Trying to do social distancing when you're invisible

[EoinMcLovesCakeJumper]

I am a middle-aged woman, and I'm more or less used to being ignored in public. Usually it's quite pleasant to be able to get on with my business without being bothered, although the downside is that I get bumped into and barged off pavements a lot, mostly by men my age or younger.

I thought that in these times of social distancing, people would be extra-vigilant and careful to look where they're going, but no - the same thing is continuing to happen. When I go out for my daily exercise walk, I'm being constantly forced to step into the road or duck into random doorways and side streets to avoid people coming towards me in the other direction, with clearly no intention of moving away. I don't know if they genuinely don't see me, or if they do and just assume that, being a woman, I'll be the accommodating one and get out of their way. And yes, it is still men who are doing it. Is this another example of men taking their space in the world for granted and expecting everyone else to fit around them?

I encounted two (separate) male joggers on a narrow pavement.

As they approached I could see they were in 'tunnel vision' and hell bent on keeping their path so I had to jump into the road.

I'm 46 short and slightly fat so.unfortunately I've experienced Patriarchy Chicken.

Don't get me started again on the men (predominantly older) who cough without covering their gobs.

This could be an interesting experiment.
I am 5ft 8 old woman and possibly because I am tallish this isn't a big problem. But, of course, being a considerate person I often am the one to give way. I hadn't really thought about it before.

So
Day one - wear a brightly coloured jacket, or scarf or hat - record results.
Day two - wave a large hanky around as they approach and wipe your nose.
Day three - cough occasionally as they approach.
Day four - march very determinedly, see if you looking bolshy helps.
Day five - smile broadly and give a cheery hello, isn't this virus awful.
Day six - make a point of catching their eye and looking steadily at them
etc etc.

Then add your results here

I stop and glare. I was a secondary teacher, so I have a good glare. I also make sure I’m on the inside of the pavement so couples/groups have to break into single file to avoid the road, or barge one another into the road. Sometimes it’s quite funny.

Definitely get on the inside of the pavement, stick your chest out so you're not slumped, etc. I used to love patriarchy chicken. The confusion and slight panic on their faces when they were about to collide!

I too am accompanied by germy small children, people were crossing the road even more than usual to avoid us yesterday. I recommend this method.

A friend who does martial arts explained this to me, roughly paraphrased he said: 'humans are social creatures, we subconsciously take cues from others to predict their actions and subconsciously signal our intentions to others (e.g. directing gaze); we also 'telegraph' our intentions by altering our movements in anticipation of the next movement and/or tensing certain muscle groups. For example, even if you're walking in a straight line, if you're worried that you're about to veer left, your gait will alter so that it's easier to veer and when you're about to throw a punch, you tense your shoulder joint and straighten your spine long before you move your arm.'

When you're on the street, if you visualise the other person veering out of the way (this requires you to be completely honest with yourself, you can't hold the expectation that they're going to move) you will telegraph that you're going to continue on a straight path. Interestingly, this tends to filter the unthinking from the prejudiced: I've found the unthinking will move (the majority) while the prejudiced will stop dead because they're unused to the situation (a minority).

Personally, I tend to compromise and visualise both of us making a 50:50 concession since you supposedly telegraph how much you intend to move, as well as simply the direction.

When people on these threads say "I don't know what you're talking about, that's never happened to me.." I always think to myself - I know exactly why that's never happened to you mate, it's because...

And it's the next bit that'd get my post deleted.

AngryTruckDriver it might surprise you to learn that men don't hold doors open for me either, being outside the category of women that they tend to notice. It's usually me who stands there like a wally, holding the door while they wander through looking at their phones and ignoring me.

I have this happen to me.

I swear I could rob a bank and no one would be able to describe me.

However, we went to New York a couple of years ago and walking down busy streets people seemed to open up around me and I walked straight through the middle of everyone with not so much as a bump all the time we were there.

London and I am banged into and it is me who is expected to dodge anyone coming in the opposite direction.

One thing that always confuses me in threads like these is who sets the "rule" on who has right of way?

99% of the time, it's not about right of way. It's about 1 person not moving slightly over so 2 people can walk past each other without 1 having to stop or set in the road.

