'50 Shades Of Gaslighting: Disturbing Signs An Abuser Is Twisting Your Reality'
useful extended article worth reading in full By Shahida Arabi
Updated September 29, 2018
(extracts)
"Gaslighting, explained.
How do you convince someone that something they know to be true isn’t? In psychology, what is known as the “illusory truth effect” is a phenomenon in which a listener comes to believe something primarily because it has been repeated so often. When an abuser continually tells you that you are oversensitive or that what you are experiencing is in no way abuse, you begin believing it, even if you know deep down it isn’t true.
In other words, a lie that is repeated long enough eventually can be seen as the truth. Researchers Hasher, Goldstein and Toppino (1997) discovered that when a statement (even when it is false and readers know it to be false) is repeated multiple times, it was more likely to be rated as true simply due to the effects of repetition. This is because when we’re assessing a claim, we rely on either the credibility of the source from which the claim is derived or familiarity with that claim. Surprisingly, familiarity often trumps credibility or rationality when assessing the perceived validity of a statement (Begg, Anas, and Farinacci, 1992; Geraci, L., & Rajaram, 2016).
The illusory truth effect can cause us to become susceptible to the effects of another dangerous form of reality erosion known as gaslighting. Deliberate manipulators who gaslight with the intention of eroding your reality and rewriting history tend to use the “illusory truth effect” to their advantage. They will repeat falsehoods so often that they become ingrained in the victim’s mind as unshakeable truths." (continues)
Gaslighting allows perpetrators to evade accountability for their actions, to deflect responsibility and exercise their control over their partners with alarming ease.
“Narcissists are like Teflon; nothing sticks. They don’t take responsibility. For anything. They are master deflectors and try to avoid the blame when cheating, stealing and everything in between. They make up complex excuses and can rationalize anything. When they are finally called out, they are quick to claim they are being persecuted, though they may be apologetic for a minute. When someone never takes responsibility for anything – words, actions, feelings – it is a challenging, if not impossible way to maintain a relationship.” Dr. Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go? Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist
Here are some ways in which gaslighting can show up in toxic relationships:
- Denial and dismissal.
- Shaming and Emotional Invalidation.
- Pathologizing the Victim. (continues)
Gaslighting in Conversations
What does gaslighting look like in day to day conversations? It usually involves some form of the following:
Malignant repetition of falsehoods...
Minimizing the impact or severity of the abuse...
Projection and generalization...
Withholding information and stonewalling...
Questioning their memory, emotional stability and/or competence...
Bringing in a third party/the triangulation maneuver...
Diversions from the topic to assassinate the victim’s character or challenge the validity of the relationship... (continues)
A Note About Gaslighting on a Societal Level
Gaslighting can also take place in contexts outside of intimate relationships. It can occur in the workplace, in family units, in schools, in politics, in cults and in society as a whole. Society often gaslights women, for example, by depicting them as “overemotional,” “unhinged” or “crazy” when they dare to be anything less than demure and submissive or when they ‘dare’ to be enraged about the way they’re being treated." (continues)
thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2017/11/50-shades-of-gaslighting-the-disturbing-signs-an-abuser-is-twisting-your-reality/
Sometimes it's tempting to make a bingo card!
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