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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Trying to do social distancing when you're invisible

98 replies

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 27/03/2020 15:31

I am a middle-aged woman, and I'm more or less used to being ignored in public. Usually it's quite pleasant to be able to get on with my business without being bothered, although the downside is that I get bumped into and barged off pavements a lot, mostly by men my age or younger.

I thought that in these times of social distancing, people would be extra-vigilant and careful to look where they're going, but no - the same thing is continuing to happen. When I go out for my daily exercise walk, I'm being constantly forced to step into the road or duck into random doorways and side streets to avoid people coming towards me in the other direction, with clearly no intention of moving away. I don't know if they genuinely don't see me, or if they do and just assume that, being a woman, I'll be the accommodating one and get out of their way. And yes, it is still men who are doing it. Is this another example of men taking their space in the world for granted and expecting everyone else to fit around them?

OP posts:
TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 29/03/2020 12:24

It is this OP :” or if they do and just assume that, being a woman, I'll be the accommodating one and get out of their way. ”

I used to swim a lot, and this is how men behave in swimming lanes too

ThePankhurstConnection · 29/03/2020 12:27

I used to swim a lot, and this is how men behave in swimming lanes too

That's true, I hadn't thought about this until you said it. I always found myself having to swim aside to avoid collision - it was clear they had no intention of moving.

Original poster
EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 29/03/2020 12:30

It just happened again at the supermarket. I saw somebody I know outside in the car park; we were just having a bit of a chat at the appropriate distance, when a man just walked straight through the middle of our space. There was plenty of room to go around us if he'd even noticed we were there, which he didn't appear to.

OP posts:
BeetrootRocks · 29/03/2020 12:37

Yes I have noticed this and I told DH and he started observing and noticed too.

Also it's me they don't make room for. People get out of his way anyway normally because he's big.

For the men I think it's not 100% conscious, but is definitely related to dominance.

Chiochan · 29/03/2020 13:13

I was the only person on the top deck of the bus to work (work in sector that needs to keep working) and two middle aged men came and sat next to me, on an EMPTY bus. WTF

Chiochan · 29/03/2020 13:14

I dont think they were aware I was there.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 29/03/2020 13:15

I used to have this the most when I was out with my eldest as a toddler weirdly (walking - he didn't really use a buggy as an early walker)

When people came towards I started off by tucking him out of the way, but it didn't seem to work - people still seemed incapable of avoiding us - with shopping bags clouting him, dog leads or whatever. So I started just taking his hand, holding him in front of me and just stopping, and letting them negotiate around us - I got some really bizarre looks and tutting for that!

The worst was walking down a wide pavement, and a woman coming towards us (on the pavement) on her bike. DS1 froze, panicked and tripped over his own feet when she was 6' away, grazing his face. She didn't even bother stopping just raised her eyebrows at me and cycled on down the pavement. I was too busy with a scared, hurt toddler to chase after her and give her what for.

I have to say, that at least in my area, the youngsters are generally excellent - yes, hanging around in groups, but I've had them notice I had a little one, and wait next to me at the crossing for the green, get put their bike onto the road (when walking it) etc. it's the 30s/40s/50s oblivious men who walk into me mainly, and the occasional older woman who seems affronted we exist and are in her way.

HorseRadishFemish · 29/03/2020 13:47

Well if you haven't experienced it I guess it must not happen to anyone.

lol..

Why on earth do people tell us that things haven't happened to them?

Fucking weird.

DidoLamenting · 29/03/2020 14:02

ThePankhurstConnection

I have never experienced this pre or post Coronovirus

Well if you haven't experienced it I guess it must not happen to anyone

What a ridiculous, straw man comment. Pretty par for on here of course where any departure from the state of being constantly oppressed or ignored is either is not believed or responded to with this sort of made up clap trap.

Oh I'll probably be scolded for being rude- well put that down to my not being oppressed by the female socialisation to be nice.

DidoLamenting · 29/03/2020 14:06

HorseRadishFemish

Well if you haven't experienced it I guess it must not happen to anyone.

lol..

