I didn't conflate trans rights and black people's rights - I think you misread it? I pointed out that language used against women defending their rights would, rightly, be regarded as abhorrent if used against black people's activism. Language that is othering and offensive shouldn't be used against any group simply trying to make their needs, views and disadvantage known.
There's no comparator with black people and trans people unless someone is saying they don't want a transman in a woman's loo. That is transphobic, yes, and the comparator holds there. But it doesn't with the opposite sex, because the objection is well founded, and in fact enshrined in law as being well founded. I imagine that was what you were challenged over? Racism is founded on absolutely nothing. Skin colour isn't relevant. Biological sex plainly is. It is not founded on nothing to object to males in women's spaces.
For clarity: I don't think trans people are obsessed any more than women are. I think there are two sets of directly colliding groups, and that third spaces - not dedicated to trans people, as that would be humiliating and othering in its own right, but thoughtfully set up to benefit pretty well everyone, would work. As an example, I think a new Changing Places loo should be created in larger public provision, by law, locked by radar key, and available only to disabled people. I then think that existing disabled provision made over into unisex - so non-binary, trans, and parents of opposite sexed kids - especially dads - have a nice loo to use (could even make it a nice family one, with a decent changing table etc). And religious people would be able to use their single sex provision, as would women who feel strongly. Transmen wouldn't feel (and sadly, sometimes be) unsafe in the men, or dysphoric in the women's. Nobody need fear they would be challenged in the opposite sexed loo, either. All needs could be met with creative solutions and goodwill and compromise, and we'd even be able to increase accessibility for disabled people, and increase overall public loo provision. Who loses, there? Really, who doesn't benefit? But we're being bullied, threatened and slurred, and the mere suggestion of that third space met with rage, as invalidating. Not going to make us feel more co-operative, that. Hard to say you'd feel safe in a single sex space with one of the little cherubs posing with knives and "POV if you're a T*RF in my mentions".
If this is a war, it hasn't come from women. Most of us spent years trying to seek compromise. And at this stage, if trans people don't see how many misogynists have eagerly leapt in the fray, who will not give a shiny shit about anything but attacking women with social approval, then really I don't know what to tell you. You think these people really approve of transwomen - let alone transmen? You think they are allies to anything but hating women, and being allowed to act on it? Truly? This is male supremacy in purest form. It's telling women they have no right to speak and that violence is justified, because provoked, if they do. That's literally the claim. For women saying we have the right to collectively organise, and to identify ourselves. And that is the right side of history? Somehow, I doubt that.
Finally, my experience on Mumsnet is that people can make comments, and other people can challenge them. As long as you are polite, and not bigoted (in the true sense of the term - they've always been really good at deleting comments that step over the line, and I agree with that - whoever they're aimed at) then that's fine.