The daily grind of entitled wankers

[Grace212]

A slightly unusual question for the board

I’m looking at driving again after a very long time. Today I had a refresher lesson. It was nice. But I did find myself wondering, will my world contain more or fewer entitled wankers if I’m driving again? As opposed to frequent public transport and a cab about once a week?

This may be the maddest question on the board but ...life is so full of arses.

You are not being thick Grace212 - I was replying to that on my phone in dark corner of restaurant! What I was trying to say was that I find changing routes/mode of transport helps. I switch back when I have got too irritated with one route/type of transport. And was not clear about mini cabs. I choose black cabs rather than Uber because the drivers have stricter Disclosure and Barring Service checks so they are less Agree with you that some mini cab firms can be great, especially if you are a regular.

The lack of tables on the tube, Overground and most trains does prevent the type of possession manspreading I hate but some train routes do have tables. They are great for working but only if train is not crowded.

Bother - sick of iPad deleting words it does not like. Missing lairy (and full stop) before agree. I should really try to preview posts properly [embarrassed]

Nettie mum and I are not near any black cabs, it’s just occasional mini cabs to and from her station and mine.

Changing routes doesn’t make a difference to anything really though of course when there’s weekend engineering work on one, I can take the other.

I’d probably feel a lot less negative if the instructor hadn’t spent most of the lesson doing theory, by the time we actually drove, I’d listened to him basically recite the Highway Code - bought my new copy last week and have been reading - for 40 mins and the whole experience was just off putting and made me want to shout “entitled wanker” a lot.

Oh, he also said he makes a point of taking brand new students to a a different area in case they’ve been practicing on local roads with their parents, and “well they’ve got to learn to navigate on new roads”.

I thought that was quite harsh. And stupid, actually. Haven’t learners got enough to learn to start with?

It's really interesting how people are saying they get treated better on the road when driving larger cars. I drive a small car and can confirm, I regularly encounter extremely stress-inducing aggressive, inconsiderate people. I hadn't considered that they are extra disrespectful to people in small cars but it makes sense, since they are basically bullies and bullies always target people smaller than them.

I tend to encounter at least one troublemaker per car journey, with the vast majority of people being absolutely fine and driving normally, but unfortunately the 1-2 bad ones do make driving very stressful, since their behaviour is often dangerous. For example, if you drive at the speed limit (rather than above it), you always get people either up your back end or trying to undertake you.

I see so many people speeding at about 10-15mph above the limit and I often wonder, don't they ever get caught?

Recently, whilst driving at exactly the speed limit, I encountered someone driving towards me at great speed, on the wrong side of the road. Meanwhile, I was being undertaken on the other side. So I had nowhere to go due to two dangerous drivers. Luckily the wrong side of the road driver swerved back in lane at the last minute and I avoided being in a head on collision.

I see people parked constantly on double yellow lines, blocking bus lanes, doing u turns, undertaking, speeding etc. I guess it depends where you live. It seems the police don't enforce the law much in terms of driving unless a speed camera catches someone so I've just accepted that the roads are basically like the Wild West and I have to be aware of not only my own driving, but of others too.

I find there are often 'interesting' characters on buses with questionable personal hygiene but they are not usually putting my life at risk.

There's definitely a huge difference in the way other drivers behave towards different sized cars. But I've also noticed it in myself as a driver - I drive more assertively in a larger care. (I hope I don't drive more wankerly in a larger car! )

Not driving an underpowered car helps too, both to enable slightly more assertive driving and less likely to have others 'bullying'. My commute back when I had the little hatchbacks was on an A road with bends and agricultural vehicles, so overtaking was often necessary. But a lot of the time as soon as there was a clear gap big enough to do it safely, the arsehole tailgating me would have pulled out rather than waiting for me to go first even if I was indicating. Changed to a Cavalier with a bit more oomph... fewer arseholes like magic.

The way other drivers treat you I’m pretty sure is based on what you drive rather than your sex. (I’m never sure whether that’s a good thing or not? Like yay finally something that’s not based on sex, ah but they’re still wankers...)

I’m saying that because I have a car, DP has vans, but we’re insured on each other’s and there’s a huge difference on how both of us are treated depending on whether we’re driving my car or his van.

My car for context is a rather unfortunately styled golf plus (second hand) which does look like it should be underpowered and wankers are terrible for trying to undercut or shove in when you’re driving it in a way they just don’t when either of us is driving a van.

What’s more telling is that actually I avoid one of the vans unless I have to drive it because it’s too slow and I hate it and my DP prefers not to drive my car because in his words - it’s ludicrous, there’s no need for a car to go that fast

But the only car I’ve had that there wasn’t a marked difference in how other people treated it over a van was a c-max...

So I’m pretty convinced it’s size rather than driver that attracts wanker driving aimed at you.

• The way other drivers treat you I’m pretty sure is based on what you drive rather than your sex. (I’m never sure whether that’s a good thing or not? Like yay finally something that’s not based on sex, ah but they’re still wankers...)

I think there may be a strong element of sexism in that vehicles can be stereotyped as 'women's' or 'men's '. Vans, and my old cavalier are 'bloke' vehicles.

Yes

But size matters lol

Only a fool gets in an 'argument' with a bus

“I think there may be a strong element of sexism in that vehicles can be stereotyped as 'women's' or 'men's '.”

