Calling out male creepiness

[Gingerkittykat]

Last night I went to a different supermarket on my way home. The checkout guy was being supervised, he announced it was his first time so we (me and DD) should be gentle with him. At the end he asked how he had done and when we said he had done well he said we should pass on our compliments to his wife.

This man was in his 50s, the person supervising was a guy in his early 20s who seemed pretty shy and a bit awkward.

Obviously he gave me the creeps and both me and DD commented he was a perv to each other after we had left the till.

I wish I had done or said something now, how would people here have handled it?

Even as far as trusting your instinct, what does that mean here? She's not deciding to get a lift with him

Finding someone a bit creepy is no reason to try to get him sacked from his job. I find one of the mail room guys in my office a bit of a creep. He's socially awkward, tries too hard and not very bright. The finding him creepy is actually my problem, not his.

Other posters have given plausible interpretations of what was said. I find those more plausible than the assumption he was deliberately using sexual innuendo on his first day at work.

Would he have said it to a man? Possibly- depends on the man. If it was someone like my son (who is a much nicer, friendly and approachable person than I am) possibly. My son makes a point of speaking to check-out people. I don't. I probably appear quite frosty- I often listen to music going round a supermarket and often still have ear buds in.

He could've saidanythingin a creepyway..

So what? Are you seriously suggesting that if he'd "nice weather for the time of year" but in a creepy way the OP should report him to his manager?

But not all posters are taking it as sexual innuendo
The persons it was directed to did

Will you apply that logic the next time a trans person makes an accusation of transphobia against a feminist? You know it is possible to put an entirely incorrect interpretation on something.

I am not applying logic. I am stating that the two women who were there agreed that it was creepy.
You are the one arguing that people who were not there have a better read on the interaction than the people who were there.

Finding someone a bit creepy is no reason to try to get him sacked from his job.

So why lay the onus of this on the complainant? She'd be making an accurate complaint about the nature of his behaviour, in the spirit of not tolerating this herself and not expecting other customers to have to tolerate it. The employer may or may not take her complaint seriously (likely the latter, given the usual outpouring of condemnation if a woman dares to make a complaint against a man behaving inappropriately).

If the employer did choose to sack him, it would be a decision made them, not OP. And would be in direct consequence of his behaviour, not because of the fact that the OP had the audacity to take it further.

I'm at a loss to understand why responsibility for males' behaviour is almost always levelled at the female. No, actually, scrub that. I understand the reasons all too well.

Finding someone a bit creepy is no reason to try to get him sacked from his job.

He's extremely unlikely to be sacked for several reasons.

1. People aren't generally sacked for a first offence, there are procedures, verbal then written warnings, etc. Although he may be on probation so these procedures may not apply.
2. The employer would have to provide evidence to sack him. In which case they would come up against the same kind of opposition seen in this thread - were his words creepy, was it just a feeling, etc?

I'm at a loss to understand why responsibility for males' behaviour is almost always levelled at the female. No, actually, scrub that. I understand the reasons all too well

I never said anything like that but I am at a loss why unquestioning and unqualified support must be given to a woman just because she is a woman, no matter how unreasonable she might be.

I am not applying logic well that's obvious but if one is going to accept a woman's word unquestioningly presumably one should not baulk at unquestioningly accept a trans person saying they have been the victim of transphobia.

I am not applying logic well that's obvious but if one is going to accept a woman's word unquestioningly...

What possible reason is there to disbelieve that these women felt the way they say they felt? There is nothing to analyze, or subject to scrutiny, because there is no possible way to logically examine, much less disprove, that these two women felt the way they said they felt and that the OP wished in retrospect that she had objected at the time.
Claiming that they are wrong to feel the way they say they did because some people do not feel that way in completely different circumstances is not only illogical but absurd.

OMG hope you never have a real problem to worry about.

If OP ad DD felt that this man was being creepy, then that is good enough for me.

OP's inner alarm sounded. OP listened to her inner alarm. I am glad that OP has that inner alarm. And that her DD is aware too - OP is being a good mother here.

I do advise my children (now young adults) to listen to their inner alarm, even if someone only says "Good morning" to them.

OP's inner alarm sounded. OP listened to her inner alarm. I am glad that OP has that inner alarm. And that her DD is aware too - OP is being a good mother here.

Yep. Anyone telling you not to listen to your inner alarm is not your friend and does not have your best interests at heart.

He could've saidanythingin a creepyway..

So what? Are you seriously suggesting that if he'd "nice weather for the time of year" but in a creepy way the OP should report him to his manager?

No. At no point have I suggested the man be reported to his manager. Don't try and put words into my mouth. The point I have been making throughout this conversation (if you're at all interested) is that if the Op says she felt creeped out by this man, whatever he said and however he said it, then I. Believe. Her.

Catchy little phrase, non?

What to do about it is another matter.

HTH

Who the hell comes on a feminist board and says that we shouldn't believe what women say and how they feel about stuff?

Not feminists I'll wager.

Oh...wait! I think I get it. He said it was his "first time and to be gentle" to reference virginity and a first sexual experience. Then, he asked how he did, also alluding to sex, with the response about his wife. Gross.

You could have asked "Why did she teach you how to work the tills?". If he says no, then you can say - "What an odd thing to say then".