This is not a fucking compliment (and I'm terrified)!

[BrexpatInSwitzerland]

Sorry, need to vent in a woman friendly place. Not expecting any advice - I just don't want some random arsehole to tell me I should take it as a compliment. Because I don't!

So, this shit just happened:

I'm sitting in my kitchen in a conference call (as one does these days ... thanks, COVID) when my door bell rings.

Thinking it might be important, I open my window, headset still on, laptop in hand.

Bloke I've never met in my whole life stands outside, shopping bag in hand, smiles and says:

"Hello, gorgeous, may I come in? I've brought beer and I'm looking for a nice single lady to spend some time with due to corona loneliness!"

I'm reasonably dead pan and respond that, no, this is not an option and close the window.

This is the second time something like it has happened to me in 2 years.

It's fucking terrifying!!! I mean, cat calling, street harrassment and arsehole older colleagues staring at your boobs is bad and intimidating.

But what on the fucking planet makes these men think it's even remotely acceptable to literally ring a total stranger's doorbell and ask to be welcomed for a little business hours shag in exchange for ... fucking beer?

I might be great at keeping a straight face and delivering a "no". But I'm petrified. I'm meant to feel safe in my own 4 walls.

As mentioned, something slightly similar has happened to me before (same residence). It was dark then and I didn't get a good look at the bloke. I did today, in bright daylight. This time, he has a beard, last time he didn't. But beards grow.

I'm really not sure which scenario terrifies me more: it being the same bloke, i.e. having a stranger as a stalker who will occasionally turn up and scare the living daylight out of me, or there being more than one of these arseholes out there.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just really shaken still!

As someone else suggested, it may be your address or a similar one is posted online, or, if you haven't been living there long, the place itself may have been used as a brothel or similar before you lived there.

TheVanguardSix: She didn't say he didn't ring the doorbell.. she said he didn't ring a bell i.e. she doesn't recognise him.

I'm off to google myself.

Actually, strike that, I'm in tech and have some great contacts in the cyber security space. I'll ring the biggest crack I know and offer them a grand to do it on my behalf. They'd know where to look.

phone the police

No. Just no. That’s completely not acceptable. He is trespassing for starters, & harassing you. Who the hell does he think he is? Who does that? What nasty, inappropriate behaviour. Report this ASAP.

A grand?!

she said he didn't ring a bell i.e. she doesn't recognise him.

You know those times when you just need to shuffle into The Stupid Box and stay there? This is one of those times. Sorry, OP. I feel like an arse. Off I go, to hide in my box.
Amazingly, English is my first language! I should have known what you meant!

Is recommend a doorbell cam like ring or similar. As it will help you feel a bit safer. This is very strange.

TheVanguardSix hapoens to me all the time ...

And, yes, a grand. The going rate for a senior IT professional is several hundred an hour around here. Welcome to banking land!

Definitely call the police and get a camera for the front of your house! If it’s the same guy he’ll try again and you can have evidence

Well, I live in a block of flats and don't own the building, so cameras, special door bells and orher gadgets are basically out of the question, I'm afraid.

Also, CCTV is nowhere near as ubiquitous around here as it is in the UK. It'd cause a riot in the neighbourhood.

I don't want to move as I like my place - but if this ever happens again, I think I will!

Call 911 and report it. This would be terrifying at the best of times. But now?

I recommend getting a camera that shows movement just in case he's outside - as a deterrant but also to get any images.if it happens again. It sounds like you made your feelings pretty clear.

Oh wait so he was outside your flat door or the main entrance?

Honestly I'd call 911 so you have ongoing evidence if it happens again.

get a ring (or other smart) doorbell, records

How weird. Men can be like this though. The amount of pervy messages, in my others folder on Instagram is slightly worrying. They think it's a compliment saying hello and you look gorgeous, but it makes me feel sick.

Why, how, are men so delusional that this is what they think will get them laid??? Very deeply creepy. Is this what porn teaches them?

I’ve had something like this and yes it is scary. Your in your home and some one is threatening your safe space.

1. Some absolute rat knocked on my door and asked for my number. It was day light and I was putting my child’s dinner out. I slammed the door in his face. I don’t know why I didn’t call anyone.

2. a pissed up man knocked on and asked if he could use my phone I told him no and shit the door. He then knocked on I wouldn’t open the door so asked to use the toilet through the letter box so I shouted at him to fuck off through the door. I then rang my Bil and he came round and found him at the bottom of my street and he dragged him away

On the second occasion my dd has just gotten out of the bath and just had a towel round her and I never felt so vulnerable for us both in my life.

Hope your ok!

Really creepy, Brexpat! I can imagine how freaked out you must be!

Maybe if you speak to your landlord or housing association and explain why you want the extra security, they'd allow you to get a ring doorbell put up?

Failing that, if you have any windows that would give a view of people approaching your front door, you could get a camera set up on the inside. We used to have a really cheap basic one inside facing outwards.

I'm shocked by the hook up site mistake/revenge idea. I had never heard of that before. Definitely worth looking into it.

Just as an FYI in Switzerland you would call 112 or 117, not UK 999 and not US 911. Glad you called the coppers, OP. Worth logging for sure!

Oh wait so he was outside your flat door or the main entrance?

Main entrance, both times. I just happen to be in the flat right next to the main door, so when someone rings unexpectedly I'll usually open the kitchen window to see who's there.

Which also means, yes, I live on the ground floor. Normally considered to be great due to it having a spacious garden instead of a balcony. Not so great under these circumstances as it also means no need to scale any walls to make it to my patio door.

For context, this is a really "nice" neighbourhood. The kind of place where people don't drive a Merc - but it's for environmental reasons, and corporate executives grow the stupid vegetable patches that they use as annoying metaphors for financial trends in conference calls all week.

I let my four year old play in the garden with the neighbours while looking on from inside and regularly walk home by myself in the middle of the night. I've never felt remotely unsafe doing any of this.

I do feel incredibly vulnerable with this!

Very weird. Must be same person. Report again.

BobbinThreadbare123

Indeed, yes. And it's 117 the bloke from the police non emergency line said to ring if this happens again.

For people in the UK, that's basically the equivalent of 999 (but police only). I.e. emergency with immediate assistance required.

TBH, I'm not sure this makes me feel safer. If the police think it warrants an emergency call, it actually makes me feel rather more nervous.