Fitness is feminist

[scrappydappydoooooo]

Like a growing number of women as I started to head towards middle-age I decided to focus on my physical health. I became a parent in my mid-30s when I had already become slightly over-weight and through early parenthood, sleeplessness, my marriage ending, increased need to drive rather than walk, had bit by bit slid towards medical obesity and was deeply unfit. I lost weight through diet and by chance fell into a sport I am completely in love with. As I progressed at the sport I not only became fitter from it but started to include complimentary fitness activities into my life to make me better at my sport. At a couple of events I actually managed to scrape onto the list of 'elite athlete' competitors, (ie, finisher 198 of the top 200 in the athletic time zone). I entered my field too late in life to ever be world class but being able compete at the level I do is something that was genuinely confined to my wildest dreams a couple of years ago.

So far so good. But I'm now relatively 'well built.' My arms, shoulders, core and legs are strong and muscular. When I'm wearing a vest, regardless of how I hold my arms, you can see visible muscle definition. My calf muscles are obvious in flat shoes. When I'm sitting my thighs have visible definition. And I get sooooooo many shitty comments about it from people who are genuinely well meaning. Apparently I really need to be careful because I am 'starting to look like a man.' Now I know that people often have a completely different image of themselves in their heads to how they actually look. But I think I can definitively say I look absolutely fucking nothing like a man. I believe (I know) I look how a strong, healthy woman has evolved to be. Women also evolved biceps and triceps and abdominals and quads and calves. We evolved them for a fucking reason and somewhere along the way, it was decided in order to be a proper woman we shouldn't do activities that allow us to use our muscles to the fullness of our abilities.

And the thing is, by not developing our bodies we suffer in so many ways. I have experienced pain from a back injury I suffered in college for 20 years. But in the last 2 years it has completely disappeared. By building a strong core, I alleviated the pressure on my back and pain I've felt all my adult life went away. I should have been helped to build my core in the early aftermath of that injury and I'd have been spared actual decades of pain. But none of the many, many medical professionals I saw seemed to have a clue that my lack of strength was preventing me from healing. I look at my mother who from middle age has suffered from so many weaknesses, increases in pain, loss of bone density, flexibility, etc. And I'm really bloody angry that she was never encouraged to be strong. To exercise in a way that would build her muscles, strengthen her bones, ease pressure on her joints and lessen the impact of ageing. The vast, vast majority of women are going through life suffering needlessly because society tells us not to be strong. That developing the muscles on our women's bodies will make us too 'manly' and we should avoid it.

I definitely agree. When I was a child, I was a serious swimmer, incredibly competitive and doing very well at it
Around 13/14 or so, I remember my grandmother commenting that it was a pity the swimming was making my shoulders were so big because it wasn't attractive on a girl.
It wasnt meant to be mean, just a throw away remark from someone who took pride in her appearance and wanted me to do the same, but it came at the wrong time for a self conscious teenage girl and I stopped the swimming. I'm still sorry about that.
As a parent, from completely another angle, I also see plenty of couples where the man takes time for his 'hobby' (cycling, running, gym etc) but the woman doesn't get the same due to being the default parent and household organiser. That's what I thought this thread was going to be about when I opened it.

Have really been enjoying this thread. I find it so so hard to get into exercise but the angle many of you are taking really resonates. Thank you for the inspiration.

I've recently turned 40 and have joined the gym off the back of this thread.
I've gone from an 8 to a 16/18 after having my children and now have hashimotos disease and click and ache like much older woman.
I just want to stop feeling 'weak'. I struggle to get up off the floor and I'm only 40 😭
Thank you for giving me the incentive to prioritise my health.

A mum I know was talking about how her (age 8) daughter was taking to butterfly stroke really well in her swimming lessons. She then laughed and said but of course I'm not encouraging THAT, no way, she'll have shoulders like a man.
I was too shocked for words. A potential skill/hobby/passion squashed before it could even get going because of some weird, skewed view of how men and women should look.
I agree with you OP, it's a feminist issue.

justturtles how sad for you. I hadn't read your post when I posted just now.

Thank you for your post OP. I had serious issues with eating as a teenager resulting from a combination of gymnastics and a family where women do that awful competitive under-eating ("Gosh, I can't believe you girls managed to eat 3 olives for lunch, I feel full after a mere sniff of olive oil.")

