Man in the changing rooms

[bananafritters]

I was just in my university gym female changing rooms and a man walked in with his female friend. I don't know what this man identified as but he was definitely male He didn't use a locker, didn't change his shoes or anything, just sat and chatted to his female friend whilst she put stuff in the lockers.

I felt very very uncomfortable with this. Fortunately I wasn't getting changed but others were and it just didn't feel right with me. I felt like I couldn't complain about it because I fear I would have been called transphobic in the event that he identified as a trans women.

How did you know he was definitely male?

I'd complain anyway, who cares what he identifies as, he still shouldn't be in the female changing rooms

OP

You could report to this lady who is putting info together

twitter.com/Docstockk/status/1220344351840141317

If you don’t already know, I’d ask your uni to clarify their rules on changing rooms.

Xpost
HouseofCrayCray

Best username ever!

How did you know he was definitely male?

It's really not that hard to tell most of the time.

AutumnRose1

This sounds like exactly what we've been arguing would happen - men entering women's spaces for shits and giggles, precisely because they now know they can.

How did you know he was definitely male?

It's a headscratcher isn't it?

How did you know he was definitely male?

Flipping heck, no wonder there's pressure on the 'yoof' to eliminate hetereosexuality and homosexuality, now that we have no idea how to identify males and females!

How the fuck do you know if you're gay or straight if you have no idea to idenitfy the sex of people in 99% of cases?

How do you know it wasn't an incredibly butch woman?

Gosh how does anyone know if people are male or female? I just don't know. I had to ask my beloved partner when I met him (or her) - so are you male then? Have you had your chromosomes tested? Do you produce eggs or sperm? I remember it well - that was a fun and informative first date.

I would have asked him if he/she menstruated each month - but that would have been a waste of time. Because men menstruate too, you know.

Only when I asked my future life partner their chosen pronouns, did it become clear. He was a man, "he, him".

I understand completely why OP, bananafritters, did not challenge.

She was one woman, faced with the prospect of challenging two people. Another woman, and a man.

And give over, honestly! All the bollocks about "But how do we know that he is they are a man?!! If you're an adult, and you can't tell by now - then I can't help you.

Strongmummy look online to see what happens when you’re accused of transphobia in a uni - student or staff.

@Strongmummy the thing is, I'm truly truly not transphobic. I have zero issue with people being trans and I'm very respectful of pronouns etc. My concern is that self id allows males to access female spaces and not be challenged because they can claim to be trans. I could be wrong of course but I don't believe the person (I believe to be male) in the changing room was trans.

To those asking how I know the person was male I cannot be 100% certain of course because the only way to be 100% certain is checking people's genitals and I'm not in the habit of doing that. However we make assumptions about gender ever day based on (generally) accurate stereotypically traits attributed to each sex and based on these I am as certain as I can be that they were male.

We have gender neutral bathrooms in the university library (as well as single sex ones) and I use them all the time with zero issue. However this was a female changing room, where females shower and get completely naked in and i just felt it was inappropriate but as a lone, young female in a busy changing room where no one else questioned it, I really didn't feel I could.

I should also point out that this person didn't use the lockers, the toilets or get changed. They did not use the facilities at all. Even if they had needed to, there are lockers in the hallways outside of the changing rooms and individual toilets off reception. There was literally no reason whatsoever for this person to be in the female changing rooms or any changing room for that matter as they didn't use any of the facilities.

How was this person dressed? Come on give us a clue.

How they were dressed does not matter.

They could have been dressed in a pink tutu. But if they're a man - women are generally able to tell if a person is a man, because that person is a man!

The more obvious question is: why did this woman and this man - the people encountered by the OP - disregard a general boundary for women.

Because that is worrying.

Oh fgs why didn’t you say something . I really don’t buy the “i was scared I’d be viewed as transphobic” bullshit. You’re just trying to push an anti trans agenda and it’s transparent

What have trans rights got to do with this? It doesn't sound as if the person the OP saw was trans. Unless, of course, you're suggesting that the trans-activist push for self ID will in fact lead to (non-trans) men being able to access women's changing rooms whenever they feel like it?

Nice job of blaming the OP for a man violating women's privacy BTW

How do i know I’m a woman, how do I know my brother, father, husband and sons are men. The ridiculous gaslighting is strong here

Surely this is a much easier situation to challenge than one involving a feminine-presenting male? It's not as though any sort of 'phobe' label could be applied here, and most people would regard a complaint as appropriate.

And the 'girlfriend' should not be absolved from criticism either - she should have told him to stay out too.

How did you know he was definitely male?

Are you being deliberately obtuse? In the majority of cases, it really isn't that difficult to determine. If we go down your route of shrugging our shoulders and thinking "ah, ot could be a 6'4" female with a friggin beard" , where does that leave our female spaces???

How do you know it wasn't an incredibly butch woman?

Because 'butch' (personally I loathe that phrase) women like me are still clearly female. I shave my head. But it's clear to anyone with half an ounce of common sense that I'm a fucking woman!!!!