Like a growing number of women as I started to head towards middle-age I decided to focus on my physical health. I became a parent in my mid-30s when I had already become slightly over-weight and through early parenthood, sleeplessness, my marriage ending, increased need to drive rather than walk, had bit by bit slid towards medical obesity and was deeply unfit. I lost weight through diet and by chance fell into a sport I am completely in love with. As I progressed at the sport I not only became fitter from it but started to include complimentary fitness activities into my life to make me better at my sport. At a couple of events I actually managed to scrape onto the list of 'elite athlete' competitors, (ie, finisher 198 of the top 200 in the athletic time zone). I entered my field too late in life to ever be world class but being able compete at the level I do is something that was genuinely confined to my wildest dreams a couple of years ago.
So far so good. But I'm now relatively 'well built.' My arms, shoulders, core and legs are strong and muscular. When I'm wearing a vest, regardless of how I hold my arms, you can see visible muscle definition. My calf muscles are obvious in flat shoes. When I'm sitting my thighs have visible definition. And I get sooooooo many shitty comments about it from people who are genuinely well meaning. Apparently I really need to be careful because I am 'starting to look like a man.' Now I know that people often have a completely different image of themselves in their heads to how they actually look. But I think I can definitively say I look absolutely fucking nothing like a man. I believe (I know) I look how a strong, healthy woman has evolved to be. Women also evolved biceps and triceps and abdominals and quads and calves. We evolved them for a fucking reason and somewhere along the way, it was decided in order to be a proper woman we shouldn't do activities that allow us to use our muscles to the fullness of our abilities.
And the thing is, by not developing our bodies we suffer in so many ways. I have experienced pain from a back injury I suffered in college for 20 years. But in the last 2 years it has completely disappeared. By building a strong core, I alleviated the pressure on my back and pain I've felt all my adult life went away. I should have been helped to build my core in the early aftermath of that injury and I'd have been spared actual decades of pain. But none of the many, many medical professionals I saw seemed to have a clue that my lack of strength was preventing me from healing. I look at my mother who from middle age has suffered from so many weaknesses, increases in pain, loss of bone density, flexibility, etc. And I'm really bloody angry that she was never encouraged to be strong. To exercise in a way that would build her muscles, strengthen her bones, ease pressure on her joints and lessen the impact of ageing. The vast, vast majority of women are going through life suffering needlessly because society tells us not to be strong. That developing the muscles on our women's bodies will make us too 'manly' and we should avoid it.