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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Antinatalism has a point but it upsets me

156 replies

sakura184 · 08/07/2019 11:58

So I've been involved in feminism for many years.
I got involved in quite a radical group and as time went on I learned about antinatalism.

These radical women very much despise mothers and it didn't feel any different to the run of the mill patriarchal undermining and despising of mothers.

But they do have a point. They say we shouldn't have had babies at late stage patriarchy because we can't protect our children, the environment is polluted beyond all repair, that women have lost their access to clean and plentiful food and water. We have given birth under inhumane conditions and for this we should experience a deep guilt. One said "I can't imagine being able to live with myself after doing something so heinous".

Anyway i find it upsetting and was just hoping for maybe some sort of support thread or something. I've given birth twice and only now I do see that the antinatalist feminists have a point but obviously it's too late for me to change what I've done. They think women who gave birth are either stupid or evil beyond compareSad

How to carry on, in regard to what kind of future our children have. I wish we didn't live under patriarchy, and could raise our children safely and happily.

The antinatalsits would probably say this is a horrible, self indulgent thread. That mothers just should suck it up and live with the guilt, but I can honestly say I had no idea how bad things were when I decided to have children and I think most mothers are like me.

OP posts:
Mabellavender · 09/07/2019 21:40

They’d hate me I’ve got 6 and another on the way. Grin

Mabellavender · 09/07/2019 21:41

And what hipsterfun said!

sakura184 · 09/07/2019 22:11

Mabellavender

I ave a friend with 6 kids , I always admired her as some sort of wise matriarch. I don't know I've always thought women who gave birth were amazing . I thought that before I had kids and I thought it after I had kids

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 09/07/2019 22:57

I didn't want children at all. DH said that was fine. He already had his adored DD. But from the week we moved in together we had DSD the whole weekend every week because her mum worked then.

Over the next few years I grew to love spending time with DSD. It was also really obvious that DH would never desert me. One of the reasons I didn't want DC was a dread of becoming a single parent.

One day I asked DH if he'd mind if I changed my mind. He just smiled in his laid back way, said no, and I got pregnant almost instantly. We had two DC and then, when they were still at primary school, DH died.

So I became a single parent, which I hated as much as I thought I would. But being a mother - which I never wanted until I was over 30 - has been the most rewarding, complex, challenging, wonderful thing in my life. I'm so grateful for my boys, and my DSD who taught me how lovely looking after a child could be. Such a darling.

I'm so grateful I have DH's sons and a half share in his DD. No one guilted or pressured me into it. It was entirely the right decision.

I have spent countless hours and all my emotional energy over 25+ years building kind, ethical young adults who will add to the world around them. I think it's been totally worthwhile.

ChattyLion · 09/07/2019 23:08

Flowers Prawn that is a lovely post.

hipsterfun · 09/07/2019 23:33

Thanks for sharing that, Prawn. It’s all sweet, but I loved these bits:

I didn't want children at all. DH said that was fine.

One day I asked DH if he'd mind if I changed my mind. He just smiled in his laid back way, said no

Flowers
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