I got a knee injury in my early 20s that left me on crutches for 3 months and struggling to walk down the road for a further 3. Regaining my strength and viewing my body for what it could do rather than what it looked like was a complete 180 for me. My hated fat calves were the reason I was able to first walk, then run again. I trained not to stay slim but in order to go down stairs without falling.

Like a pp mentioned, I am now focused on eating and training not diet and exercise. I wish I knew how we could get across this mindset to all the teenage girls who suffer now like I did and teach them to appreciate their bodies not fear them.

Wow, I wonder what some of those negative people would make of my DD who despite being short and not 'athletic' was a determined windsurfer as a teen. Her muscles and strong shoulders were a source of pride (especially when compared to mine). The legacy of this is that if she's at a station with a massive rucksack and two miles to walk but no taxis in sight she can do it.
The only downside afaik is that it can be harder to find petite clothes which accommodate (moderate) biceps and strong shoulders.

And she inspired me to stop standing in the rain watching her and to get out on the water too - which encouraged me to do some strength exercise (eg the shred ). Various things have knocked me back a bit now but I'm doing the walking challenge (~5km per day, or equivalent on the rowing machine if the weather is too foul) and also Pilates. And whereas up to the age of about 50 I would be wont to get annoyed by having to buy two small expensive sacks of compost rather than the standard size ... now I can manage them. Being just a bit stronger makes life easier.

Right first off there was no intent to imply that my body is an ideal and that people who don't look like me are inferior. My point is that women are biologically healthier when we are strong and fit but that centuries of socialisation have meant that we are now at a place where when that strength is visible it's seen as unwomanly by the vast majority of people. Because none of the comments I've gotten have come from a place of meanness or bitterness. It's all genuine concern from people who care about me, largely women, who's own internalised misogyny has led to them believing that women looking muscular are 'going too far' and are starting to look like a man or are apeing after men.

And the consequence of this belief is years of poorer health for women. My mother is only in her 60s but is physically older and suffers from osteopenia (like as much as half of women her age) from lack of strength and flexibility. She goes to an exercise classes once a week which she feels is great because she gets a lot of steps up but I've gone along with her a few times and in the 90 minute class there is maybe about 4 minutes in total of anything resembling an elevated heart rate. "Women's exercise" like this is so often barely beneficial as a work out. It's good for her in that it's social and fun and elevates her mood but as physical exercise it's not going to improve her fitness levels.

And while I know that a big part of me is in danger of becoming a boring, self-righteous, evangelical born-again athlete, I'm actually really, really angry about the fact that so many women are put off exercising in the way that their body will suffer without. When I first started strength training, every single article I read about it, started with some variance of an opening paragraph explaining that I needn't worry about turning into Hulk Hogan. Because a major concern for women is that they won't get too muscular. And it shouldn't be that way. I think that niceclock's take on it is 100% right. Women are conditioned to believe that weak is the right kind of feminine. That even though, no matter how strong we are, we will still be physically weaker than the majority of men, patriarchal society wanted us weaker. Wanted to emphasise our weakness and constrain us further. And it still does. Strong looking women threaten a lot of men for reasons entirely to do with their own lack of self--esteem. It also limits our health when we are older. At a point in time where we become physically stronger and enjoy more longevity than our male peers, they way we were socialised to keep our bodies, holds us back far more than just ageing alone would.

As for the other aspect of fitness being feminist. I agree. But I'm divorced with 100% sole custody so don't have to negotiate my exercise time around a selfish man. I'm lucky enough to work part-time hours that give me time to do moderate work-outs straight after school drop off. And I work kids activities into my work-out programme. If we go to the trampoline park, I go on the trampolines and do a rebound workout. We cycle together, or I run alongside the bike. We skate together. The aerial gymnastics place offers a drop in adult class at the same time as the kids' class, so I do that too. And mostly, I thankfully have incredibly helpful parents who will babysit quite a bit. To the point that I'm going to an event at the weekend, so we'll sleep at their house so I can head out at 7am without having to wake the DC early.

