Trying to do social distancing when you're invisible

[EoinMcLovesCakeJumper]

I am a middle-aged woman, and I'm more or less used to being ignored in public. Usually it's quite pleasant to be able to get on with my business without being bothered, although the downside is that I get bumped into and barged off pavements a lot, mostly by men my age or younger.

I thought that in these times of social distancing, people would be extra-vigilant and careful to look where they're going, but no - the same thing is continuing to happen. When I go out for my daily exercise walk, I'm being constantly forced to step into the road or duck into random doorways and side streets to avoid people coming towards me in the other direction, with clearly no intention of moving away. I don't know if they genuinely don't see me, or if they do and just assume that, being a woman, I'll be the accommodating one and get out of their way. And yes, it is still men who are doing it. Is this another example of men taking their space in the world for granted and expecting everyone else to fit around them?

I am a woman with a child. I am not ‘blaming women’ with children without actually having reason at all. And I have pushed a Pram on footpaths as well. I am very well aware of the space needed to navigate. I have absolutely not forgotten.

And of course, not all parents are like that.

I am saying that too many parents in my area do not teach their kids to move and allow people through on the footpath when they are walking abreast. And often it is because they themselves do not make way for others, it makes me feel just as invisible as when a man barges into me. And this includes as many fathers as it does mothers.

And I am talking about footpaths 4 metres wide!!!

Perhaps unwisely, I'm going to take the bait and respond.

Delighted as I am that not everybody has to put up with being repeatedly barged into, I get barged into a LOT. Would that it were 'one or 2 isolated incidents' but it isn't. Yes, I am a fairly nondescript middle aged woman but guess what, it doesn't happen to my male friends.

'Whingy and whiny'? No, justifiably annoyed by predominantly men intruding into my personal space and touching me especially during a pandemic when WE are ALL being asked to social distance to save lives.

Don't make eye contact, just keep walking and have a heavy bag on your shoulder to barge them with if they try to push past you

Just hold your arm(s) out to delineate the space you need. If they can do so, most people will move rather than barge your arm.

Also, use your voice. 🤷‍♀️

Are older women really not noticed/ seen, or just not thought to be important/ worthy of moving for?

It's interesting to me, as the worst examples of this sort of behaviour happened to me when I was heavily pregnant and thus incredibly visible. My DH even noticed men giving me annoyed looks when they had to move around me in the supermarket

I think bulk and speed matters. Also a determined expression can scare people.

At present OP, wear a mask, brightly coloured for extra attention (see other thread re making masks), it might help selfish idiots avoid you.

I found when I was heavily pregnant the male gaze thing stopped which was lovely tbh but they still noticed me. Often before they saw the bump and you saw it switch off!

The not noticing due to being older I was liking bit starting to find downsides.

The pavement thing is I think a basic animal thing. I've seen it with DH, he's big and people just automatically get out of his way. He doesn't have to do anything, it's how his world is. He is not as good as I would like at the distancing thing tbh. He's doing it but I think he's just much less aware of who is around as he never had to be.

When we lived in the US I never had a man not give way to me. To bash into a woman would be seen as a fairly scummy thing to do. Only when we came back here did I really notice that men don't give way. I've found it even worse in France/Germany. American men will by and large let you through the door first etc.

That is exactly my experience ShieldPrintersNeeded

London and I am bumped and jostled .
New York the crowd parts to let me walk through

What a ridiculous, straw man comment. Pretty par for on here of course where any departure from the state of being constantly oppressed or ignored is either is not believed or responded to with this sort of made up clap trap.

Oh I'll probably be scolded for being rude- well put that down to my not being oppressed by the female socialisation to be nice

Oh I'm the last person to scold you for being rude. I only typed this reply to tell you to fuck off after all.

Stop dead, say loudly on your phone "hello, oh yes just out for a walk". People who are walking have to move around obstacles such as people not moving and talking loudly means you cannot be ignored.

Have you tried coughing...?

Thing is - when I was a stressed mum of small DCs did I fanny around pushing my pushchair (pushchairs in those days) around elderly ladies, I expect I was too busy and possibly stressed (toddlers/ new baby) to notice.
And moving onto the road when someone approaches - that depends if you are facing the traffic or not. If you have your back to the traffic and randomly step or jog onto the road you are being careless.
I think I have found the odd jogging male expect me to move out of the way but I suspect they expect everyone to move old men/ old women / groups of teens. It's not just me.

I think it’s unconscious for a lot of men. Remember carrying heavy groceries through Camden once. Heavy so I decided to take a straight course to bus stop. Men bumping into me non stop! We both assuming I as younger smaller woman would swerve around them and when I didn’t - crash. Eye opening!

... I only typed this reply to tell you to fuck off after all...

LOL

(I identify as a thirteen year old)

I sometimes find it helpful to just stop still and then the other person is more likely to change their pattern of walking

I wonder why people are saying that women with buggies are the worst. I push a buggy (for my job) and genuinely would actually expect people to go around me. I am generally a considerate person but it's not easy to be getting out of the way with a buggy but it's much easier on foot.

Agree I wouldnt expect someone with pram or pushchair to move on to the road or an elderly person or someone with a walking stick. I would expect these people to stick to one side of the pavement though probably the side away from the road, and find people in the middle of the pavement and couples who expect everyone else to move whilst they occupy the pavement annoying

I've been walking the dog in the woods every day.
I have actually seen more people than normal. Out for daily exercise I guess.
Everyone has been ostentatiously standing aside.
The only ones who didn't were a couple of kids - boy and girl - who seemed oblivious.
Although, I've never been barged off a pavement pre-lockdown either.

I used to swim a lot, and this is how men behave in swimming lanes too

I quit swimming because of two entitled women who swam together, slowly, talking and took up the space of about three lanes, and drifted left to right so you couldn't even avoid them.
The men (and odd woman) who power up and down at speed went in a small, separate lane for that.

Funnily I find men see me get in to a swimming pool and think I am fair game to barge me out of their way.
The only thing is I can out swim most people and it is me who is doing the overtaking