Father sleeping in same bed as daughter

[Kellyc8911]

Please can anyone help with some advice I have a court order regarding my daughter who has to stay at her fathers every other weekend she is 9 years old and sleeping in the same bed as her father in a shared house that I do not know who the other tenants are. My daughter is quickly developing in her body and I have stated that I am not happy with them sharing a bed or in a shared house where she has no other privacy. Am I wrong for wanting the sleeping arrangements to stop as I don’t agree with this at all and feel I need to break my court order as social services recommend me to get a solicitor and I have tried this but I do not qualify for legal aid due to no proof of domestic abuse.

Do you have evidence of emotional abuse/ coercive control?

Contact women’s aid for advice.

I feel like there’s more to this?!?
In an ideal world your daughter would have a bed/bedroom to herself, however my 9 yo dd often climbs into bed with us, I wouldn’t find it at all odd if she climbed in with dh and I wasn’t there.
The fact there is a court order etc, there’s obviously more to this..?!?

Didn't you post an identical thread the other day?

How does your dd feel about it? Some kids like the closeness but others prefer their space. It might be ok in the short term but as she gets older she probably won't be too happy. Not sure what you can do about the shared living arrangements. Does he have sufficient money to get somewhere more suitable?

I think this might fare better in Relationships, OP?

I'm in my forties and I'd share a bed with my dad if I needed to. He's my dad for gods sake!

glances warily at Karen

OP - why exactly does this concern you? Is your daughter unhappy with the situation?

If your daughter is unhappy then do something, if not then leave it be.

Didn't you post an identical thread the other day?

Sorry , but this is very odd thinking to me. He’s her father ffs!!! Are you honestly concerned that her father is a sexual threat? If so, she should not be seeing him at all and social services need to be informed.

I dont think its unreasonable for them to share a bed. I do think its unreasonable that she has no other option though. If he's in a shared house could he buy a single mattress for the floor for when she comes over so she has the option to sleep in bed with him or on her own. Getting this message across amicably could be tricky though

I understand I wouldn't be happy either I mean what happens if she starts her period how is he going to feel having that on his sheets! If she stays regularly she needs her own bed even if it's a sofa bed or a mattress on the floor would be preferable to sharing

As long as he isn't naked then who cares

I can see why it would bother someone, not from the point of view of anything to do with abuse but children should have privacy and if she has none then this is not a long term solution.

I would also not be happy with the shared house and not knowing who could be in there.

Have you asked your DD how she feels?

@Kellyc8911

You do not have to have a solicitor [etc] to go to court. If you have a court order then you can just submit an application to vary the order in the way that you wish. It would set out what you want ["DD not to sleep in same bed as father on visits"] and your reasons for that.

If you want some assistance try and find a "MacKenzie friend" who will help you and also go with you to court. Be aware though that they can help you but they cannot normally speak in court

Meh - more important she has a relationship with her dad and sleep overs help

@Kellyc8911

Mackenzie friends are usually at low cost or even free

Has the father abused you?

As someone who felt very uncomfortable every time my dad got into bed with me, I think it is crucial we know how the daughter feels -

it is unusual for this to be the only option. Surely she needs her own space?

The shared house thing can’t be avoided I would have thought as you can’t force someone to get their own place if they can’t afford it?

Not because of anything dodgy or sinister but if your daughter wants her own bed (and at 9 she should) could he not buy a sleeping bag and a pillow and sleep on the floor for the every other weekend she stays over if that’s what she would prefer?

If your daughter wanted to get into bed with you and her father found out about this, would you think it okay if he was angry about it like you are, or not? And if not, why not?