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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

I'm not convinced that feminism has helped the women it should have?

905 replies

soapona · 22/07/2019 13:18

I think on these discussion boards and on my Facebook I see women. They don't insist on marriage so they partner remains married to the ex for years and year, they live together and I wonder what will happen should the man die. I also see women with no security living with men with no intentions of marrying and having children. Women moving in with men too soon. In the days gone by women would and could have insisted on commitment. So now the position for women is worse hanging round waiting for a proposal.

I know they don't have to I'm fairly wealthy and a single parent so have choices and always have. I don't have a lot to gain from marriage.

I'm not sure things have got better for women we are expected to do a lot now two incomes are the usual for a mortgage instead of one in the olden days . So it's a given women work, do the most childcare do we honestly think these thing will change when the power imbalance is there from the beginning?

Also the women marrying "beneath themselves", that's not the correct term but a man earning less and not likely to come into a decent inheritance. What is the point in getting married there if you're a women? Perhaps if the woman is wealthy to avoid inheritance tax for her children but other than that I don't know?

So would woman not be happier marrying the same or above and insisting on marriage early on, like it was a given in days gone by?

Surely Women are now in very risky positions due to this living together in a man's property. I see much more domestic abuse these days. I believe the stats are much higher with non married couples. Surely living together unmarried has been caused by equality and feminism and the very people feminists has been trying to help they've hindered.

OP posts:
sakura184 · 29/07/2019 23:48

I think it's fair to argue that monogamy might suit some women, now and again the planets align and what patriarchy has always expected of women, ( often with dire punishments for transgressions such as adultery) suits a particular woman's character. I don't think that's really part of the debate.

If marriage were natural why the need for it to be written into the Koran, for example, or into law. Marriage is imposed on women through a lot of ways: economic discrimination being a bit part of it.

It was legal until 1992 to rape your wife in the UK. Is that also part of women's nature? To be raped as part of the marriage contract. I rather think men thought it was.

Anyway nobody is blaming wives for making the decisions they have. Well some feminists do, but I don't.

sakura184 · 30/07/2019 00:22

7 Chinese girlfriends buy a mansion to retire and die in

www.google.com/amp/s/nypost.com/2019/07/03/seven-chinese-girlfriends-buy-mansion-to-retire-and-die-together/amp/

Imnobody4 · 30/07/2019 01:12

Sakura184
And if monogamy is unnatural for women, is it also unnatural for lesbians?

Pretty much. Some radical feminist lesbians are what they call "marriage resisters" . I've heard that one reason American lesbians want to marry is so they are the next of kin when their wife is in hospital. Sometimes if they're not married they're not allowed at the deathbed, that sort of thing

Marriage and monogamy aren't synonyms you know. Monogamy means 1 partner at a time. All the lesbians I know are in committed relationships. Most have married and are grateful to David Cameron for that if nothing else. Are you really saying you think that is unnatural?

sakura184 · 30/07/2019 01:24

Marriage and monogamy aren't synonyms you know. Monogamy means 1 partner at a time. All the lesbians I know are in committed relationships. Most have married and are grateful to David Cameron for that if nothing else. Are you really saying you think that is unnatural?

Yes I do know. If monogamy is natural then why do you need it to be enforced by law and religion? With often severe punishments for women who transgress? Adultery is one of the things you must not do in marriage. The Bible is very clear on that. And so is secular law.

Serial monogamy is probably a bit closer to what is natural. Women would most likely have one baby with one man before moving on and possibly having another baby with another man. Well this happens anyway, now that there are fewer strictures on women's behavior , but marriage is basically supposed to be "till death do us part". Now at least a divorce is obtainable and many women do go ahead and get one, despite it being very difficult to live alone with kids (see my previous posts)

And originally the wife had to be a virgin, but that has had to be relaxed as well because women were having none of the double standard.

there are women I know who don't know who the father of their kid is... so women's behavior differs greatly from woman to woman.

Patriarchy has always been very clear though: some women are for babies and therefore those women must be monogamous (marriage) and some women are for fucking therefore those women must have many men (prostitution) .

sakura184 · 30/07/2019 01:34

Lesbians seem to have a similar pattern to het women: one night stands, sleeping around, serial monogamy, and later in life serious pair bonding.
I think marriage brings certain social and legal benefits to lesbians for sure, I just don't think they would need those things outside of patriarchy

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