Being hit

[hocine12]

Ok, so I'm going to lay my cards on the table from the start... I'm a 25yr old guy

I promise I'm not some men's rights moron. I realise that almost all of society is institutionaly wieghted against women and (despite the single sex catholic school I went to), I'm part of the problem

But I take real issue with the concept whereby it's ok for a woman to hit me.
The justification I usually here is that men are(usually) stronger.
But I'm skinny AF, and an 5'6
I have never hit anywone, and I don't understand why it should be acceptable from a woman

P.S this is not a rant
Il try my best to. consider every reply withthe merit it deserves

Blurfghhh tnhe female slap as drama can get in the bin along with nav who shouts at/is rude to woman because he’s unable to articulate that he likes her

And of course it’s not ok for women to hit men

Nav=man🤦🏻‍♀️

it's never okay

I was in the supermarket the other day and was convinced a woman was about to hit her partner, or I guess it was a partner

I hope I did the right thing....I walked over, caught her eye and just stood there glaring. She stopped shouting at him and they carried on shopping.

I didn't know what to do but didn't want to do nothing.

Ok, so Desperate Housewives should move to the team written slot then. So it’s 4 women, 4 team and 4 men....pretty evenly spread for a random sample. Still worth studying

By series 3 of Glee the team was half female.

The best kown and most influential on your list is Nora Ephron- I wonder how many of the others were influenced by her and the Sally character?

Yes - it might be worth studying but a more open mind than "I bet it's all male scriptwriters" might be required.

Obviously it's ok in self-defense situations. But I don't know anyone who thinks it's ok for women to hit their partners, for example.
The idea that it's funny when a woman is angry and slaps a man is insulting to women also. It's based on the idea that women's anger is funny and impotent.

OP, it is not okay for anyone to hit you. Just to make that clear before I ponder on the rest of the thread!

Talking of media though, it's interesting to also consider the "female slap" has been used for gay men too, it being a "lesser" and "more emotional" form of violence rather than viewed as out and out violence. This is obviously wrong, and does need to be addressed. But then also (thinking of older films and programmes now, rather than new ones) there used to be a tendency for a slap to follow a man getting "handsy". As in, in the past, it would be viewed as more acceptable to be groped than it is now, but then it would also be seen as an acceptable reaction to slap them. It would be very interesting to see a study done on it tbh, if anyone knows of one - especially on how it has changed over the years.

It is not OK for men to hit women.
It is not OK for men to hit men.
It is not OK for women to hit men.
It is not OK for women to hit women.

OP, if you are enduring violence and abuse you should contact the Mankind Project (not the new age cult, the charity for male victims / survivors of domestic abuse).

I wish you well

OP

I think that the public is becoming increasingly aware of coercive control as well as the more kinetic forms of violence.

If you doubt this, just read up on the various and many comments on news stories relating to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry.

The vast majority of commenters seem to appreciate that MM has alienated Harry from his friends and family and is now working on a narcissistic quest to use Harry and Archie for her own* agenda, a perspective with which I agree completely.

I think you will find that most posters here, if not all, are opposed to violence against all people.

• the real forces behind the agenda may not be immediately apparent. Obviously

Men comes onto feminist thread and asks women to centre me

*men

Headline: violence of any sort not justified in any relationship.

This being said and out of the way, I’m interested in the OPs motivation to post this on a Feminist chat board. I’m interested to know what they expected as responses. When women post, they tend to ask for validation that this wasn’t ok (which the OP has done), but as a precursor to outlining their distress and possibly need for support. This is outlined in a rather different way, and I feel that it is not coincidental that this board has been selected for this post over, say, relationships. This interested me.

The OP wasn't doing that. The trope of why it's ok in fiction for a woman to hit a man is interesting.

I would have said it wasn't all that common but the links posted seem to suggest otherwise- particularly Ratatouille and Frozen. The latter 2 surprised me.

