Peer-to-peer abuse: Victim's parents call for changes to guidelines

[LangCleg]

BBC reporting on the terrifying and increasing levels of sexual assault in our schools. Extract (but do read the whole thing):

The parents of a six-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by classmates have called for a record to be set up showing all sex abuse between children.

Bella - not her real name - was abused by two boys at her London school almost every playtime for six weeks

The government said schools should be reporting peer-to-peer abuse and Ofsted inspectors should be highlighting if the school did not do so.

But Ofsted said it would be impossible to judge if incidents were being noted.

Statutory guidelines introduced by the Department for Education (DfE) last year and updated for this September said all teachers and staff must read part of the Keeping Children Safe in Education Guidance, which explained what peer-on-peer abuse was and the types of sexual violence of which staff should be aware.

But no reporting mechanism was introduced to make sure each teacher read the guidance and no timescale by which that should have happened.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-49084906

Surely whatever your feelings about how this is dealt with and how it is worded, we can agree that these incidents need to be recorded in a reliable way and broken down into age and sex.
In order to solve the problem, we need solid data on what is actually happening.
Putting our finger up to the wind and saying 'I think it's this' when someone else says 'its that' is the most ineffective way of dealing with the problem.
Its an excellent proposal from SafeSchools and I'm completely behind it.

I agree - fully behind the Safer Schools Alliance statement

In order to solve the problem, we need solid data on what is actually happening

Exactly.

AngelasAshes Rape in England and Wales requires a penis and women can only be convicted as accessories. In part 2 of the same Act there is a separate crime of assault by penetration, which comes with the same sentencing options as rape (up to life imprisonment). We are not stuck in the fifties, we can sentence assailants who penetrate as harshly as rapists and usually sentence women who commit assault by penetration more harshly than men who rape (and at least one female perp has appealed her sentence on that basis and won a reduction). The semantic difference in the offences (as others have said) is because of the risk of pregnancy and STIs from a penis, which a dildo doesn't carry.

So give it a rest with the WATM/WATB and "some women/girls do it too". If over 90% of perps of a crime are of one sex and over 90% of victims are the other sex, the first question to ask in order to understand that criminality and end it is "why is perpetration and victimisation divided so sharply by sex?". Heaven forbid that we might hurt some men's feelings though, better that we never ask and men and boys keep raping women and girls. When men rape women at the same low rate that women penetratively assault men, then we can address it as an unsexed crime.

This type of abuse usually reflects that both children have experienced abuse themselves. The child being abused by the classmate obviously but the other child has experienced some inappropriate exposure to sexual behaviour to even attempt this type of behaviour.

This is called the "vampire myth" and it is exactly that, a myth.

Lang "I question why so many posts here are colluding in this obscuring of a big problem affecting girls"

I was not attempting to collude or obscure. I was drawing a parallel.

I fully recognise sexual assaults in school are massively perpetrated by males and very largely against females. I was wondering If the way all violence in schools, which is perpetrated by children against other children, is dealt with may be a factor. You think not, presumably, but I was raising it as a thought. I am not attempting to say any thing different to this being a make perpetrated crime.

I too want to see accurate recording of facts. I too see this as a problem of male violence against females. But I wonder why it is not being treating with the same level of seriousness as when all those involved are adults. Or maybe some feel it is being treated exactly the same! So this is just more of a reflection of societies lack of care for females, or perhaps more accurately lack of sanction against males.

But I wonder why it is not being treating with the same level of seriousness as when all those involved are adults.

It is not treated with the same seriousness as with adults, because there is this idea that boys 'will grow out of it' and you 'can't ruin their lives over...'. In a school in my current city (continental Europe), a boy and his friends kept harrass a schoolmate, his ex-girlfriend (all around 14 years old). They'd repeatedly block her in the toilet, when she should already have been in class. The teacher just scolded her for being late, she did not accept the explanation why the girl was late, let alone intervene.

Long story short it escalated to the point where the boy raped the girl in front of his buddies. School found out only a year later, when the girl - now in a new school - who had developed severe psychological problems finally told her councellor.