I don't think I've noticed a sexed difference to this.
The worst culprits in my experience are teenagers in large groups who are oblivious of anyone else.
But two women chatting are often just as bad.
I do the strategic move to the inside of the pavement to avoid being shoved off into the road and I also do a sort of middle distance glazed look as if I'm not quite aware of there being anyone else there. It's quite amusing sometimes to make someone have to acknowledge my presence and change direction. A lot of people seem distinctly annoyed.
I also found that when I had small children a huge amount of people seemed to think we should walk in the road to get by them. That's when a pushchair at the height of their ankles and a breezy 'ooops!' when they careened into it worked well. Assuming your child was in no danger.

I swear I could rob a bank and no one would be able to describe me.

...is a phrase that's constantly on my lips.

Nice to meet you, identical brain-twin!

The worst culprits in my experience are teenagers in large groups who are oblivious of anyone else

But two women chatting are often just as bad

If you're trying to get past these groups then with teenagers there is usually one who notices and herds the others out of the way.

I agree 2 or 3 women walking and talking together are often completely unaware of anyone else.

Dh told me that as you drive on the right (in Europe) then you should walk on the right side of the pavement. We were in Prague when he told me and honestly it was a revalation.

DD calls it "the murder walk" - you need to give off the impression of being a crazed serial killer who might or might not (depending on how you're feeling) start swinging swords around while still marching forwards. Worked a treat on swarms of Y10 boys at school .

I have seen it and occasionally experienced it. I cannot honestly say the perpetrators are always men. I think women with baby buggies are by far the worst offenders and, unlike teens who are usually oblivious, they have less excuses.

Then again I do the murderer walk as a rule wherever I'm going (30 years as a London commuter). I also have no issue with pulling up door droppers. Good manners cost nothing as DGM used to say.

For those who have not seen the murder walk:

I know what you mean. I am invisible too. But I like being invisible. I’ve worked most of my life towards becoming invisible. It is actually very liberating to be able to ghost around.

I am finding some of the posted “solutions” are actually to pretend the other person coming towards you is invisible so that they have to give way. So you are all doing it to each other. Making the other feel invisible.

Yes, plan, just what I was thinking.

The only people I experience doing this to me are other women. Sometimes with a smug 'I won you got out of my way' smirk. Even had a lady in John Lewis walk into my space from across the shop, say 'excuse me' in a very nasty way and I did move, out of shock more than anything. She seemed to think I was below her. I've not had a man do that. Haven't been out in 2 weeks so can't say relating to CV.

Thanks for posting, OP. I came onto MN to see if anyone else is experiencing this. I am and it was driving me absolutely crackers.

I live in a town where people are refusing to social distance and enjoying lavishly coughing over other people when they're not sweeping me off the pavement and into the roads which are still busy. I'd rather not die of Corona but equally I don't want to get mowed down by a car, thank you very much.

Over the past few days, I have detoured into muddy fields, through puddles, into side alleys, you name it and I've done it to keep a social distance. In shops, I've been barged and pushed. I've been shouldered aside by joggers who, it seems have right of way on every way. I have lost count of the comments, sneers and names I've been called for moving out of other peoples' way.

Interestingly, the one and only time that somebody moved for me on a walk that somebody turned out to be a nurse who had some choice words to say about why not keeping a social distance during a pandemic is not an intelligent idea. I'm paraphrasing greatly here.

Since then, I've happily moved out of ignorant, selfish, pig ignorant peoples' way. If they want to catch and / or transmit Corona then that's up to them. I don't.

Most pavements arent 2m wide so either someone goes on to the road or you pass slightly closer. Couples walking down the middle of the pavement with a dog are the worst pavement hoggers in my opinion. Is 2 stick guy mentioned above moving himself in to the road 50% of the time? I doubt it

I have never experienced this pre or post Coronovirus.

Well if you haven't experienced it I guess it must not happen to anyone.

Everyone was very courteous when I had to go to the shop - except for one man who barged past me - there wasn't even any need, there was plenty of space to get past. In the queue a man kept coming closer - I ended up having to as him to observe the distancing.