First period advice

[Motheroffeminists]

Hi, I wasn't sure where to put this but know I'll get good advice on here.
My daughter is 12 and just started her first period. She's been prepared for years but is a bit tearful about it and freaking out about school tomorrow. She's in year 7. I've had previous threads about the unisex toilets at her school so dealing with her first period in shared toilets won't be fun. She understandably doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. She isn't precious about anything but this has thrown her.
She's also due at her dad's for contact tomorrow and has a swimming lesson. She doesn't want to go to his because she's embarrassed and doesn't want him to know. He's not a very nice man and we have a court order for contact so he would kick off if she didn't go.
How can I handle this for the best?

Just coming on again to say cheeky wipes have pads and period pants and their 25% offer ends tomorrow I think! They might not be right for her but though I'd mention x

Oh OP I'm sorry for such a tricky situation, I think I'd keep my daughter off in this situation too. If she hates contact, at what age can kids just say 'no'? It seems beyond cruel to make them go if they don't want to.

As far as the school toilets go, i thought single sex was a legal requirement above age 8 in schools? In your shoes I'd be tempted to splash out on a solicitors letter explaining this. I would also be tempted to keep my DD home during her period until they provided adequate toilet facilities in line with the law, but I'm in a position to home school if it came to it so I understand not everyone can do that. At the very least, I do think schools need to know when their mixed sex policies are causing such distress in their female students.

If DD herself doesn’t want contact with her father, would it be worth you seeing a solicitor for some proper legal advice about when she is entitled to refuse contact?
And if he’s been abusive (kicking the door etc), could you insist that any contact has to be supervised?

I've been down that road a few times @Babdoc and the court have insisted she have contact. This is a girl who a few years back was carried out of the house by him kicking and screaming so that the neighbours came out to see if we were ok. DD slapped him across the face and kicked him in the balls but he still forced her into the car and banged her head in the process. Ss and the courts and carcass believe the issue is between me and him 🙄 They are crap when it comes to DV. She's counting the days until she no longer has to go. He says it's me that doesn't want her to see him and that i put her up to all this stuff.
She's gone to school today and is adjusting well now bless her. I've had a word with the school nurse in case she turns up there feeling unwell.

Unisex toilets - another degenerate idea from sick perverts. Just say she is not going, end of discussion.

@VickyEadie thank you, I'll PM you later. Yesterday it was 20 degrees and she barely drank all day and wouldn't use the toilets because the boys had again been going over to the girls' side and using their loos. I've alerted the HT but need to follow this is and cite legislation and copy in the education department.

I thought contact was supposed to be for the benefit of the child

School have offered her a pass to use the accessible toilets and have denied that boy's are using the girls' cubicles.

Tempted to say "sounds like deliberately not believing women and girls who are saying their expectations of private space are being ignored ". But ...How does your dd feel about this suggested solution, op?

I think it's a cop out and making my dd the issue rather than the issue being the failure of the school to provide appropriate facilities and abide by sex segregation legislation. It's drawing attention to dd and making her feel awkward.

Did you contact the school nurse? Or her GP about her not drinking?