This type of stuff is not taken seriously. Just like it wasn't taken seriously back when I was a teen (12-13) and the boys in my class violently groped one another (particularly 'weaker' ones, curiously not us girls) in front of teachers, and nobody intervened.

I was not attempting to collude or obscure. I was drawing a parallel.

But why? Why not centre girls?

I posted a thread about a specific issue of sexual abuse affecting mostly girls in schools.

Many of the following posts were:

a) but what about this other issue of sexual abuse that affects boys too?

b) but what about this other issue in schools that affects boys too?

What the everloving fuck is so hard about centring girls on a thread where the topic is the suffering of girls being obscured by "inclusive" language? This is a feminist forum for heavens sake. Why can't we have a thread about girls that doesn't involve everyone reminding us about the suffering of boys?

My main issue here is the schools.

Any parents when they find out need to contact the police first and foremost. This is a serious criminal offence regardless of where the incident took place. Police will be able to arrange forensic medical exams where necessary.

There then needs to be something done re schools. GDPR trainingbwas compulsory why cant this be compulsory training?

Any teachers that have witnessed or failed to report disclosures of sexual assault should be sacked and banned from teaching. This might make them report it through school procedures and with immediate effect to the parents and police.

There needs to be accountability if this is going to be stopped.

My daughter was sexually assualted by two of her classmates when they were getting changed for PE. They were in Year 1 (England) so 6 at most. This was in the middle of the classroom - the teacher and TA were across the room. My daughter was told off for not getting changed quickly enough. To be fair to her teacher, she didn't see what was actually happening and was quite distraught when she found out the following day.

It didn't occur to me to involve the police, due to their ages, but I was told by the head that they gave the boys a bit of a talking to about not touching people without their permission and that was that. Their parents were not informed because 'it wouldn't achieve anything' and they'd already been spoken to.

I look back on it now and I wonder whether I should have had the police involved - would it at least have been recorded somewhere if I'd done that?

It absolutely needs to be clarified that this is a predominantly male on female situation and that it shouldn't ever be brushed off as 'they'll grow out of it' - I know at least one of the boys only apologised under duress and couldn't see what he'd done wrong. The assault was quite vicious and they physically hurt my daughter in the process but they thought it was a joke.

for you and your DD, Trohmaniac.

Their parents were not informed because 'it wouldn't achieve anything' and they'd already been spoken to.

That's absurd. Their parents need to know. They might be the best bet to prevent another such incident, and also: they have a right to know. I sure would want to know if this were my son!

Such an incident definitely needs to go into statistics. As for police, 6 years is really young, but then again calling the police on them might scare them, so I guess, it might be a good idea.

How did your daugher cope. Did she stay in the same class? Did she resent having to go to school with them? Did it stop?

Also, Trohmaniac, of course. Sorry if I came across as insensitive, but I was really esasperated about what happened to your daughter and the school's reaction.

Trohmaniac from me too.

It absolutely needs to be clarified that this is a predominantly male on female situation and that it shouldn't ever be brushed off as 'they'll grow out of it' - I know at least one of the boys only apologised under duress and couldn't see what he'd done wrong.

Exactly why obscurantism helps no one.

LangCleg clearly my thoughts are not wanted on this thread. I am more than happy to centre girls. I am wondering why this issue, the topic of the thread, is being treated as it. That is all. I shall continue to read and not post since I feel I cannot be of any use here. I will look forward to the conclusions other people come to and, as ever, I am hopeful we as women will be able to change the world for other women and girls.

Trohmaniac

Sorry, I posted then had to go out - I wasn't ignoring anyone, honestly.

As my daughter didn't understand what was happening other than the boys had 'hurt' her, I didn't get into the sexual part of it with her because she was 6 and didn't need to know. One of the boys (the one who was sulky about apologising) was a nuisance to her (although never physically again) during the rest of primary school, all minor things like mis-pronouncing her name on purpose repeatedly and general little digs, until she stood up to him and it stopped.

And it strikes me that this is the kind of behaviour that is brushed off so often in schools as 'boys are like this' and 'girls are like that' and if it isn't checked it escalates. My daughter was a hardy little thing, mostly, so she just got on with it but I don't feel she should have had to and that school could have done more with those boys, at the very least involving their parents.