Detroit

[DetroitOtherday]

Hello?

I'm always so pleased when other alleged females tell me how comfortable they are with men in female spaces.

Im so glad they are comfortable

I don't remember what comfortable fucking is.

My skin crawls when I use a public bathroom and a man is in there. But don't say anything, it's not safe to. Strutting male privilege to be seen as something they are not

Where is my understanding? It's amongst women who get what a woman is.

And I'm constantly nervous even seeking that out.

I've no idea what comfort is. Im constantly expecting censure and attack. I live on my nerves. I've no idea how to trust anymore. Im wary of any help because I'm terrified of the consequences of letting people down.

But as long as fucking handmaidens are cool with spaces they aren't forced to use being unsafe, it's fine huh.

I know why it's not safe. I know painfully life ruiningly why it's not safe.

Bunch of superior magical thinking loons. I blame Magritte. This is not a pipe. Yes it is, you fucking wanker.

My skin crawls when I use a public bathroom and a man is in there. But don't say anything, it's not safe to.

Me too, Detroit, me too.

Very little piss and going. Much mirror preening making sure they are noticed. The piss and go go goers are the females who don't even want to pause to wash their hands.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/sports/2019/09/08/kawhi-leonards-sister-charged-deadly-robbery-year-old-woman/%3foutputType=amp

The one with a brain, that played some cool guitar and wrote. That had dreams.
She comes across loud and clear in everything you post here. That's why we love you!

This. On repeat.

But but we keep being told women have nothing to fear from big strong transwomen capable of killing us with great physical force in restrooms

Glad you're still here Detroit (sorry I keep name changing so you won't recognise me)

I have read some of your posts, and have really seriously also considered the convent as a refuge for us, at the same time wondering whether anyone else has such thoughts

I have just read further up on this thread to see that you too went through this process, and yes, considering the ethics of my areligious being

I came though specifically to try offer solidarity and support for your situation (and isolation) by way of offering my recent experience.

For, reasons, I found myself back on the phone to a refuge (having left our home, and subsequently refuge shared with male bodies).

The very pleasant operator offered us a further refuge space. In tears I explained that I remain terrified of men, are there are spaces that protect only women). Lovely kind pleasant operator put the phone down.

So here we are, before Christmas, and I find myself trying to work out how to stay warm in your situation as this is looking so much more appealing than ours!

I am answering you in my head about keeping that fire going, with large logs dragged over the top which can keep it going for days on end, about positioning yourself for maximum protection from the elements, and to, yes, rescuing a dog. A friend, a protector, a spooning partner for mutual warmth and contact. Dogs have higher temps and can be crucial for staying warm and not slipping into hypothermia. The size of dog can be the decising factor on whether you can manage to feed it though! A juggle between size needed for warmth and protection, and your ability to feed it.

I have also considered lesbian spaces although not one myself, but lesbian's seem to be even more at front-line risk, being directly in the line of fire as they are placed by the tras.

Anyway, reaching out a hand across the ocean to connect, and wishing we could visit for a group camp and sing song with guitar around the camp fire under the stars with some warming

Sending some sturdy little to plant in your space who will shine on bravely for you through the foul weather.

I also share the same dream of providing a women and children only space in the wild.

If you can do the wild living well its a very healthy way to live, so maybe some consolation, small perhaps, also for PTSD I mean, apart from the isolation aspect, as the spending all day just eating a staying clean and dry is very mindful and helpful for having some balance for the traumatised brain.

So many of your words resonate so deeply, and there may be others lurking who will recognise the words also and gain from seeing them written by someone brave enough to write them.

It's very late here and I'm about able to sleep, but here is a nice fire photo for you. I'm so very very sorry you and your children are suffering due to no all female spaces. I hope you are safely out of danger? You are very brave. I will reply properly in the morning.

Wishing you a safe and kind day. X

I wish I could extend some hospitality, some smores and peaceful company, a vacation. Maybe one day ill be in a position to offer retreat to others. I hope so. You would be most welcome. Perhaps not in this weather! It actually scared me today.

The thought of the way i live is somewhat more romantic and seductive than the reality. It's muddy, dark, uncomfortable, I get pushed from here to there by weather and camping restrictions. It's cold in winter, and summer tourists are more irritating than flooding. It can be dangerous. People more than animals, but I've had some bad spider bites. I hate being dirty. Showering is a constant problem. To be frank, I don't want to talk in my morning bathroom trips, but everyone from dog walkers to rangers want to exchange pleasantries. Imagine going from your bedroom to the bathroom and having to deal with strangers. I walk around in my PJs in the morning, it kinda feels like home. Strangers break the spell of it being home. In short, I would not recommend living like this. Some middle ground, a yurt, commune, cob house, even with an outhouse etc would be better. I sometimes camp in remote places which are beautiful but a bit at my own risk.

