Pink nail varnish for boys

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I've just had a very weird encounter with my DH, our DS is nearly 3 and is into anything and always loves to copy his older sister. His sister wanted her nails painted and he then wanted his done as always. DH never has a problem with this usually, but he said 'no'.

I obviously told him not to be ridiculous but he went onto explain that he doesn't want to encourage that behaviour as someone will want to chop his cock off as he'll be seen as trans. I wanted to tell him that was ludicrous but it did make me think twice. That's not good is it? That I'm encouraging gender stereotyping when I have been discouraging it all my life.

I feel disappointed in myself for even giving it a thought. Obviously I allow my kids to express themselves how they wish and will always love them no matter what but I am sad that it crossed my mind to stop him doing that.

That I'm encouraging gender stereotyping when I have been discouraging it all my life.

Isn't it only stereotyping for a girl to wear nail polish?

Wouldn't your son be smashing the stereotype?

You have my sympathy - it's really hard to unpack all this shite isn't it!

Another point comes to mind.

Is nail painting along with makeup, perfume etc, something which some women do to attract males? Sexually alluring?

And maybe inappropriate for children of either sex?

Not trying to be a killjoy here but genuinely wondering what others here feel about children copying adult behaviour in this way..

My DH has really wound me up by repeatedly criticising our DDs for stuff like:

1. Not using make up much
2. Not shaving

DD1 then went off and attempted to shave and cut her legs to shreds. I was incandescent with rage. The poor thing.

A mutual friend ear bashed him about it all and he's shut up a bit.

I wouldn't mind but he only sticks to stereotypes when it suits him. 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

@HorsewithnoAppetiteForThis

Nail painting is more body decorating rarther than trying to look appealing to thr opposite sex.

I don't think men think sparkly Elsa nails are particularly sexy.

I agree with young girls not wearing face make up though.

This is when all the stereotypes get highlighted. It's really hard!

I rarely paint my nails but I did once when ds was around 3 and he asked to. However he chose from the huge range of colours I had (I have a lot despite never wearing it!) and chose green, blue and yellow (I'd had for a Brazil linked theme.) I didn't then have any pink either as I prefer grey or silver.

It did make me query though if I'd be so happy for a girl to have her nails painted. Because of 'performing' femininity etc. Then I decided it's just nails. He has never asked again over the age of 5 but did once colour them all in with black felt pen.

I think if it's ok for a daughter it has to be ok for a son. And vice versa. So we have to ask what are our daughters wearing?

I'd point out to him that definitely a common theme among children who become 'gender confused' and then confused about their sex is absolutely stopping them from doing something like this. Would he stop his daughter playing football?

Nail painting is more body decorating rarther than trying to look appealing to thr opposite sex.

Well I am definitely no expert but isn't it the case that porn women have stupidly long and painted nails?

Happy to be corrected on this.

I think a good rule for life is - if they do it in porn it's a bit lame.

Don't get me started on the eyelashes implants or whatever the fuck it's called.

The trans agenda is making people really wary. It’s actually discouraging parents from allowing their children to mess around and experiment because of fear they will be labelled as trans and all that comes with it.

I shouldn’t say this because of trolling, but one of my girls announced to us this week that she wanted to be a boy because “they are stronger and not scared of spiders”.

She was disabused of that PDQ. On the other my DS was dressing up in outgrown ballet gear & pretending to be a girl, encouraged by his older sisters. DD15 was then having a panic that they shouldn’t give him ideas.

It’s fine, I said. They are playing. I have 4 girls and a boy and it’s going to happen. But even writing this feels a bit dangerous because no doubt trolls will try and claim that 2 of my children are trans.

No, it’s just that kids like to experiment as part of working out their identity. But now what is normal childhood play is having a label slapped on & being medicalised. My eldest spent almost a year pretending she was a dog!

All kids like their nails painted btw. It’s fine!

Would it be fucking brilliant if things evolved to the point that in the future the only people that perform femininity were men.