I took up a sport a couple of years ago (climbing) and have ended up with nice chunky arm muscles, particularly forearms, after having always been teeny tiny all my life. One thing I have noticed is t-shirts now really stretch around my arms now...often women's clothing isn't made for upper body strength! What I really love about the sport is how strength is looked on so positively, men, women, kids, the lot! I was chatting to a dad the other day who was gleefully telling me about a photo taken of his daughter and her friends, and how you could tell the climbing girls because they all had massive shoulders and arms. He was genuinely proud, and I thought at the time how fantastic for a dad to be encouraging of a daughter to be fit and strong. It's an interesting sport, particularly bouldering, as women celebrate and are celebrated for muscles and strength, and the men are usually the ones stressing about keeping their weight down! But honestly, it's a sport with such a positive attitude towards body image and strength, all sexes and ages, and it really seems to break down barriers of societal norms too. Many of my male climbing buddies all dash off to yoga and dance classes to improve balance and flexibility etc. It's really made me focus on remembering to compliment my DD on being strong. She loves doing pull-ups to impress her mates and she loves showing me her six pack. If you're looking to get strong, climbing and/or bouldering is a great way to achieve it!

Feminist issue yes, but also strongly class based in origin?

What upper class young lady would aspire to look like she did a lot of physical excercise (housework or working for a living) and was out in the sun all day in the fields? None- hence the ideal of weak-looking and pale girls wearing the sort of clothes that nobody could do anything physical in. We’re not as far from that as we’d like to think! Coco Chanel and her contemporaries shocked in the 1920s when they got tans and started swimming and playing tennis on the French Riviera. If their mums had been allowed to play tennis it would have been in long skirts.

My gymnast daughter has an awesome six pack and her school friends said she “looks like a boy” so she replied- I’ve got a six pack- muscles, not a penis- so how do I look like a boy?”
Perhaps you could try that answer @scrappydappydoooooo?

I always get my kids to say similar at sexist remarks- though my six year old son did get a bit too embarrassed to answer in that way when his teacher said unicorns were for girls. Sadly.
I agree that fitness is a feminist issue on many levels- like others have said, women tend to give up their hobbies and interests more than men on becoming parents. We have the physical effects of pregnancy and childbirth which can also impact on exercising.
You’ve inspired me to get back to bag boxing- I’m too self conscious to enjoy exercise in a class or group- and that’s genuinely been the only exercise I’ve ever enjoyed. 🥊

I’ve got a six pack- muscles, not a penis- so how do I look like a boy?”

Love it

I’m in my 60s and various sports I’ve done on and off over the years have helped keep me strong and flexible. I go to the gym once or twice a week, depending on my work pattern, do 10-15 min of light weights and stretches every morning, and I started a weekly ballet class last year. My arm and leg muscles are toned and well defined and my waist is well defined too. Mostly, people comment on how (relatively) youthful and feminine I look. Keeping fit is worth it.

I should add that I’m not bothered about looking “feminine”. It was to make the point that no one has ever said I look more like a man, at any point in my life, due to exercise, even when I was doing a job involving heavy labour that is rarely done by women.

It’s not just upper bodies- try getting into a pair of size 6 or 8 jeans with developed quads and calves! If you’re a small size clothes are made for skinny bodies.

I don’t gym as much now so I’ve got smaller but I cycle so my calves are still muscular. A lot of skinny trousers are right out .

This is a great discussion! Thanks OP and PPs.

Many years ago, I sustained a very serious leg/ankle injury. Tib and fib both broken into multiple pieces, complete ankle dislocation. Once the swelling had gone down enough to operate, I was pieced back together with plates and screws. Had to be 100% non-weightbearing for over four months, in a hard cast. Supported weightbearing with crutches after that for another couple of months.

Able to walk again, but with one tiny, wasted, still-painful leg full of titanium, I went away to a physical temp job for 8 weeks. Naturally, I got my strength, and particularly my calf muscles back. I was overjoyed at my recovery! When I saw my mum after this, I (naively) told her excitedly "Look how strong my broken leg is now!", and showed her. She literally recoiled - flinched as if the sight hurt her - and exclaimed "Eurgh! Put it away!! It looks even more like a man's leg now! shudder "

(the 'even more' was in reference to my already long-standing rejection of rituals of hair removal)

Happy days...

I’ve massively upped my gym game in the past few days. Much work on the weights machines and doubled my cardio (one leading on from the other I think). Feels fantastic. I’m still a lightweight but not forever! 💪