Why on earth do people tell us that thingshaven'thappened to them?

Fucking weird

Lol? Are you 13?

I suppose it's a shock for some of you that not everyone lives in your little bubble chamber of constant oppression.

And what a ridiculous comment anyway- the thread is premised on the unproven assumption that all women over a certain age are invisible. That's patently not true and saying so is a valid comment.

HorseRadishFemish · 29/03/2020 14:06

Seriously tho' when someone on here describes something that has happened to them what is the actual point you are trying to make by commenting that it has never happened to you?

Genuinely want to know what motivates you to do that.

DidoLamenting · 29/03/2020 14:13

Are you seriously only interested in posts which validate the "ooh it's awful being a woman line"?

Are you seriously only interested in only one view?

Are you intent on shutting up anyone whose experiences are different?

Well I know the answers to that.

I'm not even convinced this so called invisibility is even true. I suspect that one or 2 isolated incidents get blown out of all proportion because they are bolstered up by the negative mindset instilled in some women by the constant iteration that women are always oppressed.

This mindset isn't empowering for women- it's just whingy and whiny.

BeetrootRocks · 29/03/2020 14:16

Who has said oooh it's awful being a woman?!

The thread is about men, for a start!

roonilwazlibismynickname · 29/03/2020 14:16

I have to say that like a pp I find it is women who mow me down more than men. Again with that slightly smug ‘I’m more important’ presence. When I was pregnant and now I have the buggy I find that on the whole men and younger people give way for let me through whereas middle aged women in particular really don’t. I find it upsetting that women who have probably been in the same boat as me now are so unhelpful or down right obstructive to a mum with a small child.

SarahTancredi · 29/03/2020 14:18

I usually play this game but I've had to forgo it for now as well I dont wanna take my chances right now...

I was invisible earlier though when a security guard walked right into my space to speak to someone behind me.

So much for social distancing

HorseRadishFemish · 29/03/2020 14:18

Are you intent on shutting up anyone whose experiences are different?

No, that's clearly your thing:

I'm not even convinced this so called invisibility is even true.

HorseRadishFemish · 29/03/2020 14:19

Read all about it:

Women are * "whingy and whiny*"..

BeetrootRocks · 29/03/2020 14:21

My DH noticed men doing this to me after I mentioned it.

I don't think he's identifying as a whiny whingy woman today.

HorseRadishFemish · 29/03/2020 14:22

Go on be charitable - give us all some empowerment lessons.

Will it involve a pole? Or removal of clothing?

Original poster
EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 29/03/2020 14:43

Clearly my experiences are all in my head because I have a persecution complex?

I never said that all women above a certain age were apt to be ignored, just that I find it happens to me a lot. Good for you if it doesn't happen to you, but I don't see why your experience is more valid than mine.

OP posts:
User56781234 · 29/03/2020 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBewildernessisWeetabix · 29/03/2020 22:23

I had forgotten about the trolley stroller baby machines. Oh Em Gawd!
Some people use them as a path clearing device. I have had the bruised ankles to prove it.

Winesalot · 29/03/2020 23:05

Actually, I get regularly crowded off by parents who do not remind their kids to make way for oncomers. Often because the parent is too busy talking to their friend walking beside them. The path is 3-4 m wide and I am one medium build women jogging slowly to the extreme left. There is plenty of room. But I feel invisible. Until I run into a backpack that has been swung at the moment I pass and the parent gets angry at me. Or my elbow accidentally hits someone (genuinely accidental).

So, yes. There is patriarchy chicken, but I feel invisible to other women too.

OccasionalKite · 30/03/2020 00:39

Women with a pram and/or small children actually do need more space.

Sole men who tend to do most of the barging - less so. ]

Please stop blaming women for having children. It takes both a female and a male to make a child.

TheBewildernessisWeetabix · 30/03/2020 05:24

I do not criticize people pushing prams or wheelchairs or strollers for needing more space. They absolutely do, but whacking into you while you are standing still is an inconvenience created by the engineers who designed the space for men walking singly despite the fact that women and children have been around for quite a long time.