Banned from women-only FB group

[maet]

A trans woman edited by MNHQ because OP is using second language posted in a women's only FB group wanting free emotional labour and "validation" from untrained women to help them with getting over their abusive ex boyfriend.

I stated it wasn't appropriate to ask untrained women to take on their emotional labour, especially considering what had happened to them was so traumatic (according to them they ended up in hospital), and especially not for free and suggested they seek professional help instead.

Cue trans woman and women stating I was being transphobic, and "wouldn't understand the fear a marginalised group would go through."

I was told I hadn't been through a traumatic experience before so couldn't possibly understand what the OP was going through.

I've been banned from a group specifically designed for women. Nowhere in the post did I mention anything about the OP being trans.

I am so sick of this shit. The world has gone mad.

But what ideas did she have? She hasn't said that she made any suggestions to admin, only that she posted something and was then banned. So in what way was she trying to improve the community?

It's funny how the OP and another woman got banned but she's the one who is supposed to be imposing. There's a power imbalance at work definitely, but it isn't in favour of the OP.

There's a power imbalance at work definitely, but it isn't in favour of the OP.

No it's in favour of the group's, presumably female, admins. It seems like you only want women to be able to enforce boundaries when those boundaries happen to be where you would like them.

FormerMediocreMale

Yep I've read it. I don't believe the 2nd statement that the op made.

There is a massive difference between what she initially said and what she then later claimed to have said. How do you get the 2 mixed up? How do you say initially "I said not to expect women to do your emotional labour for free" and then change it to "I merely suggested that they speak to one of the many English speaking therapists in Berlin"?

I can see how the first post gets you banned for transphobia, so that makes sense within the context of the thread.

There's nothing wrong at all with the 2nd statement so that makes absolutely no sense as to why the op was banned for transphobia.

So on the balance of probabilities I believe that the first account is the true one.

By flagging up that someone was using the group for a purpose that it wasn't intended for. Most people in subject specific FB groups dislike derailing or going off topic. I moderate quite a big one myself. They should have spoken to the MTF trans person offline and offered sympathy but firmly said that is not what the group is about and asked them not to post about personal issues there.

I can see why it was deemed offensive by other group members and the admin

It was deemed transphobic.

Yes, it was deemed both.

And maybe the op should have raised her concerns with admin behind the scenes rather than trying to police it herself?

Maybe she should. None of us were there, or know what the group is like.

No it's in favour of the group's, presumably female, admins. It seems like you only want women to be able to enforce boundaries when those boundaries happen to be where you would like them.

The power imbalance is in favour of the MTF trans, who single handedly changed the nature of the group and in the process got two existing members banned.

I want women to be able to enforce boundaries against males, because they are vital for our safety and well-being. Women setting boundaries to the detriment of other women and in favour of males is as old as the hills and entirely allowed in patriarchy. Women who refuse to do that are brave. The OP was brave, unfortunately she got banned for it.

They should have spoken to the MTF trans person offline and offered sympathy but firmly said that is not what the group is about and asked them not to post about personal issues there

And maybe they did that as well but by then the op had been banned for making an offensive comment.

I seriously want to see the people here, defending this MTF trans, showing up on a tech forum to report their trauma, go to PistonHeads to do the same thing

Why would I go to Pistonheads? I'm a MNer. I post on MN.

I doubt it, but yes, it's possible.

The power imbalance is in favour of the MTF trans, who single handedly changed the nature of the group and in the process got two existing members banned.

How did the trans woman get anyone banned?

2 people were banned because of what they said. They got themselves banned.

. I don't know what transphobia is and nobody can define it to me properly.
Periods are transphobic, I know that, because some woman who wrote comics for teenage girls got accused of it. Pregnancy- also transphobic. Not wanting to lie to people - transphobic. But it's still not clear to me. The definition is so woolly. How can we be sure the OP was transphobic when nobody really knows what it is?

Now you really are being so obtuse Roses you're practically a straight line. You know exactly why the suggestion you post on Pistonheads was made.

Decomposing - I haven't twisted a single thing.

I agree!

You've twisted many things.

Sakura it's anything they want it to be and it's rather effective.

I want women to be able to enforce boundaries against males, because they are vital for our safety and well-being.

I totally agree. But neither the transwoman's presence nor post impacted the OP's safety or well-being or disadvantaged her in any way.

Her own comments which were perceived as transphobic did so.

The OP's community was targeted by community disruption.

And I admire the OP's fortitude and spirit. to OP

It's astonishing. The OP's own account, own description, own narrative, where at least three or four people have said they have experienced exactly the same thing, is disbelieved, in favour of a virtually hypothetical man.

The only account you have is the OPs. The only one.

It's chilling.

GirlDownUnder

Ok, if you say so

Haha, everything needs explaining. Then it can be nitpicked, then explained again, then nitpicked again, then explained again. And so it goes, on to 1000.

The OP's community was targeted by community disruption. And I admire the OP's fortitude and spirit. flowers to OP

How are we the repetitive ones when you've just posted that word for word upthread?

Yawn.

Bedtime.

The only account you have is the OPs. The only one.

That's the only one that I'm believing. I have no idea what the trans woman's account is. I'm basing it on what the op says she said.