Derogatory talk about women? Help me process this

[Hedgehogette]

There was a thread in relationships recently where the poster was saying her boyfriend had said their relationship was special because it wasn't based on sex and in previous relationships the women were only there to fuck.

I had a problem with an ex last week where he suddenly started going on about me 'keeping my legs together'. I didn't cheat on him and I didn't leave him for anyone it was because he was acting nuts.

Both of these made me feel deeply uncomfortable. Could you help me articulate why aside from it being derogatory?

Because the first man thinks he is giving his girlfriend high praise indeed by casting her as a madonna and his previous girlfriends in the role of whore. That is a concerning mindset, one which suggests he may not see any woman as an equal partner. I'd be running for the hills. That amount of contempt and disrespect for the female sex doesn't bode well.

As for your ex, that's a little harder to gauge, but he is either out for revenge by denigrating you (slut shaming is an effective technique because it negatively impacts on women's self-esteem).

Or he continues to believe he has a claim on you, treating you as his property in a way, and therefore wishes to control your behaviour while limiting any potential rivals access to you.

Or he wants to play mind games with you, where you will eventually accept it's all your fault.

Or this is the only way he can explain why your relationship broke down, again accepting no blame on his part, but comforting himself with the notion that you weren't even faithful which makes him the poor victim.

Or he has lost touch with reality.

In both cases, there's a lack of respect for the affected women, one that indicates these men do not see women as having the same value as men.