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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Teacher's Account - PHSE inc Beastiality and Sex Toys -11/12yr olds

92 replies

OhHolyJesus · 16/01/2020 21:55

From Safe Schools Alliance. Makes me want to home school my kid. Apologies for the formatting.

I am utterly horrified at what was taught at a PSHE lesson at my school recently. It was to a group of children, most are 11-12 years old. It is so, so much worse than I thought.
The topic was LGBT and Diversity. The kids were taught that biological sex is your anatomy (genitals etc), however, male, female and intersex are genders and are on a spectrum. They were told that people can identify however they want -- as male or female. Some people identify as neither; some identify as non-binary. The teachers spoke about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. They explained a lesbian is attracted to ‘other women’, but it was clear that if anyone can identify as a woman then ‘other women’ may actually be men. ‘Cisgender’ was also mentioned and the kids were told that ‘a cisgender person is someone who identifies with the sex they were assigned at birth’. Sex and gender were conflated throughout the lesson and sometimes they were used as synonyms. The kids went home thinking God knows what.
The kids were also told briefly about bestiality, sex toys and masturbation. I really, truly wish that I was kidding. I don’t know who brought up bestiality but the teachers should have shut this down immediately and explained that it is inappropriate, not to mention illegal in the UK. Nothing of the sort. One of the teachers said it was a sexuality whereby some people are attracted to and have sex with animals. It was talked about like it is completely normal. The other things that were taught, were sex toys and masturbation. The kids were told about how people “pleasure themselves”, that some women use a vibrator and some men masturbate to pornography.
I feel disgusted and disheartened. I feel a lesson like that should be reported to the headteacher and the governors but I don’t think it will be dealt with appropriately. The school has form for not taking safeguarding seriously. I feel like I’m going mad and I’m wrong. I know I’m not, but it feels like it. I hope that the parents will say something. They must. Some of the boys [in our school] act a lot older than their age. They are always making inappropriate sexual comments or asking inappropriate sexual questions. I suspect some are also watching pornography online. A couple are obsessed with murder, rape [of girls], suicide and corporal punishment. The sort of PSHE lesson I witnessed will do nothing to challenge their unhealthy attitudes to sex, relationships and women.
We also have a student who is transgender. A girl who identifies as a boy. We were told to use male pronouns to use for her. There was no discussion. I don’t think this is in [the student’s] best interests but I felt unable to say anything. A teacher was reprimanded by a colleague for using ‘she’ for this girl. I [have been] forced to lie to a student. She used ‘she’ for the [transboy] and was told off by a teacher. I am being forced to actively lie. I feel that I cannot safeguard my students effectively. I am worried and scared for the kids-- especially our girls – what they’re being told and being forced to use mixed-sex toilets. At this point, I think that the only thing that will stop all this madness is some poor young girl being harmed. The local council is in meltdown. [We] have sent them two letters. They haven’t responded to the second one but from the response to the first one they don’t see any safeguarding issues. Ofsted and the DfE are on board the trans train. The DfE is funding Mermaids. Who are teachers supposed to turn to?
Teacher, 32, England

OP posts:
Couragecallsagain · 17/01/2020 08:46

Sorry, the last sentence means that this harmful teaching already has a grip and many schools aren't aware of what lies behind it.

AltheaVestr1t · 17/01/2020 09:13

Was this because many concerned parents, teachers, women, drew attention to attempts to lower the age of consent, removing boundaries, teaching girls to suck it up This is the exact opposite of the intention of Relationships and Sex Education. It’s all about information, boundaries, consent and respecting yourself and others. I agree wholeheartedly that Bestiality should not be represented as a choice, and I do struggle the believe that any teacher would actually do that. If they did, that is very wrong. My issue is that stories like this are used to push a conservative agenda that ends with children being denied factual sources and sensitive discussion on real issues that some of them will be experiencing, and being damaged by, in the wider world.

Ereshkigal · 17/01/2020 09:17

It’s all about information, boundaries, consent and respecting yourself and others.

Boundaries and consent go two ways. You have to be very careful discussing adult sexual practices with children.

You need to have a look at the Warwickshire stuff. I think you're being naive if you don't see that there is a concerning agenda.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/01/2020 09:17

Sadly the pendulum has, it seems, swung too far the other way!

Sometimes, in order not to repress, not label anything as wrong or deviant EVERYTHING is accepted...

Ereshkigal · 17/01/2020 09:20

It's not reasonable to say that people can't raise serious concerns about safeguarding because it might be used by people to push a "conservative agenda". That's the logic used to shut down concerns about Rotherham and Rochdale.

