My mum is sexualising my 9mo

[IsThisYourSanderling]

I don’t have a relationship with my mother (LC last two years), but have a private Instagram account where I upload pictures and videos of the kids for her to see. This keeps her quieter than she would be if she didn’t see pictures of the kids, so it works for me. I don’t post comments as that’d be more communication than I’m comfortable with, but she comments on the pictures - usually innocuous things like ‘what a lovely boy’ and ‘she’s such a happy baby’.

Yesterday I posted a video of my 9mo baby girl blowing raspberries and laughing. She commented this: ‘If little M is going to be a good mimic you must steer her away from certain influences and noises. I’ve seen bad habits develop that way. Her being charming and an entertainer will make her an object for wrong attention and this worries me.’

This is a disturbing response to a video of a 9mo baby laughing and blowing raspberries at her parents, isn’t it. She has a lot of awful attitudes (and MH issues that she won’t acknowledge), but it’s made me feel queasy. Obviously DS’s old raspberry-blowing videos drew no such comments. She’s not even a puritanical Christian type, doesn’t go to church or anything.

I remember once watching the news with my mother and grandmother during the whole Milly Dowler murder trial. The clip of Milly dancing while ironing in her living room was shown, and my grandmother said, ‘well you can see why it happened can’t you.’ My mother agreed.

Now she’s turning her Carrie’s-mother-intensity gaze of disapproval at my baby. Has anyone else had similar?

I’d keep typing but the baby’s awake now!

She's saying that I should dissuade my baby from making 'certain noises' in case the inevitable 'bad habits' she develops attract the attention of men further down the line
she sounds like she's just arrived from the 1300's, is she in favour of the ducking stool and the scolds bridle?

Humour her, but keep notes and get her sectioned when she starts causing too many problems

FWIW, it sounded to me ike the grandmother was worried that if the child was a natural mimic, she might one day might fall under bad influences and mimic those behaviours, not raspberry blowing. That clearly isn't a totally rational connection, but it is true that kids do sometimes want to be like other kids and will mimic unhealthy behaviour that has poor consequences.

If I were guessing I would say this is something the grandmother saw happen, or which happened to her, and it stuck with her. She's now looking at things through that lens but seeing it where it doesn't really make sense.