This is why men get away with so much - their behaviour is always excused and dismissed

[AnotherAdultHumanFemale]

A male teacher was recorded as saying that female pupils at his school were 'gagging for it' when he was drunk at the school prom.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-49177014

A panel investigated and concluded:

"(The teacher's) actions were those of crass stupidity, which represented a considerable misjudgement as to what was an appropriate amount to drink, and language to use, at an end of year prom."
However, it said it was "a one-off incident" and decided a prohibition order was "not appropriate".

=In other words, the panel thinks:

'Yes he was an sexist inappropriate pig who is probably a safeguarding risk but so what, what's the big deal?'

I am sick of seeing the terrible behaviour of men be dismissed, downplayed, excused and covered up. I can only imagine that the panel consisted of other men who act like this teacher did all the time so of course they wouldn't condemn him, because to condemn him would be to condemn themselves. And they just want to be able to continue behaving in sick and disgusting ways towards women and girls.

Poor girls who have to be taught by him. My DD is prom age and I can imagine how her and her friends would feel about a teacher who said that, it's totally inappropriate.

Has he at least had an official warning? I think he should at the very least be given that. But I agree, drunk or not, these comments are highly inappropriate for a male teacher to make about female students.

The girls, inhibited by drink probably were acting in ways as a fertile young person naturally would.

But.
There are boundaries.
Female boundaries.
Young boundaries
Pupil boundaries.

The adult. male. teacher. crossed them all.

Yes I agree with that.

At my prom a male teacher grabbed my behind. It was a few weeks before my 18th. We were all drunk. I’m still disgusted.

I am sick of seeing the terrible behaviour of men be dismissed, downplayed, excused and covered up

Me too. It’s happening in cases like this and all the way up to murder being trivialised using BDSM as an excuse. I’m fed up too. The All Blacks coach just said some men aren’t real abusers and are just stressed and lash out. Ffs.

Yes, the problem is that institutions set up to investigate misconduct and crimes including the police, don't genuinely see sexist and misogynistic attitudes, behaviour and language as a problem. They all have the same attitudes themselves.

Thus the cycle continues where women and girls get harassed, raped and abused and get blamed for it whilst the men who carry out the behaviour and crimes are coddled and excused in the majority of cases. Because 'boys will be boys' and 'men will be men' and 'she was probably asking for it anyway.'

She was probably asking for it

She still has boundaries.
The men will claim otherwise.

I know that they're not necessarily reliable narrators but I'm startled by the number of chaps who attend a psychologist/psychiatrist and report that there is zero expectation on them to improve while they 'work on their issues'. Even if the behaviour would be labelled abusive if someone else did it.

It's almost as if the social expectation that chaps don't necessarily need to behave like adults is carried over into the consultation room...Or as if they construe it that way or frankly misreport it in a manner that suits them.

Yes, I still can't get my head round that story about the former medical student who raped that unconscious woman because of the stress of leading an "exemplary life".

www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/prachur-shrivastava-med-student-rape-sentencing-1.5216935

She was probably asking for it

He's still her teacher and so should be held to a high standard of integrity. It goes with the profession.

I was recently asked by my attacker's lawyer in court that wasn't it possible I was "hysterical" and he was just trying to calm me down?

I was on my back while the fists of a man a full foot taller rained down on my face and chest. The police described my injuries as "horrific"

Nearly gone done for contempt of court with my reply, in fact I asked the guy (all straight middle class white men v me) if he would use the word "hysterical" in relation to a man 🙄

To be fair, being beaten almost unconscious DID calm me down a lot. But it's against the law oh dear - we'll just fine the poor fella.

And I was quite angry (but not violent)

He'd just cut one side of my long hair off.

Silly women always overreacting!

I can only imagine that the panel consisted of other men who act like this teacher did all the time so of course they wouldn't condemn him, because to condemn him would be to condemn themselves.

The decision not to issue a prohibition order was issued by a woman.

I was going to say that noble.

His behaviour was utterly unprofessional and his attitude stinks. Banned for life? I'm not so sure that would be reasonable.

He told the panel he heard him say: "Lads, you need to go where this lot are for the after party, they are gagging for it", referring to the female pupils.
Give me strength. It's about time men in professional jobs requiring a duty of care were shown zero tolerance to establish civilised standards of behaviour.

rosalisa

He told the panel he heard him say: "Lads, you need to go where this lot are for the after party, they are gagging for it", referring to the female pupils.

Great role model there. He should be sacked and struck off. How does he know whether those young women were thinking about sex anyway? Does teacher training include clairvoyance?

Also, if any of those young women were raped or assaulted that night, that teacher should be held jointly liable with the assailant after a comment like that.

Rosalisa

The decision not to issue a prohibition order was issued by a woman.

In that case, it makes it even more depressing. Too many women defend men who behave like this.

I'm really sorry to hear about your experience Rosalisa, it sounds absolutely horrific, both the attack and how you were treated in court. I hope that justice was served and that you are doing ok now, and have had support for what you went through. Too many women are traumatised by the court system which often blames them for being attacked by violent males. I'd love to see the whole system overhauled, it isn't fit for purpose.

Why was the teacher consuming alcohol at work ?

M0RVEN
Proms are usually out of work events that staff attend in their own time. Venues expect staff to be present and usually there's enough volunteers (we buy our own tickets). It's a nice evening with the students and some staff have a social drink. I dont at y11 prom but have had a drink at y13. Most staff are totally professional and it's a lovely evening.

This man (I would guess) is probably the 'look at my banter, see how cool and down with the kids I am' type so decided to abandon all professional judgement and got drunk. It's really quite tragic. Someone having one or 2 too many at y13 prom is not my style but I can understand it. Getting drunk at y11 prom is really quite sad.

It's as though the standard is that all men are barely restraining themselves at all times, and if it slips occasionally 'that's ok, he keeps himself restrained most of the time'.

I agree Morven. Regardless of whether it's an out of school out of hours event, I don't think it's at all right for teachers to be getting drunk with pupils. It's unprofessional and a safeguarding issue. It's another thing that is downplayed and minimised in the article, in fact they don't even point out that it's wrong. The panel seemingly didn't give two hoots that this bloke got drunk, and actually used his drunkeness to excuse his behaviour.