Things that frighten you.

[Ali1cedowntherabbithole]

I'm thinking of the oft quoted phrase that men are scared women will laugh at them and women are scared that men will kill them.

I'm in my car in a supermarket car park and and a bloke nearby is shouting really loudly. I actually think it's light hearted banter with someone he knows, and my sensible brain knows I'm not really at risk.

And yet, my heart is racing and I have a sense of fear. I've slunk low in my seat to avoid being seen.

everyday behaviour that men probably don't even notice.

Walking home through empty town centres in the dark.

This isn't something that frightens me, but that pisses me off unbelievably badly. You do realise that there will probably be men looking at this thread, given the popularity of mumsnet nowadays, and laughing about it? Women living in fear is exactly what these scum want.

I don't tell them, but frightened for my daughter and her partner who live in a rather 'dodgy' area. They both look like stereotypical lesbians (as is their perfect right) and I'm so afraid of them being targeted.

I relate to so many of these examples. I'm reassured to find I'm not as neurotic as I kept berating myself for but it's a shocking indictment of the society we live in. I feel uneasy anywhere I am alone and encounter a man I don't know.

I recently goggled telescopic batons, I want something to carry with me when I walk the dog in rural places because as nervous as I might feel I am determined not to have my life restricted by fear. Technically it's an offensive weapon but it would be useful for thrashing about in the undergrowth looking for tennis balls, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I won't walk the 400 yards to the local coop after dark after a women was raped on the path that leads there.

Even in daylight if I'm out alone I have my keys between my fingers in my right hand.

Hate the NAMALT brigade the ones who are indeed like that don't wear a sign announcing it.

Having the same car following you for a long time
Footsteps behind you.
I never get taxis if I can help it.
Walking my dogs in the woods alone( I think if anyone did grab me tho my dogs would attack them)
Getting back to your car in a Multi story car park late at night.

Yep, the car following me for a long time gets to me too.

Sometimes if I'm on my own downstairs IN MY OWN HOME at night I can start to feel uncomfortable.

On the rare occasion that I use a taxi, I always get the driver to stop a little way from our house in the hope that he won't see which one I go into, even though there are only 4 houses for about 2 miles.

For a couple of years I was dog-less, and hated having a shower. Now that I have dogs again I feel more comfortable about it, but even so I put on the burglar alarm. I've seen too many creepy movies 😂

Walking through a busy subway in London, in the middle of a summer day, a very large black man punched me in the stomach as he walked by, he just kept walking, nobody even looked.

Driving frightens me. I don't like driving on unfamiliar roads or motorways. I'm also now becoming a nervous passenger. Motorways scare me. I'm scared of the possibility of an accident.

I keep car doors locked all the time. My husband locks them if it's late or he's in a dodgy area.

The rest- taxis , lifts etc? No. I was working late last night. As far as I know I was the only person in a 7 storey office. I left around 1pm and walked home. I regularly walk home late at night /early morning.

Getting back to your car in a Multi story car park late at night

Agreed. That is so.something I would avoid, so does my husband.

LassOf I don't think that the fear of driving on motorways or unfamiliar roads is to do with being female, is it?

I grew up in London. When I was a young adult, we all considered the night buses to be safe. But if we travelled alone we never rode on the top deck, where the only escape route could easily be blocked. It didn't make any sense to the men. After all, we were happy to travel on the top deck with them.

I was having a coffee on a bench outside yesterday and a man sat next to me and started asking me questions. He was foreign born, I could tell by the accent and little English he spoke, and that's only relevent because it's the reason I didn't get up and move straight away - I didn't want him to think I'd loved because he was from another country, and I didn't want to offend him normal questions at first, but then asking me where I live, where do I work, do I have a husband, do you like me? At which point I got my phone out and rang a friend for an excuse to get the fuck away from him.

Outanabout
LassOf I don't think that the fear of driving on motorways or unfamiliar roads is to do with being female, is it?

The thread title asks for things that frighten you.I thought about what frightens me. Driving frightens me.

I find it quite alarming just walking round Leeds these days, especially in the evenings. So many drunk and drugged people wandering/lying around.

From what I have read about certain parts of Leeds I don't think being scared to be in parts of it will be an exclusively female reaction.

I work in a rural location and am often alone working. I work in hospitality, so the very nature of my job means that I am often greeting lone men - certainly off season we get a lot of contractors and then early season a lot of fishermen. Since returning to work here I have felt incredibly vulnerable because of this.