You see women slapping men on TV and in films. I have had some pretty weedy boyfriends in the past. Would I have dared slap one of them even if I had wanted to? Hell no. Like stillathing said, even weedy guys are stronger than fairly hefty women. My current dp, you could describe him as skinny whereas I'm average height and built like a truck, but he can still hold both my wrists with one hand and I can't get out of it (in play). Most women would think twice before angering a man or goading him to physical violence.
I'm sorry for men that do get hit and they should definitely leave a woman who is crazy enough to do this but there does seem to be some vested interest in saying "women hitting men is the same as men hitting women" when it's not -of course it's not. I teach my kids never to hit and would be appalled if they hit me, but they also know that (at this present time) and in theory, I could batter them with one arm, so the power balance is in no way equal.

Theres a real issue with how violence and abuse from females is dealt with IMO. Not just female on male but as a woman who's been physically attacked and stalked for the best part of 2 years, sexually harassed by her, I have a phone full of evidence.

But its seen as "drama" despite the fact this person has had the exact same effects on me that a physically and mentally abusive man does.

I'm sorry that you are being stalked.

I do think that female violence should be recognised more and the media have large part in this, from what I see it's mainly USA stuff that has girls and women going around slapping each other all the time.

I do think this should be done within context though. The idea that violence is a 'people problem' only serves to minimise the scale and severity of violence committed by men. Which is something presumably none of us want to happen.

Glaceon

I have been there too

I agree with your post 100%

Which feminists have told you that women are approved of for hitting men or that it's acceptable in any way?

Though don't imagine that a woman who matched you in size will match you on strength. She may well surpass you in stamina but she won't have the strength in her grip, arms, legs that you do, not by a long way. She doesn't have the hormones levels you have coursing through your body! That's why hitting a woman who's hit you back is always an over-reaction from a man; he can do so much motr damage.

People are not for hitting.

Just to add to Hoodathunkit's list,;

It is not OK for anyone to judge women, men, feminist or otherwise by attributing to them behaviour or attitudes commonly portrayed in popular or high culture. That definitely includes the woman-slaps-man's-face trope and it matters not who wrote it.

Yes - it might be worth studying but a more open mind than "I bet it's all male scriptwriters" might be required.

Definitely need to have an open mind. When I saw the comment, I thought could this be true? And just decided to quick google the shows listed in the article I had read. It would be an interesting story...although I have thought it may not just be writers but directors or even the actresses. Scripts don’t have all the actions written in them. Directors and actresses will add actions as they direct/play the character.

My DS (PFB) has just ended a relationship with a girlfriend who kept hitting him - as in slaps across the face, leaving marks. He is 6'3" and built like a fridge and she is average size for a female. It's an abuse of power in the same way as M-F DV because she knows he won't retaliate. Of course she doesn't do as much damage as he would if the shoe were on the other foot, but she's still firmly in the wrong.

the female slap has been shown to us for decades as acceptable behaviour.

frequently of course as a response to male sexual assault, which has also been shown to us for decades as acceptable behaviour. Thank goodness thinking has moved on! It's not okay for men to sexually assault women and it's not okay for women to slap men.

also I am almost the same height as, and about the same weight as, my skinny male partner and he's easily 3x stronger than me, probably more.

I am also shocked at how the face slap continues to be the go to reaction on TV and films.

I don't think any kind of violence is right and bring my DC up to think the same.

There's an interesting experiment on YouTube that looks at this.

A male and female actor pose as bf and gf and stage a row. In some cases the man shoves the woman and in other times the woman is violent towards the man.

Every time the man was the aggressor passers by stepped in. When the aggressor was the woman passers by ignored it, watched or stood by laughing.

The idea that it's funny when a woman is angry and slaps a man is insulting to women also. It's based on the idea that women's anger is funny and impotent.
That's a really good point.

Another vote here for "hitting is not acceptable no matter who does it"