a straight face and delivering a "no". But I'm petrified. I'm meant to feel safe in my own 4 walls.

As mentioned, something slightly similar has happened to me before (same residence). It was dark then and I didn't get a good look at the bloke. I did today, in bright daylight. This time, he has a beard, last time he didn't. But beards grow.

I'm really not sure which scenario terrifies me more: it being the same bloke, i.e. having a stranger as a stalker who will occasionally turn up and scare the living daylight out of me, or there being more than one of these arseholes out there.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just really shaken still!

Huge sweeping statement from @TheVanguardSix

Thats disgusting. Makes me so livid that men have no clue how terrifying their actions are for women.

Also- what the heck?- how lucky has this approach been for him?! does he expect a woman to just invite a complete stranger in for a shag or what?
Also- I.m not surprised the police dont take things like this seriously- apparently theyre too busy questioning joggers and people who sit on park benches than men who could actually be fcking dangerous predators/stalkers. Urgh.

OP- forgot to say, please read the book "the gift of fear" by gavin de becker- excellent book on staying safe, i think every woman should read it.

Wow, that’s so odd and creepy.

Was recently very shocked by a message from a man on Instagram I thought was a friend. I’d posted a jokey photo of me on a night out, completely innocent, fully clothed, with my arm round a female friend and sticking my tongue out at her (because she’d been rude to me). Got three messages saying he wanted to “party” with me. Honestly thought his account had been hacked so asked him and received further messages about what my tongue might do and how I could lick him. Gross. I’m in my 50s, married with children and so is he. Guess I thought I was immune from this shit.

Agree re The Gift of Fear. It’s a bit hideous at the start re women finding themselves in horrible situations but the advice given is very good.

Scheisse.

Glad the police are taking it seriously. Could you ask your neighbours if they have noticed anything odd?

I’d be tempted to use the speakerphone rather than opening the window, from now on. You shouldn’t have to, of course, but it might help a bit.

As an English speaker and someone who clearly looked foreign I used to get a lot of attention when I lived abroad.... although he wrote in dialect so he clearly thinks you are au fait. Often my attention would involve attempts to communicate in English. Sigh.

Good luck.

Until stalker was mentioned, I found the OP really funny! I think it's your style of writing. I would be scared too and a bit shaken to be honest.

Please don't call the Police, not yet. If one more tiny little thing happens - then call them.

I will say though, Police likely won't do a great deal besides issue a Harassment Information Notice; which could lead to arrest if, after being issues, you then have substantial evidence of further incidences.

Other than that, they can't or rather, won't do a lot else.

@EveryoneLoves09876 @Jaxhog 911?? OP isn't in America?!

Just be aware some of the men like this (in Geneva?) expect to be paid for services. Very apparent in a recession. Nothing new.

Before I paid anyone a grand, I'd be putting a post up in my local Facebook group, to see if he's done it to anyone else.

Last year someone I know was walking out of our local park when a man started harassing her and following her home. She got a photo of him, put it on Facebook with description of incident. Three or four other women came forward with similar stories. Someone else identified him as working in local kebab shop, police went in and gave him a warning. He hasn't been seen since.

What, the weirdo wrote on your balcony then turned up later that day? That’s so bonkers!

That’s worrying. It’s terrifying.

Do you have a peephole and a safety chain or anything for security?

Could you put a Mr and Mrs (surname) door name plate on your door so it looks like you’re not single?

Your address must be posted somewhere. As a pp said try googling for your address and escort or massage or hookups or something.

Does no-one else just think it was a drunk/drugged idiot trying it on? Unpleasant of course but I don’t think my mind would leap to a stalker/sadist/burglar.

Wow! Maybe time to get back onto Facebook then!

(Somewhat ironically, I actually deleted my Facebook due to creepy PMs - so, everyone who's posted about getting them, I guess that's horribly common!)

Just be aware some of the men like this (in Geneva?) expect to be paid for services. Very apparent in a recession. Nothing new.