Apologies Lass, you're right.

From what I have read about certain parts of Leeds I don't think being scared to be in parts of it will be an exclusively female reaction.

I’m sure you’re right, but I was there with my husband and son and they seemed fine, even though it was dark. And I wasn’t in one of the dodgy bits. Guess I’m not used to cities, but it felt alien.

Also when I’m on my own in the countryside with my young children it sometimes creeps me out.

I used to feel this all the time, unless I was with other women or my then partner, father to my children or siblings.

No to taxi's on my own, unless during the day and a woman driver.

Footsteps behind me, and yes, I can tell if they are male and walking in pace with me.

I used to be frightened on my own in a big house, but I no longer feel that. My daughter is frequently alone in a big house in London and she feels very safe.

I'm ok with men talking loudly because I grew up with four brothers. It doesn't bother me. I know instinctively when a group of men are getting aggressive though, so can understand that feeling of being frightened.

Gosh yes to a multi storey car park. Even during the day.

From what I have read about certain parts of Leeds I don't think being scared to be in parts of it will be an exclusively female reaction.

Many men are scared when they find themselves alone in different places/circumstances, particularly if they are not white. However, they are also scared of men, not women.

Going into school on a Saturday to do revision, or staying in the building late on a weeknight. Its a very big school and it feels very strange being in a big empty building. Some parts feel safe, and some make me turn around and walk the other way to get where I am going.

Yes, a couple of times in the past year I've parked at Westfield to go to work dos, then had to walk back to my car after most of Westfield is shut (restaurants still open). I actually feel fine in the centre itself - there's always cleaning staff and the occasional security bod wandering around, but that last little bit to the car - I hate that (and don't even get me started on older, darker carparks)

The same when I'm in the house at night with the kids and DP's away.

I know the chances of anything happening are low - and I shut my fear in a little box and just get on with it, but the fear is there.

When I was a student and doing a lot more walking around a campus at all hours, I would always vary my route, and I had a habit of knowing every little lane and alley, so that if I felt worried, I'd be able to just disappear round a corner (and I did it a few times too when worried about footsteps behind). Years later I spoke again to some people I knew back then, and apparently I was known for it - apparently at least one of the guys had tried to find out where I lived (I don't think maliciously), and I'd lost them on the way home!

Unfortunately there's quite a list of things I've become scared of or wary about due to male violence.

I had a friend who was attacked when walking on the pavement by a cyclist wielding a length of wood like a lance, and several others who were targeted. If I hear a bicycle behind me now I hide behind a piece of street furniture or try to duck into somewhere less exposed like a doorway.

Quiet public spaces like staircases in carparks or empty public toilets. This includes our local library now it's unstaffed and only has computerised access most of the time. :(

I tense up in anticipation of physical retaliation when men in authority sound annoyed due to past abuse.

For a while I was scared of passing any men too closely on the street because some thug reached out and scratched my cheek with something that felt sharp as he walked past. I was convinced he'd cut me until I was able to get to a mirror. This was in the early afternoon on a busy shopping street and was completely unprovoked and unexpected.

At school word went around to keep your hair tucked in on the bus if it was long because some creep was targeting teenage girls and chopping off their ponytails. I saw it in the news years later that the culprit went on to murder a woman. :( I'm still conscious of always sitting with my back to the wall on buses or keeping an eye on the people behind me.

Following a sexual assault (or more accurately the last in a number of sexual assaults and violations) phoning up every rape and sexual abuse helpline number given by the victim support helpline the police gave me.

I asked them all one simple question, which was, "what are your views on satanic ritual abuse?"

To my horror every single service that I phoned thought that I identified as an SRA survivor and sought to reassure me that they knew that satanic ritual abuse was real and happened all the time.

To say that it frightened me is an understatement.

I despair at the training and CPD credits front line staff are receiving by attending training courses teaching them about the reality of "satanic ritual abuse" and how to treat the resulting range of dissociative disorders.

It is not the fault of the staff, any more that it is the fault of the front line staff who drink the kool aid about children being born in the wrong body.

I was once one of those front line staff who was trained in spotting the signs of SRA, thing is I realised very quickly that it was all batshit crazy nonsense.

However I had the advantage of meeting countless women with good relationships with their parents who went on to accuse them of incest and / or SRA after abusive therapy.

I fear the "soft" oppression of mass brainwashing more than physical assaults, but that's just me