Peer-to-peer abuse: Victim's parents call for changes to guidelines

[LangCleg]

BBC reporting on the terrifying and increasing levels of sexual assault in our schools. Extract (but do read the whole thing):

The parents of a six-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted by classmates have called for a record to be set up showing all sex abuse between children.

Bella - not her real name - was abused by two boys at her London school almost every playtime for six weeks

The government said schools should be reporting peer-to-peer abuse and Ofsted inspectors should be highlighting if the school did not do so.

But Ofsted said it would be impossible to judge if incidents were being noted.

Statutory guidelines introduced by the Department for Education (DfE) last year and updated for this September said all teachers and staff must read part of the Keeping Children Safe in Education Guidance, which explained what peer-on-peer abuse was and the types of sexual violence of which staff should be aware.

But no reporting mechanism was introduced to make sure each teacher read the guidance and no timescale by which that should have happened.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-49084906

@AngelasAshes
And yet, 98% of perpetrators are male.
If you have any stats to show that this is different for children, do please share.

It remains a fact that between 98 and 99% of convicted sex offenders are male.

I don't know why that is, it could be nature, it could be nurture. It's worth research into why, I think. Is it pornography? Is it living in a patriarchal society? Are men inherently more violent? Or is it simply that, being bigger and stronger, it is easier for them to get what they want by force? These are important questions to ask.

But in the absence of solid explanations as to the reason for this nearly hundred-fold difference in offending patterns, it's still worth noting that this is the way the statistics pan out. And that is borne out in country after country, it's not a UK only phenomenon.

Of course sexual abuse perpetrated by women is terrible, and causes just as much suffering for the victims as that perpetrated by men. But it is much, much rarer. If we want to make a big dent in offending statistics, we can usefully start with male behaviour.

AngelasAshes
And how many of those 'female' perpetrators in your evidence are actually men self identifying as women?

As for definitions of crimes, the UK also has a crime of serious sexual assault which carries exactly the same sentencing guidelines as rape. So it's not that the UK is "stuck in the 1950s", just that we have different names for different offences - but they are considered to be of equal severity and have the same sentencing guidelines.

As for under-reporting, well, we know that sexual crimes by men against women are also massively under-reported, so I think your attempt at a statistical analysis may fall down at that very obvious first hurdle.

Can I ask why you're so invested in "but women do it too"?

You’ve made a dubious logical leap Angela’s. Victimisation rates for males being higher than reported (plausible) doesn’t mean that percentage of female perpetrators is higher than reported: many male victims will have been assaulted by male perpetrators.

That's also true, Martha. All of the male friends and relatives I have who have disclosed having been raped/sexually assaulted (and it's a fair few, sadly) have been attacked by other men.

Which, again, is not to say that female sexual abusers don't exist, or that what they do isn't heinous. They do exist, and they are horrible. But they are much, much rarer than male sexual abusers.

This type of abuse usually reflects that both children have experienced abuse themselves. The child being abused by the classmate obviously but the other child has experienced some inappropriate exposure to sexual behaviour to even attempt this type of behaviour. I don’t reject “peer on peer” abuse for pre pubescent children. Peer with small children refers to age/class group. A 10 year old is not a peer of a 6 year old.

This is different for post pubescent children because their own sexual urges and drives have developed and they are acting on their own urges not those instilled in them through abuse.

Females can be sex offenders and predators.

Oh, FFS. This problem in UK schools overwhelmingly affects girls.

Naming the main problem is fucking important if we're going to tackle it.

If we're talking about children, then it's less likely that it's due to larger/stronger bodies or due to the influx of testosterone* at puberty (though of course teenagers aged 13-17 are still children).

Which leaves us with: exposure to inappropriate activity/imagery, whether sexual, violent or both; being taught that boys are supposed to be violent; being taught that boys are supposed to get what they want; a combination of those, and other things that other people will no doubt come along and think of.

*The only person who thinks there is a testosterone surge aged 5 is Steve Biddulph and he made it up to sell books as far as I can tell.

The age difference issue is an important one. I believe social services used to use a rule of thumb of a two year age gap - less than this and it might possibly be experimentation (though more likely to have been one or other child being shown inappropriate material such as online porn by a trusted adult). More than two years and it definitely was the older child abusing the younger child.

Peer on peer implies a power structure where the victim is equal to the perpetrator.

There is very clearly ALWAYS a power imbalance in these cases.

So yes I do very much think this phrase needs to be binned because of the effect this language has, which suggests that the victim is able to refuse or has enough power to challenge what is going on.

The power imbalance is a key factor in WHY the abuse is occurring in the first place.

The phrase almost suggests that schools have no ability nor responsibility to be actively preventing these situations from occurring; never mind that abdication of responsibility AFTER it has happened.

If you can't see the power structure in abuse, you can't stop it and you are unwittingly blaming the victim.

