Things that frighten you.

[Ali1cedowntherabbithole]

I'm thinking of the oft quoted phrase that men are scared women will laugh at them and women are scared that men will kill them.

I'm in my car in a supermarket car park and and a bloke nearby is shouting really loudly. I actually think it's light hearted banter with someone he knows, and my sensible brain knows I'm not really at risk.

And yet, my heart is racing and I have a sense of fear. I've slunk low in my seat to avoid being seen.

everyday behaviour that men probably don't even notice.

Sorry, posted too soon. I was trying to start a discussion about everyday things that women are frightened by, that have little or no impact on men.

Oh yes. Definitely loud aggressive male voices. Had very similar in a supermarket car park the other day after a local football match. Either they don't realise how intimidating it is, or they do realise and either don't care or rather enjoy it.

Also footsteps behind me when I'm walking on my own in a quiet place.

Groups of inebriated men together.

Yes to footsteps behind me. I discussed this with DH once. He couldn't comprehend that I always carry my keys in my right hand when walking alone after dark.

All of the above.

Even getting a taxi alone is scary, because we all know that women have been attacked.

Any women you know will be able to immediately reel off a list of things they do to keep their awareness high when they are out and about. It's just what we do.

Men will have to stop and think, if they can even come up with a theoretical list at all.

Being seen alone by a man. Running, alone in my rural home, entering an isolated part of a building etc.

I know NAMALT, but Christ, if a girl can get raped twice in a night in two totally separate events then the odds aren't great once my vulnerability has been noted by a male.

I avoid taxis if alone. I have even rented a car at airports where I could not get public transport. Not knowing who the person driving is, whether he has not slept in 20 hours or drunk, etc. I drive a lot but always aware that being in a car is one of the most dangerous things I do. Getting into someone else's car with no information about the guy driving it, is a total no.

Leaving a drink when I went to the loo (I got into the habit of taking it with me).

Taking my dog for a walk on my own at night or in the countryside. Also when I’m on my own in the countryside with my young children it sometimes creeps me out. And it really fucking annoys me feeling like that as I know statistically these things aren’t particularly risky it just feels like it is. Makes me feel like a right wet blanket and I hate that.

Habitually driving with my car doors locked when alone. DH has no comprehension of why I do this.

Still all of these for me.

Got caught up in some security staff apprehending a shoplifter at lunchtime today, that was a little scary. Fortunately no one actually bumped into me but it was damn close. Unexpected invasion of personal space.

Going into a garage office to pay for car repairs. Enclosed space, innuendo jokes past between the two mechanics at my expense, nude calendars on the walls.

Blokes in this situation only have to worry about being ripped off. We worry about that and so much more.

I've stopped running by the canal path near me since last summer there were 3 separate attacks on female runners. No one was caught.

I've stopped going to a splash pool with my son since local news reports told of a lone man with a long lens camera was seen hiding in the bushes. No one was caught.

I'm scared of groups of drunk men after rugby matches on the train, men in public loos, men in lifts, lone men on the train who have touched me and stopped me from getting off at my stop. I've been attacked by men in the UK and when working abroad and don't go out much now. I'm scared of this ideology taking over and teaching our children lies and I'm worried for the lengths they will go to to get their way.

(I'm also scared of the end of civilisation so you can see why I don't sleep at night.)

I always considered myself pretty street smart, thanks to growing up in a rough neighbourhood. I always seem to sense when it's gonna hit the fan as it were. I've generally managed to avoid some pretty sketchy situations. Now I'm at the wrong side of 40 I'm more aware than ever. Maybe it's awareness that I'm not as strong and agile as I used to be. Maybe it's because society has become more violent. Maybe it's a mothers protective instinct that kicked in?

Always on edge in a taxi or uber alone. I was propositioned by a driver at 16 with a broken leg while my mother was in the backseat.

Alone with the kids in the country. Yep. Boys were younger and in bed, husband back in Sydney I decided to pop 'The Strangers' into the DVD. Not the smartest choice for a woman in a cabin in bush. Completely freaked out. I was so frightened I considered going to the neighbours, but didn't want to wake my kids.

I think that's my biggest fear. A home invasion. As a kid I've lived through people banging on our door in the early hours, claiming to be police (spoiler alert they weren't) peepholes are good for something. I was terrified. Mum told them to piss off they had the wrong unit. Drugged out people looking for more drugs.

Being alone with men I don't know very well.

All of the above. In fact there are a lot of things I just don't do at all.

We live rurally, so I nearly always drive so I don't have to rely on a taxi or lift. And there is only so much orange juice and Pepsi I can drink of an evening.

I don't take the dogs out after dark.

I also hated business trips for work, staying in budget hotels full of contractors.

I didn't notice it consciously until relatively recently, but I assess situations for how I would stand or move if I were attacked by a man. If I'm home alone, and I go lock the back door, I always brace myself and do it very quickly lest someone push the door back open.
If I'm on my own in a lift and a man gets in, I assess him quietly and shift my weight, and feel the stirrings of fight or flight. Same in a stairwell.

The bus is probably the worst. I've been terrified in buses with only one other person apart from the driver, when a man has decided that sitting directly behind me is the best seat. Or when the bus crowded and I've realized that the man standing next to me, with his crotch at my head height, has an erection.

So yeah, closing doors, using stairs or lifts, or riding in empty or busy buses.

As with QuentinWinters, it's being alone with a man, unless I know him very well. Particularly in a confined space.

All of the above plus being in lifts, or faraway isolated areas of public buildings alone with men. isolated open spaces I just completely avoid alone

Walking my dog. It's a public place, I only do it in daylight hours when people are usually around, but I've still been accosted several times, and there's an underpass on the route which I'm particularly careful of. Had one guy on a bike pass me, give me that look that makes you hit red alert, and as I turned the corner I saw he'd stopped at the mouth of the underpass ahead of me and was standing there, waiting. I got the fuck out of there at high speed. I ought to be too old for this crap by now.

The guys from the group home are much nicer, they give you a friendly smile and just ask straight out if you'll have sex with them. And accept it quite cheerfully when you explain that no, that is not going to be happening.

When the smoking ban started, I was really freaked out by having to walk past a group of men of an evening. Then I realised that they were just standing outside to have a cigarette and calmed down.

When I lived in the country I hated pulling up to my house in the dark. It was only a couple of yards from the car to the door, and once inside I'd be safe with four big dogs, but I'd sit in the car with doors locked trying to screw my courage up to.make a run for it.

Bloke yesterday walking around the golf course I was running around. Sunglasses, hoodie, stony face. I looked at my splits after and I was running very fast past him.

And I had the dog with me. Alone would have been worse.

Not helped by the fact that a man attacked three women last night in my area. Not caught yet.