"Yes it really seems that way. The message to women actually is: don’t refuse. This is horrendous alright"
This is interesting -
There was a recent thing about "bad sex" where a woman wrote a story and loads of women said Oh I've had bad sex too! But the stories they told were of abuse or rape.
In a culture where we deep down know that
If we "go along with it" we are less likely to get hurt and it will be over quicker
And that approach I think is a psychological protection thing as well "I consented, it was all fine" is easier than facing up to attack / abuse / coercion etc
And we also all see news stories and hear things all the time about men getting off light / really dodgy defences / women and girls getting short shrift from the police etc
That many women and girls rationalise / minimise / etc many of these situations.
This then means if we do decide to report later we don't have a leg to stand on
And importantly it sets a situation where loads of men coerce / assault women and girls, and the women and girls react as if they haven't done what they did, and they dont' report them and so they carry on with impunity and tell themselves what they are doing is fine.
This is an absolutely toxic setup where women and girls ( and I'm sure it happens with men and boys too) are groomed almost, everything is set up to let men get away with it, even in their own minds.
Writing that was a bit depressing. We need massive change.
But society isn't interested - in theory there's hand wringing but as soon as it's actual cases it's all oh poor fella - and often even child abuse is shrugged away esp if the victims are girls over the age of about 11.
Really, society only wants the incredibly violent serial offenders prosecuted. The rest are excused away.