I do so hope you find a good space. I had no luck with any of those options. I've given up. I've not been spoken to or treated with any decency.im saddened but not suprised at the phone being slammed down on you.

I just hope this drive to put mens feelings over women's safety does not cost lives.

I really must stop wittering and get to sleep. I'm so so sorry you are going through this, especially with kids.my thoughts are with you. Solidarity, sister.

Goodnight!

Do not be afraid, sister, to name the operator on the phone for what she was. She was not lovely or kind.

She was wreckless will your safety, dick pleasing and utterly devoid of decency. Forgive me, but ...my lovely, in your head, give her a hearty fuck you.

You are worth more than that xx

Reposting this from another thread:

Detroit I'm glad you're back and I'm sorry that you don't yet have secure accommodation. When you say "camping", do you mean in a tent? Could we help, perhaps by crowdfunding a better tent / warmer sleeping bag / couple of nights respite in a motel / down payment on an RV(1)?

(1) To my fellow Brits, that's a "camper van".

Bd, I really don't want that kind of help, as it would feel like pressure. I also don't want to name exactly how I'm camping or where, as I don't want to be identified by Mr Charming who may be trawling. My safety is my responsibility. I haven't been able to pass that burden on.

I'm doing fine, all things considered, and have good equipment. I'm not here begging. I'm mad as heck about women's spaces, the attitude of woke volunteers towards victims like myself, and more than a bit in need of a chat with other women who get it. I had a very intense period of trying to access support and being treated so badly, with mens feelings put before my own safety and trauma. Being able to safely talk really helped me. It started to feel like I was totally alone in it.

I'm absolutely not in any way begging. And I'm very much in need of my anonimity if I am going to feel safe continuing to do so.

I hope I don't seem ungrateful. I'm just trying to survive.

If anyone does feel inspired to do something, give directly to the homeless you see. Not money, necessarily. Socks. Coats. Sleeping bags. That kind of thing. It can be hard to access this help through people who are meant to provide it.

I'm not asking for pity, or things. I'm vaguely embarrassed now...

Hope you feel able to stay on here Detroit...

I'm not asking for pity, or things. I'm vaguely embarrassed now...

I don't read your response as ingratitude, your judgment as to how to manage your safety is paramount.

I'm sorry for my misjudgment as to what we could do to help.

Oh Detroit. Much love.

Detroit much 💐

Much love, detroit, I think you are wonderful

We know you don't want charity, Detroit And we know you are an independent woman of honour. It's just hard feeling that there's so little we can do for you. Lots of love.

I would be happy to help in any way I could Detroit. I wish i could help you personally, but I will pass it onto any homeless people I encounter on the streets, here in the UK, at your bequest

I had a message from Detroit ... her safety is precarious and she is anxious not to put herself at additional risk (or appear to be asking for anything other than our friendship) but she very much hopes to stay on the thread. She said

"I deeply love Mumsnet. It pleases me immensely to think some homeless person will get socks,a new sleeping bag, a bit of relief in my name, or because I asked for it. Socks are a pleasure. Feet get very sore."

So if any of us are able to pass on that kindness, please do let her know.

Detroit you are an extraordinarily brave woman. from me.

I totally understand your need to not speak any specifics, its vital to your safety.

Thank you so much for the fire picture. I know too about the cold and the dirt, the grimness of it all, not to the continued extent you are enduring though, for which I do commend you your ability that enables you to do this.

I had thought earlier about whether you have a survival bag which keeps out any wet and certainly icy blasts! Cheap to buy and you can stuff it with your own warm things (just thinking you mentioned needing more blankets to keep warm enough, and knowing this was a cheap option.

I have read and really appreciate all you've written to me Detroit

I am researching tomorrow some more but not hopeful, and I have one other avenue to pursue after that. Its just infuriating that any woman should become homeless as a result of her partner abusing her, when its obvious he should be the one left homeless and with consequences. I can't get my head around why this isn't so, or why so many refuse to protect women in favour of men in refuge. I don't get it.

I am fist punching solidarity with you, thank you.

I hope you sleep and rest well tonight. Goodnight.

I'm sorry im so nervous. Thanks esp to Oldstyle...

I consider you all to be my friends. Precious little of that in my world.

Hope you are doing ok childrenandhomeless. No, women should not have to leave houses for safety. The men who hurt should suffer. I guess that won't happen. Misogyny is so entrenched we don't stand a chance.

Survival is the main thing. We can't pull down the patriarchy overnight.

We understand why you're skittish, lovely. It's necessity.

Thank you

It's a reasonable fear. But it makes life so hard.

Are you looking for a women only shelter, Detroit?
Can you travel out of state? Assuming you’re in MI?