At the risk of sounding horrifically naive: do you mean like door-to-door prostitution? Or door-to-door beer sales?

.... although he wrote in dialect so he clearly thinks you are au fait.

Again, indicating that he has got to be a stranger. I do, in fact, speak very decent German. But I don't speak any dialects at all. I understand some to a reasonable degree (though not perfectly), but I find reading it virtually impossible. Anyone local who knows me would be aware (people sometimes text in dialect and I'll usually have to ask them to write it again in standard German).

I think it’s more than likely he’s got your address mixed up with a brothel or it’s been wrongly posted on a hook up site or something, as a previous poster said. Even nice areas can have them! It’s shit though, defo not a compliment, but not sure what you can do other than call the police if you’re feeling threatened.

What, the weirdo wrote on your balcony then turned up later that day? That’s so bonkers!

That happened 2 years ago. Incident in the OP happened today.

To be fair, I simply don't know if it's the same bloke. It might not be.

Then again, I think (hope!) It mustb just be really incredibly unlikely for someone to be approached by a stranger within their home twice in as many years. It's so outlandish that it's got to be unusual.

Then again, maybe not. I wasn't expecting so many other posters to have experienced vaguely similar stuff.

God OP that's creepy, entitled and awful behaviour from this man. I'm enraged on your behalf. Sorry this happened to you, have some

I don’t get it - if he’s a complete stranger how does he know you’re alone? Is he watching you? It’s bizarre!

Definitely call the police like they said. Dont open the window to him and if you can subtly take a photo with your mobile do so, he may be a known creep.

That does sound terrifying, I find it hard to believe that it's two different blokes.

Are personal safety alarms legal/available there? It might be an idea to keep one on you.

So sorry this happened to you.

Sorry this has happened to you but as other pp have said, I dont think it's regular or even irregular harassment.
I really don't think a man would do this randomly. They're human too and it would be excruciatingly embarrassing. They wouldn't do.it without one of below situations.

1)It must be that someone (enemy/ ex? Woman you've wronged?) has put your address as a brothel or on a hook up site, or even in paper form. (Ring this number for sex. / Free sex at 123 Your Street. Bring beer).

Or it could be a stalker and same man both times.

Very strange. Are you sure that it’s not an address mix up?

Well, I've been searching whatever I can find (and using different search engines and Tor, too). Apparently, there's a street by the same name in about every other town in Central Europe. I've found a shoe shop, a gym and commercial space for hire under the same street name and house number. And a specialist cheese shop if I change the order of the digits in my house number. But nothing even remotely suggestive unless you buy into the whole pizzagate thing and believe that "restaurant" is, in fact, code for "illegal sex stuff". Having said that, stuff like forums is often not fully indexed for search, so I suppose all bets are off on that front.

I really wouldn't know who would want to mess with me either. Couldn't think of any exes, (former) friends, or (ex-)bosses or employees who'd wish me harm. I did once blow the whistle on something illegal in the workplace - but the people involved shouldn't even knkw this was me and - even if they extrapolated - they wouldn't know where I live and the whole thing happened after the 1st incident, so they wouldn't have had a motive back then.

Anyway ... it's getting late here and I really should go to sleep.

Naturally, I'm far too afraid to actually go to sleep.

But then, I'm also too afraid to go back to the kitchen and work through the night - in case he comes back and sees my lights are on.

But sitting awake in the dark is one of my irrational fears at the best of times.

I know I'll get over this eventually - but also it's going to take a while until I settle down again and don't feel on edge.

Sorry to hear how much it’s affecting you. I completely understand why you are scared.

FWIW, I wouldn’t rule out it being a random tik tok dare kinda thing rather than a stalker.

But I’d be wondering if there was a way to set up a camera looking out from your kitchen.

Keep posting if you find it helps.

Wow that would massively creep me out. Coming to your door..have had blokes try it on when I have been in the shop and they were buying beer or whatever, asking if I wanna go to theirs, or mine, etc. But never turning up at my door!