The fatal, hateful rise of choking during sex - Guardian piece

[WomanDaresTo]

Please read this extraordinary piece by Anna Moore in the Guardian www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex on women killed in claimed sex games "gone wrong" and the normalisation of choking of women in sex.

When a direct threat to life is slowly normalised, “it means that a woman whose partner chokes her might not report it – and if she does, it might go nowhere,” says Edwards. “It means that if a woman dies this way, judges and juries feel ‘this is how people have sex now’ and questions aren’t always asked.”

Benjispruce Sun 28-Jul-19 09:19:26 womaninthedark tweet that.

Not on twitter, sorry. But anyone can share if they credit me!

It’s a great article and I’ve shared on a fb group I’m on where lots of women were talking about porn being normal and natural
There such a lack of critical thought about the effects of porn and it looks like it will be up to us to make people more aware of the many harms it causes

Btw mnhq adverts for festival of the dead on a thread about women who have been murdered....really??!

@womaninthedark - love that. Will show my kids.

womaninthedark Sat 27-Jul-19 16:07:43

That's an excellent piece! Thanks for posting it. Respect.

Just to answer:

I bet there aren’t many women into auto erotic asphyxiation.
It looks like no women in the UK. Every person we can find who has died this way is male.

Despite this it's not unheard of for women's deaths to be treated as non-crimes:

We know of four women killed by men (all later convicted of murder) whose deaths were not initially presumed to be a crime: Jessica McGraa, Lesley Potter, Sally White, Kerry Goddard

The men who killed them were convicted after: pathologist review confirmed murder, her husband confessed, he murdered two other women, and pathologist review, respectively.

There is one case of a woman who died and the coroner rrecorded an open verdict - the police decided not to pursue it as a crime. Her family were extremely concerned that police didn't properly treat the place she died as a crime scene - although they did arrest her partner before releasing him without charge. She had a “strange” and “unnatural” relationship with him.

And to all of you who have experienced this

Personally, I don't know how women consent to this, anymore than anal sex or other perversions.

Nothing that men do surprises me. That is all I have to say.

Unfortunately, 50 Shades made this behaviour look glamorous and women bought into it.

It's really worrying the way things like this are being normalised, what can be done about it though? I don't want my dc growing up thinking this is ok!

We have to speak out about it. Tell people it isn't compulsory. The world is such a mad place now that the few of us who are not buying in to the insanity have to run an underground movement against it.

After reading this thread, I'm going to make sure I don't use the term 'vanilla' again, and that I challenge it when I hear it. People can set their own boundaries. 'Vanilla' suggests that some people's boundaries are less worthy than others.

Bumping for those that missed it first time around.

Thanks Fanny. It is an incredible piece.

Also just to say, We Can't Consent To This are looking to hear from women who have experienced this, so we can understand the scale of this and try to change it.

Details here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3738176-We-Cant-Consent-to-this-choking-research

I'm also never going to use the term "vanilla" again.
I am also going to call out b** play wherever I see it. I'm not going to say the word, there is nothing playful about strangulation.
I'm being accused of kink shaming on twitter right now. Guess what. I'm going to kink shame.
We need more kink shame to re-establish boundaries and let young women (and men) see that boundaries are normal and to be respected.

And to the kinksters and apologists that come on these threads to tell us what fun it is - I'm going to report all such posts in the interests of safety for our young women, daughters, sisters and respect for those who have died, and then been blamed for their own deaths.

All kinks are not equal and anyone who thinks they are is thick. If your kink involves hurting other people then you should be shamed for that.

We need more kink shaming IMO.