Yes and no... there are some that are definitely unisex though and it’s size that makes the difference, corsas often have men in them (here they do anyway) and cars like c-maxes are often women because they fit kids stuff in them.

The vans are given a much wider berth than any large car...

So I kind of suspect it’s A - how large is the vehicle I’m being an arse to and B - how much are they going to care if it gets damaged and when they decide it’s small they’ll go for it, but if it’s larger or they think it’s a work vehicle rather than a personal one they don’t...

Not saying there’s no sexism at all involved, but I’m very sure they don’t look at either me or DP before deciding because we’ve both noticed it depends what we’re driving.

I would opt for the car in your situation. Even though I prefer to take public transport whenever possible. I'm pretty sanguine, so don't get stressed out that much either way, but even I had enough after two years of manoeuvring a pushchair and assorted bags onto and off Edinburgh busses. Especially since they don't wait until you have a seat or have reached a place you can hold on to. Fell over quite a bit.

So then I was in a similar situation to you - already had a driving licence but hadn't driven at all since then (about six years). I definitely needed refresher lessons. My driving instructor was an arse, too, but the poor man had an arse for a pupil as well. That's because it was my DH and he has no patience and I don't react well when men tell me what to do. Plus the stuff he kept telling me didn't make sense until I had driven for a few years.

I'm 5'5, so am currently feeling like giant next to all of you! But DH and DC are 6 ft tall and they drive my car regularly which always reminds me just how short I am. My legs are fairly short (always have to buy short length trousers), so I sit really close to the steering wheel, too. Which I'm now hyperaware is a problem but WTF am I meant to do? I can't reach the damn pedals otherwise.

As for wankers on the road vs wankers on public transport. To me and at worst that's a toss up between wankers who endanger you vs wankers who harass you. And at best it's annoying wankers that mar your journey. I'm pretty sanguine, as I said, so I don't pay any heed to annoying wankers on the road, but annoying wankers on public transport are usually in your space. Right in your face if you're unlucky.

So greater freedom, flexibility and less travel time plus lower degrees of wankery equals car. And an awareness that my risk is greater, but DH taught me to be a defensive driver, so it's a risk I'm willing to take.

I'm currently driving my smallest car ever (Toyota Yaris) and I love it. Used to drive a big Ford sedan, two American SUVs, a Renault Espace, a Chevrolet Tacuma and some monstrously strong-motored big BMW thing on occasion. Yet the Yaris is my favourite, despite or maybe because of the size and because it still has enough power for my purposes.

Might well be true that people behave differently coz of the size, but I haven't honestly noticed. But then, like I said if I notice annoying wankers on the road at all, I've forgotten about them by the next traffic light.

Ooh also, seat position... I’m not convinced it’s height that it’s based on.

I’m not short, I have longer legs than my DP in fact,

I’ve never once got in a car driven by a man - whether he’s my height or shorter than me and not had to pull the seat forward.

I assume they can reach the pedals...

So it must be something else that’s different about how men and women sit while driving?

So if they’re using male bodies to design them, even accounting for height it’s going to be wrong for women?

thanks for the input

there is a lot to think about

Also, the weekend journeys are always marred by large groups going to football matches. There is big game on every fucking day now it seems. That said, because I don't drive at the moment, I don't know what the resulting effect is on the relevant roads.

I think one reason mum likes driving is that for years, she has only driven on local roads, residential roads, people doing about 20mph mostly.

My gut feeling is that driving again is something that seemed like fun in theory, but in practice might add to my stress level. In a way, my brain is already set to deal with public transport hassle. So I would be introducing a new set of hassle into my life and will the fun outweigh that?

I don't know. I will ponder!

I think there's a certain amount of personal preference in seat position. My DD is pretty much the same size as me and seems to prefer higher and a bit further forward than me. Possibly because she's a new driver so manoeuvres are important and she's not been driving my car with all round sensors.

I find that if I'm in an unfamiliar car eg a loaner when mine is in for servicing or repair, that I start with the seat more forward and then as I get more used to it, move it back.

@Grace212 maybe you could seek out a female instructor?

@tabulahrasa size of feet makes quite a difference depending on the position pedals are set on the floor.

Joh are you a female instructor?

I wasn't thinking it would be an issue but perhaps it is. I am still amazed he wasted 45 mins of the session the way he did.

x post

my feet are size 3 or 4 depending on shop.

So our feet are too small and wrong

Poor feet :(

@Fraggling who said that? 🤔

Maybe women should walk everywhere really

And leave the driving to the men?

That sounds quite sensible. Each to their skills etc

If our feet are too small to drive then that the way it is. The design of cars is the way our is for a very good reason. The fact they fit men so much better is one of those weird coincidences.

'So you are paying a driving instructor to take you through a refresher lesson or two but are arguing about the seating position with them. And are arrogant enough to think that they cannot possibly know what a correct seating position is.'

John i thought that men knew better than women whether women are comfortable or not, and women who say no really this is more comfortable for me, are argumentative and arrogant?

Women
I'm comfortable
Man
no you're not that doesn't look comfy too me you're too close now can that be comfy
Woman
No really I'm comfy this is fine
Man
You are argumentative and arrogant
And furthermore, your feet are too small
Now get out and let me do it fgs

:D

for anyone not reading all the posts, I'd just like to reiterate that I didn't argue with the instructor and used the seat position I was told to.