Siameasy · 17/01/2020 09:25

I reckon there were TRAs, probably American, on that AIBU thread because it was late at night and the old “it’s a right wing US organisation” thing came up which isn’t something your average MNetter would mention.
Sticks in the throat really

Ereshkigal · 17/01/2020 09:26

Why are MNHQ allowing US TRAs to dictate what gets said about child safeguarding in the UK on a British parenting site?

LangCleg · 17/01/2020 09:40

Why are MNHQ allowing US TRAs to dictate what gets said about child safeguarding in the UK on a British parenting site?

A question I am asking myself right now. And asking MNHQ in not so many words right now too.

I am extremely concerned.

Datun · 17/01/2020 09:42

AltheaVestr1t

There is no 'conservative agenda'. Most of the women dealing with this are left-wing feminists.

You really need to understand what is actually being thought of as acceptable.

mobile.twitter.com/hubblevicky/status/1176758148721512448?s=21

Siameasy · 17/01/2020 10:02

Yeah the conservative thing doesn’t frighten me. It’s not illegal to be either a conservative person nor is it illegal to be a conservative voter. What is meant by “conservative” is-you’re not liberal enough, not progressives enough.
I’ve taught my daughter (5) about periods, childbirth, what biological sex is and the correct names for genitals. But call me conservative for wanting to keep things age appropriate - I smell an agenda

HandsOffMyRights · 17/01/2020 10:09

This is the exact opposite of the intention of Relationships and Sex Education. It’s all about information, boundaries, consent and respecting yourself and others.

I think you need to read up on Warwickshire's dodgy 'Respect Yourself' and 'All About Me' programmes, which were signed off by Safeguarding leads.
Telling girls aged 12 that anal and porn and fisting is fine and that they cannot expect to access a female HCP is disturbing advice.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3701737-Teen-advice-makes-me-worried?pg=1ℴ=

metro.co.uk/2019/10/21/council-sex-website-teaches-children-bukakee-caught-masturbating-10955368/

I tell you what's 'conservative' regressive sexist and homophobic stereotypes taught in schools. My child is at a Stonewall Champion School that defines homosexuality as a 'medical' condition, that describes transsexual as 'old fashioned' and puts sex in such rigid stereotypical boxes that girls are at risk, boundaries lowered and sees a 4,000% increase in girls visiting 'gender' clinics.

This ideology is regressive, not progressive. It's deeply concerning that safeguarding is being shut down and that individuals and lobby groups are trying to lower the age of consent, as they did with PIE.

SunshineAvenue · 17/01/2020 10:17

Hang on, who was giving this lesson? Was it direct from the subject teacher or was it a visiting group and if so which group? Sorry if it's already been mentioned.

Datun · 17/01/2020 10:19

I don't think I've seen that Metro article before HandsOffMyRights.

Utterly damning and should instantly stem the flow of scepticism.

Siameasy · 17/01/2020 10:26

Ugh anyone else think that the idea of “12 year olds” (I suspect the letters are fabricated to appeal to adult fantasy) writing to adult strangers about graphic sexual activity is entering paedo territory. Someone is getting off on all this.

HandsOffMyRights · 17/01/2020 10:32

I knew that if I posted the DM link Datun there'd be the predictible outcry Confused of 'right wing, Christian Evangelists, Trump, Boomer etc.'

Whereas the Metro is normally TRA approved. But yes, even its take on Warwickshire's practices is damning.

SameOldHorrorStory · 17/01/2020 10:41

@datun WTAF at that link? ShockShockShock I can’t believe what I was reading. I can’t imagine ANY situation as an ADULT about sex education where they would educate on fisting or scat.

I didn’t see the AIBU thread but I must admit I read the OP and did do a little Hmm fave and wondered whether this was something made up or over exaggerated but after that twitter link... I’m in complete shock. I had no idea.

HebeMumsnet · 17/01/2020 10:53

Morning, everyone.

Thanks for your reports about the deleted thread. We wanted to take it down while we had a think because we had a few worries about it.

We've chatted to the OP now and we've agreed to reinstate the AIBU thread and close this one to new posts. The posts will remain here in FWR - we aren't deleting it. We just want to streamline things and keep the discussion all in one place and the OP felt it was more important to have the AIBU discussion running.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed here. Sorry to shift you all over, but if you would like to continue the discussion, we will be reopening the thread in AIBU shortly. We'll close this to new posts once that thread is back up and running.

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