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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

AIBU to think it's ridiculous to spend money on facial fillers?

62 replies

mirrorballbabe · 13/05/2019 15:59

There are a couple of mums at my school who have clearly had facial fillers. One of them is quite open about it and recommends the doctor to other mums, but a couple don't say anything but i can tell they've had work done. Obviously it's a choice, and they can spend money how they want, but am I being naive to be shocked that they'd be that insecure that they'd make semi-permanent alternations to their face?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 13/05/2019 16:01

Obviously it's a choice, and they can spend money how they want,

I think that’s the important bit.

I choose to get my hair dyed. It’s my money and that’s how I choose to use it. I wouldn’t consider fillers but as long as it’s their choice then it doesn’t make it wrong

Teddybear45 · 13/05/2019 16:06

Do you have the same judgy pants attitude to semi permanent teeth whitening/non-essential dental treatment / hair colouring?

sugarbum · 13/05/2019 16:08

My first Biscuit

Original poster
mirrorballbabe · 13/05/2019 16:11

I think it's different from teeth or hair, it definitely crosses a line. It's paying for fairly expensive injections of a substance to change the look of your face.

OP posts:
CrumbsCrumbsEverywhere · 13/05/2019 16:12

They're not permanent. Most types only last a few months.

Sirzy · 13/05/2019 16:13

It crosses a line for you but that doesn’t make it wrong.

Mankymother · 13/05/2019 16:13

why is it different to teeth or hair - it is only a newer way to change part of your appearance and people have been doing this for 1000s of years

BeUpStanding · 13/05/2019 16:13

This is Feminist Chat. AIBU is that way --->

Aquamarine1029 · 13/05/2019 16:14

Who's line? That's right, yours. You need a hobby.

Loopytiles · 13/05/2019 16:14

Pretty rude to use words like “ridiculous” and “insecure” about other women.

PinkHeartLovesCake · 13/05/2019 16:18

Who says they are insecure? Why is it your business how they spend money?

It crosses a line for YOU fair enough but it’s not your body so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Women like you really are the worst kind

Teddybear45 · 13/05/2019 16:20

It’s no different, OP. You just don’t know enough about cosmetic procedures.

teyem · 13/05/2019 16:30

I suppose you could make an feminist argument that it is increasingly expensive to meet the feminine standard and it is an unfair financial as well as social burden.

nooddsocksforme · 13/05/2019 16:47

What a massive overgeneralisation. Being interested in looking good , and deciding how you personally want to manage that does not automatically mean that you are insecure. Women are a bit more complex than that

StopThePlanet · 13/05/2019 17:31

Like many posters said it's a personal choice. I don't think it means people are insecure, and while I choose a different path to deal with aging I don't find their paths to be ridiculous.

Adding fillers to the face (or elsewhere), face lifts, and liposuction aren't my path.

But, I also don't judge people that choose to go that route - it really isn't my business and I have more important things to focus on. How people look means nothing to me... who/how they are means everything.

I color my hair (pay a professional) and workout (health & aesthetic)... while less invasive than fillers they are still cosmetic applications. I don't claim to have superior knowledge or insight I just do what feels right for me.

OP maybe focus less on what other people are doing cosmetically and focus more on what you can do to enjoy yourself as you age (if you don't already).

MorrisZapp · 13/05/2019 17:33

Why is 'insecure' always the go to insult on here? I have injections and I'm so secure you'd never get tired of slapping me.

StopThePlanet · 13/05/2019 17:41

MorrisZapp

LMAO! That's exactly what my friends say - and it is beautiful! It is beautiful to love yourself and that's all that matters in the scope of this conversation. 😎 I wouldn't slap you I would give you a 'high five'.

DpWm · 13/05/2019 17:41

Being interested in looking good... does not automatically mean that you are insecure

Lol facial fillers really don't look good though.

I know what you mean, I have 2 mum friends that regularly get Botox lips. I personally think it ruins their perfectly nice face.
B
As a feminist I accept it's up to them and don't judge them as people, they obviously see something in it.
I am equally allowed to think it looks really bad.

ScrimshawTheSecond · 13/05/2019 17:42

I had to google what facial fillers are. I found lots of 'before' and 'after' photos with no discernible difference, so I'm still not really any wiser.

DpWm · 13/05/2019 17:42

It is beautiful to love yourself
Ruining your face is the opposite of loving yourself.

ImNotNigel · 13/05/2019 17:46

Gosh Op, you’ve only just joined MN and this is the 5th goady thread you’ve started. And then left after a couple of posts .

This is turning into a bit of a habit for your isnt it ?

learieonthewildmoor · 13/05/2019 17:48

Of course they’re insecure! They’ve looked at their naturally aging faces and decided they can’t possibly get through life happily looking old. But it’s not surprising, just about everything in our media is meant to make women feel insecure. Perhaps think about the societal pressure and push back on that, rather than blame women for doing it.
We are meant to be good for other people to look at. Hair cuts and dye, make up, skin treatments, surgery: we’re meant to invest time and money and worry about this stuff to keep us in our place as ‘the other’ to men. The worst thing we can do is let ourselves go.
Women have to choose how much they comply with societal demands on the basis of how much criticism they can bear for not doing so and how bad they will feel about themselves.
The awful thing is how those demands are increasing: something only actresses etc did is becoming common for women picking up their children from school? Terrible.

Hellmistress · 13/05/2019 17:50

"Crossing a line"? Oh, get over yourself!

LassOfFyvie · 13/05/2019 18:00

I have 2 mum friends that regularly get Botox lips. I personally think it ruins their perfectly nice face

As a feminist I accept it's up to them and don't judge them

The second is rather contradicted by the first.

I don't use fillers. I spend £135 every 5 weeks on getting rid of grey hair. I have no interest whatsoever in what any one else thinks of that.

Women have to choose how much they comply with societal demands on the basis of how much criticism they can bear for not doing so and how bad they will feel about themselves

I doubt society gives 2 hoots about whether I dye my hair, far less dole out criticism. I don't want grey hair. I like being blonde.

Doobigetta · 13/05/2019 18:30

Everyone has their own line. If you do anything beyond washing your hair, teeth and body, using deodorant, and using moisturiser to relieve sore, dry skin, you are going over and above what is strictly “necessary” to be healthy and not offensive to others. And therefore subscribing to stereotyped ideas about femininity. You aren’t a better person if you put conditioner on your hair but think shaving under your arms is a step too far- you’re still spending time and money on things you don’t have to do for the sake of your appearance.

I personally agree with you that every woman who has fillers is betraying the sisterhood by helping to raise the bar of normal a bit higher for everyone. But equally, somebody could (and people do) say the same about removing leg hair, and I’d fight very, very hard to hang on to my razor. So what we all need to do is refuse to get drawn into stupid games where we judge each other over things that don’t matter, and try and shame everyone else into making exactly the same choices as us. That would be a step for for feminism.