The same goes for child on child. Especially when the perpetrator is above the age of criminal responsibility. It suggests they are equally innocent - and whilst a child perpetrator might be vulnerable or at risk in their own right, there has to be a reflection of where they ARE making an active decision to do something they know to be wrong and harmful - and are not innocent in any way near the same way.

Oh, FFS. This problem in UK schools overwhelmingly affects girls

I don’t know if that is true. While the perpetrators of abuse are mostly male a very significant minority of the victims are male too. I have been abused and the sheer number of male victims on CSA support forums who do not speak about what happened in the wider community it absolutely shocking. I would suggest that male on male victimisation is grossly underestimated.

I did not realise the U.K. was behind on this and stuck in the 50s.

We're not 'stuck in the 50s'. We rightly recognise that penises carry specific risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease that make the crime of penetration different when the weapon used is a penis. We rightly reserve the word 'rape' for this specific crime.

And while god knows the UK is far from perfect I give thanks daily that I am not in the US given their appalling record on women's rights.

There's another thread up and running at the moment on "anti carceral feminism", which has some relevance to this, I think.

Particularly in connection with the tendency on the part of schools to move heaven and earth so as not to give permanent exclusions to the (mostly male) perpetrators, leaving the victims the choice of having to be in a class with their attacker or move school following a massive amount of effort on the part of their parents.

Coupled to this I have heard of "restorative justice" being used - i.e. get the boy to say "terribly sorry, won't do it again" (with his fingers crossed behind his back) which is meant to make it all magically okay.

@Lazydaisies "A significant minority" can still mean "overwhelmingly affects girls".
10-20% of victims would be, I'd say, significant.
80-90% of victims is still an overwhelming majority.

"A significant minority" can still mean "overwhelmingly affects girls".
10-20% of victims would be, I'd say, significant.
80-90% of victims is still an overwhelming majority.

I would be interested to know whether the significant minority of boys subjected to sexual assaults at school are found proportionately across both single sex and mixed sex establishments.

I'm somewhat inclined to think that it may not be helpful to focus on the sex of the victims. I'm sure we're all agreed that it's just as bad for boys to be abused. And maybe, pragmatically if cynically, if there was more awareness that boys were suffering too it would be taken more seriously and there would be a more correct prioritisation of the needs of the victim versus the perpetrator.

Particularly in connection with the tendency on the part of schools to move heaven and earth so as not to give permanent exclusions to the (mostly male) perpetrators, leaving the victims the choice of having to be in a class with their attacker or move school following a massive amount of effort on the part of their parents

Coupled to this I have heard of "restorative justice" being used - i.e. get the boy to say "terribly sorry, won't do it again" (with his fingers crossed behind his back) which is meant to make it all magically okay.

We can add universities to that. One of the recommendations of the investigation of the Warwick group chat scandal was that the university look into using restorative justice for "resolving" future cases. The author of the report acknowledged this was controversial but went on to recommend it anyway, and I'm sure the university will eagerly embrace this opportunity to brush future sexual harassment and abuse incidents under the carpet.

While the perpetrators of abuse are mostly male a very significant minority of the victims are male too.

Not in schools. Adult male paedophiles abuse both boys and girls.

Sexual assault in schools is overwhelmingly carried out by boys on girls.

This is about school reporting policy, which peer on peer currently obscures the reality of a problem.

And maybe, pragmatically if cynically, if there was more awareness that boys were suffering too it would be taken more seriously

Absolutely not Errol boys suffering abuse are stigmatised within an inch of their lives.

The point about single or mix sexed schools is a very valid one. I would suggest boys experience a hell of a lot less sexual violence in co ed schools. Bullies prey in the weakest. Sexual violence is a power based dominance behaviour so it will affect the most vulnerable first no question.

I would suggest boys experience a hell of a lot less sexual violence in co ed schools.

This would also be my suspicion.

Absolutely not Errol boys suffering abuse are stigmatised within an inch of their lives.

Not sure what you mean - I meant awareness in general terms, certainly not individuals.

Insisting that we must be able to name women and girls as predominant victims of sexual assaults should never mean ignoring what happens to boys and men. There should not be a hierarchy of awfulness.
The reason I (and so many women) feel suspicious of this language shift is because of the overt and successful attempts to eradicate women's identity / experiences at every level. Perhaps if all the predators and misogynists were less successful in appropriating our identities, culture, sport and safe sex segregated spaces, changes to language would not be appear to be so suspicious.

Yeah I agree. Peer on peer really means nothing. It’s sexual assault and should be called. Sexual assault
They should stop using words to hide the fact that it# sexual assaults going on in schools

Name it

I thought that was what you meant Errol what I meant is that boys who are abused are stigmatised as a group (generally) and individually. They really are. It might be way outside your experiences because you are an empathetic person but as I said from a long time on CSA boards it is totally different to what you think. Families turn against abuse victims when they report abuse. Society talks a good talk but does not respond in kind to child abuse. I know from personal experience and from a lot of reading in this topic since it happened to me.