Would I be happier if I'd never visited this board?

[partystress]

Not really even a light-heated question. I feel so utterly depressed by the misogyny that I've become aware of through following threads here and broadening who I follow on Twitter. My 'D' H says he can't see the problem with the recent cricket and rugby changes and when I challenged him to consider how he'd feel if our DD missed a place on a team due to a TW, said he would be happy she was living in a more tolerant world than we grew up in.

My DS sees the whole issue through the lens of pleasant, identity exploring uni friends and thinks I'm rabidly obsessed when I talk about regressive stereotypes and risks.

My DD, still at school, thinks sex work and porn are part of a new era of positive empowerment for women. If I question the normalisation of anal sex, and its inclusion in a teen magazine, she says I'm oppressing girls and women.

I feel there is a bubble of people who get it, but the war is lost. The institutions have fallen and the worst possible type of people (those who feel their privilege is under threat, but who actually still exercise massive power) are now in charge of almost everything. For me, it's all entangled with Trump and Johnson and the era of shamelessness being a career and electoral asset.

I am feeling so low about it all, I have got to the point of wishing I'd never heard about any of it. Are there any real lights at the end of this awful tunnel? Boosts needed!

Hi, I just wanted to say that up until recently I thought that adults transitioning was a positive thing, each to their own, progress etc. I am a 40 something educated Northern woman. Reading boards like this has really opened my eyes and you are right it's really frightening. I would never have seen it as threatening women's rights, but five minutes thought and of course it does. Not to mention the irreversible physical and mental damage it will do to the young people who have bought into it. I guess I am trying to say that although I have a lot to learn, it's down to boards like this that have allowed me to realise there is something wrong. I have started having the conversation with friends and family who agree but feel if they say anything they will be vilified as homophobic etc. So keep posting on these kind of boards because the lights are going on.

I'm so glad I posted, because the vast majority of the responses have been heartening. Thanks all. I'm off on a week's holiday now and will go cold turkey on Mumsnet and Twitter and hopefully come back reinvigorated to carry on fighting.

Have a great holiday OP. I deleted the Mumsnet app from my phone and concentrated on reading books for my holiday. It's very restful to step away, and from the news generally, for a while.

I agree with your entire post OP bar this: "If I question the normalisation of anal sex, and its inclusion in a teen magazine, she says I'm oppressing girls and women."

Anal sex has been going on between women and men said age dot. It is just a position like oral sex. It is normal and has been normal for decades and decades. I don't know any couple - married or defacto, who haven't tried it at least once. It has been a part of heterosexuality for many decades, even before being gay was decriminalised. Girls tallked about it at school openly in the early 90s. There was even an early 90s pop song that mentioned anal sex. Could have been Salt ' n Pepper or some rapping/hiphop group, I forget who. Before gay marriage was even imagined by anyone. As for porn, we used to watch porn in the '90s and there used to be a magazine in my country aimed at women that had full frontal 'half mast' pics of men. Then there is Sexpo and encouraging women to enjoy sex and feel confident, and includes porn for women to watch, and vibrators etc.
It's not like back when porn was only for men. More and more women admit to watching porn. It's not something we should be shamed for. Anal sex has been a normal part of society for decades, so the horse has well and truly bolted on that. So, I really don't get your point. You can't 'normalise' something that has already been normalised before many of us were born.

I don't know any couple - married or defacto, who haven't tried it at least once.

Just out of interest, how does this conversation come about with, say, your boss or your elderly aunt and uncle? I can't imagine discussing this with anyone other than a very close friend. But maybe I'm just old and out of touch.

OldCrone LOL. Yeah I mean I am not that old but I know several heterosexual friends who have never had anal sex. There are even gay male couples who don’t have anal sex.
At the same time, I realise that the ‘anal sex = baaaad’ is prime fodder for the idiots who think that we are all from the religious right and want to make everyone into a traditional wife. I think it’s fine if you want to do it. But I am not dumb enough to not realise that the drive for anal sex comes from men. It doesn’t really do much for the majority of women and it is more risky in terms of injuries. It’s also probably not great for inexperienced teens, which is why there has been an increase in injuries requiring medical treatment. So promoting anal is not quite as enlightened as the woke crew seem to think- it’s largely pandering to men’s pleasure. But then again, I missed the memo that feminism now means putting men first, always.

Weird segue from how anal is normal to how women just love watching porn.

Not a conversation I’ve had with a lot of people, but no, my immediate social circle don’t seem to be into watching women of unknown trafficked status get exploited on camera or take it up the derrière. Since I’m quite young, I wonder if I have the soul of an old un-fun prude. The kind who is very unhappy to read about teenage girls with life-changing injuries from rough multiple-partner anal sex.

Hello, I'm a heterosexual woman and my partner of 28 years and I have never had anal sex. Nor am I ever going to have anal sex with anyone.

I was in my late teens in the early 90s, though mostly at university rather than school. We did have one conversation about anal sex to my memory and the unanimous verdict from all the women was 'hell to the no'.

It has never been considered a 'normal part of heterosexual relationships' amongst my social circles.

Also since when were either anal or oral sex 'positions'? The missionary position is a position. The reverse cowboy is a position. Anal/oral are activities that some people may enjoy and others don't bother with at all, I've never thought of them as 'positions'.

The opinion wasn’t ‘is anal sex good or bad or normal.

“anal sex, and its inclusion in a teen magazine”

My emphasis.

How old is a teen? 13 and up. So no, anal is not ok.

Teens who are ‘legal’ should be learning about consent, safe sex, boundaries, respect. Not that anal is the norm. and that a partner will expect it; It can be very damaging.

GirlDownUnder yeah I agree. It’s inappropriate. Also, anal is largely about the other male person’s pleasure. Any young woman having sex should be thinking about what she wants and is comfortable with in the first instance. Not trying to go along with the demands of boys who have been brought up on a diet of increasingly extreme porn.

Not trying to go along with the demands of boys who have been brought up on a diet of increasingly extreme porn.

Yep, exactly. Guess this is all about queering society. I mean yeah let’s push the more extreme sex acts on to a younger and younger demographic. And most YA don’t want to talk to their parents about ‘vanilla’ sex, so they’re hardly going to ask if rectal tears and bleeding is a ok.

Sorry - missed your post TirisfalPumpkin and yes to everything you said.

@RosaWaiting.
I agree that many get confused by the word salad and last week I had a YouTuber arguing that a trans woman was FtM. There was no point in saying more than I already had and that trans woman indicated transitioned into woman and vice versa.
It maybe worth checking with your Dh that he's got it the right way round.

Weird that the 90's is considered "forever"!

Your kids will likely grow out of it, especially your daughter. I was also a fun feminist til I grew the fuck up.

Your husband just doesn't need to worry about anything cos nothing will change for him. Bit shit but that's how most people are.

Have you maybe considered that it could be you who’s wrong? Rather than every other person you know?

OP I don’t know anyone who believes twaw, I thought it was just something people say to be polite.

Very few TW seem to unpack their male socialisation, so I find that talking to or organising with them tends to feel the way it does with males. Not bad or different - just not like a woman’s space. So I do understand how you feel