Because, you know, excessively feminine women were sick and tired of being mistaken for trans women.

Bring it on.

Lots of kids of both sexes like their nails painted. It's just fun. No need to overthink it.

OP, I do sympathise with your DH. If I had young children now I'd be worried that some woke teacher would declare them trans as I definitely discouraged gender-conformism (known more accurately as sex-stereotyping in my day).

If I were you though I'd paint my DS's nails if that's what he wanted. As a PP said, would your DH object if your DD played football?

On the other hand (!) I don't like nail varnish on very young girls

Would it be fucking brilliant if things evolved to the point that in the future the only people that perform femininity were men

Because, you know, excessively feminine women were sick and tired of being mistaken for trans women

I doubt I'll ever be mistaken for a trans woman.

Right I get it. You don't approve of anything feminine. And yes you are a killjoy. The leap to toddlers painting nails (which as Caro says all kids like) to long pornified nails was mind boggling.

Is nail painting along with makeup, perfume etc, something which some women do to attract males? Sexually alluring?

ou can't see makeup on yourself. It's for you to be seen. But little kids do like looking at the pretty colours on their nails thenselves. Same with plasters, stickers and fake tattoos. Just my opont. Ive never put "adult " colours on my kids. Just fun bright colours. Orange, purple blue green. I appreciate it's all thr same and only cultural bullshit attached. But I feel like it avoids any weird connotations

Opont is auto correct for opinion.

Well who would do that though? So you not tryst their teachers or something?

It's off the point, but in my experience men really dislike long painted nails.

So how does the trans narrative work here in your DH’s head?

1. DS wears nail varnish = wants to be a girl = trans, or
2. DS would like to wear nail varnish, is told no as it’s not for boys. But because he would like to wear nail varnish that must mean he’s a girl = trans?

You can spin it however you like. How about small children like colourful stuff and copying older siblings and parents with no thought whatsoever about what gender that might make them?

The leap to toddlers painting nails (which as Caro says all kids like) to long pornified nails was mind boggling.

I'm sorry.

I am a little (over) sensitive to what some people call the sexualisation of children.

Apologies if I went too far.

Yes you did go too far, but thank you for acknowledging it.

It wasn't just that point; just because you don't like anything feminine does not mean no- one else should. You come across as dictatorial and to be honest a bit closed-mind. For example I use perfume every day even if I won't be leaving the house. I like the smell of it on me. It pleases me- it isn't to lure random, passing men.

HorsewithnoFrills

I doubt anyone else on here thought you went too far. There's a bully on here who's best not to bother with

It's mind boggling that there's this level of thought over a tiny childhood moment. It's just play. That's what I'd be saying to the DH, over and over. It means nothing, nail polish is brightly coloured and of interest to children just like face painting or dressing up. Pink is just a colour amongst many. No need to attach any significance to it.

I agree, it is not significant and DH usually wouldn't say anything about it and helps him into princess dresses. It's the fact that this is worrying him and made me stop when he said it, that it made me sad.

I want my kids to enjoy life in whatever way they want, but I feel like we are regressing and forcing stereotypes either to affirm the trans agenda or to stop our kids being mistaken for a trans kid and brainwashed.

The only way to get away from all of that is to make it a total non event, of little interest.

I've had this my youngest ds is 3 and if his older sisters want nail varnish or make up on he does too. I've been asked if I think it makes him trans or gay by a friend I just stated no it makes him a boy who lies to copy his siblings regardless of sex. He loves cars and diggers. I've also explained we don't have boys things or girls things here it's either baby toddler kid teen etc.
Children like to copy examples of things they see that's how they learn.

The only way to get away from all of that is to make it a total non event, of little interest.

This. My DC: “Look mummy DS4 wants to be a girl and his name is Joan.”

Me: oh that’s nice. Can you make sure that when you’ve finished with the dressing up stuff you don’t leave it lying all over the landing!