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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

A really interesting article for anyone experiencing narcisstic behaviour in their lives

118 replies

pombear · 03/04/2019 22:01

For anyone experiencing narcisstic behaviour in their lives, particularly women, this is a really interesting article.

donawheeler.wordpress.com/2015/09/17/ignoring-the-narcissist-how-to-spot-the-monkey-dance/

To enable this thread to remain, let's not speak of this again. But you may want to risk reading the link whilst it's still here. Grin

OP posts:
FermatsTheorem · 03/04/2019 22:16

Cheers Eve. I'll check them out!

StephsCaddy · 03/04/2019 22:17

This has been extremely informative. Thanks for posting pombear.

FloralBunting · 03/04/2019 22:18

Excellent resource.❤

DpWm · 03/04/2019 22:19

NotTerf I don't think we can talk about it.

MsTiggywinkletoyou · 03/04/2019 22:20

Is there a way to cross-post this to the relationships board?

NotTerfNorCis · 03/04/2019 22:20

Rightio. Keeping shtum. Grin

LangCleg · 03/04/2019 22:21

Brilliant article and everyone should read it. Particularly sage advice about freezing out.

Thank you for posting it, darling!

PencilsInSpace · 03/04/2019 22:24

Excellent article OP, thank you.

I listened to this earlier - - it's absolutely terrifying what abusive men do to women online and how the abuse spills over into real life.

pombear · 03/04/2019 22:26

Ewe the Grey Rock is something I've passed on to several lovely friends who were in need of techniques - and their feedback has been overwhelmingly that Grey Rock works very well in reducing mental stress.

Anyone who wants to cross-reference to relationships, feel free. I've learnt a lot from there too (including Grey Rock). This website is a huge resource for women dealing with shit from many angles.

OP posts:
Carowiththegoodhair · 03/04/2019 22:28

This might also be helpful for anyone who experiences this type of behaviour online. selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/2014/08/20/a-culture-of-narcissism-part-ii-cyberbullying-and-trolling/

greenberet · 03/04/2019 22:31

Thanks for the links - especially the blogs - sums up my experience after a 20 year marriage and extremely acrimonious divorce that finalised two years ago - but am still dealing with the fallout of X manipulating much of the process.

In his industry he is highly respected and I am definitely portrayed as the crazy x wife - somehow my depression translates to a personality disorder in the mind of OW!

These links should be shared in relationships

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 03/04/2019 22:33

This is all very interesting and useful, and should probably be shared across the talk boards.

stephLDS18 · 03/04/2019 22:34

@MNHQ a thread discussing this was just pulled; however, this thread (essentially discussing the same thing) has now appeared. Seems to me once again that this thread is being used to abuse and harass members of MN. Please review, thanks.

KataraJean · 03/04/2019 22:34

The thing about coercive control is that it can be very, very subtle. So you can read the list posted by EweSurname and think you would notice these things.

But it is a creep effect,
So controlling who you can see or where you can go - it would be either he would always want to come with me or he would go in a sulk and refuse to look after the DC so I could go. Neither actually saying ‘I am not letting you go’, but that was the effect.
He did not control my finances as I earned my own money, but I paid for everything for DC and all the bills and so on, and he had particular likes and dislikes of how the food should be (which I had to get right) and so on - which was not controlling my finances in that I was not allowed access to money, but in practice, he made sure his money remained in his bank account and mine was spent...
controlling what I wore - again, not obvious but the put downs and teasing and comments and how he liked things ends up with the same result as if he had said you must wear this...

I could go on with every single example, but my point is the list looks like any reasonable person would realise they were being controlled but it is so insidious and works by pushing a small boundary at a time, till you realise you no longer know which way is up. For every single point on that list.

Horrible.

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/04/2019 22:35

greenberet Thanks

stephLDS18 · 03/04/2019 22:35

CF is back on Twitter using their feed to publish defamatory and abusive tweets targeting women and medical professionals. This, in my honest opinion, is a classic example of narcissistic behaviour.

ZuttZeVootEeeVro · 03/04/2019 22:38

Grey rock? I'll look that up

BadPennyNoBiscuit · 03/04/2019 22:38

KataraJean That sounds very similar to my experience with the finances, I woke up when I realised that he would engineer a row and it would always be on of my more prized possessions that he damaged in temper.

It felt like he was trying to control my finances by forcing me to replace items he thought I couldn't live without, since he couldn't make me quit work.

AbsintheFriends · 03/04/2019 22:38

Chilling, KataraJean Thanks for sharing your experience. I feel like I've had my eyes opened to this over these last couple of days.

GassyAss · 03/04/2019 22:38

I find the post by @melrose very useful, thank you. I’ve recently cut an old friend out of my life due to narcissistic behaviour that is clearly outlined in that article. It makes me realise I did the right thing.

BadPennyNoBiscuit · 03/04/2019 22:39

Grey Rock;
www.aconsciousrethink.com/6158/gray-rock-method-dealing-narcissist/

EweSurname · 03/04/2019 22:39

greenberet Have you read any of chump lady's stuff? I found it really useful and just knowing that there were patterns of behaviour that you could recognise and then predict was hugely helpful.

Flowers that you're still dealing with it.

This is the sort of thing she writes about:

www.chumplady.com/2018/10/respond-to-mindfuckery-with-ridicule/

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 03/04/2019 22:39

katara Flowers

Melroses · 03/04/2019 22:40

Grey rock? I'll look that up

There is more about it here:
flyingmonkeysdenied.com/2016/05/03/how-to-go-gray-rock-from-a-moral-and-spiritual-perspective/

There is quite a bit about it in Relationships

KatvonHostileExtremist · 03/04/2019 22:41

katara Flowers