Update: identifying as non-binary for work award

[Somerville1234]

Can't find the old thread... but anyway, there's an award/opportunity at work, only for people who are LGBT+++. I don't remember all the categories but they included genderqueer, genderfluid and genderfree. Also K, which I'm reliably informed stands for kink lifestyle. I don't understand why someone would need a special thing at work for getting off on weeing and whips (?? I don't watch porn, I don't have a clue), but maybe I'm just old fashioned. Anyway, old fashioned or not, I'm gender free because I don't believe in gender. And I wanted the professional opportunity. (Forgive me for the vagueness - being careful because of doxxing.) And you lot were encouraging...

I ended up applying - which didn't involve saying how I met the criteria, just ticking that I did. And then I was perpexedly approached by my woke boss.
(WB "Erm... so you realise that this is for LGBT+++ employees, Somer?"
S "Yes."
WB "Erm...it was my understanding you're a straight woman...?"
S "I'm genderfree and-"
WB: "Really?"
S "Yes, and I think I need to remind you that the staff handbook recommends that no-one should assume anybody elses's gender."
WB: "Oh, terribly sorry about that.")

I then had a lovely meeting with HR where they were very keen to update my pronouns on the system. I told them that being gender free I require the box beside gender to be left empty, but that I can accept female pronouns because that's my biological sex. They were happy with this novel idea and to learn more about the difference between sex and gender. They young HR person didn't know they're not synonyms but he learns something new every day apparently.

And now... I've heard I'm shortlisted for the next round!
It's been announced to the whole company, and I've had a few bemused looks but no direct transphobia, I'm happy to report.
My longsuffering DH (works in same field) has been teased a bit for my gender identity but he's happy to suffer for the sake of my fight for equality.

I suggest that is anyone sees this in public they should dial 999 and demand police and ambulance (to check for injuries) at once. This is what I will do if I ever see this in public.

For someone wearing a dog collar?
That's ridiculous.

I remember when I was a goth loads of people wore dog collars and leads. It was just the fashion.

If she was on all fours and he was leading her round maybe, but calling the police for someone wearing a collar and a leash is only going to lead to more people claiming that 'kinksters' are the most oppressed people ever who can't even wear the clothes they like.

Somerville every time I've read any of your posts - all the way back to the ones where you met your DH, I'm constantly impressed by you and your strengths.

This post has just sealed the deal for me.

Somerville for Gender Neutral PM!

Can someone post a link to the original thread?

The woke cannot have it both ways. You cannot insist that self identification is all and the umbrella is very wide but then get upset that people legitimately self identify in ways that give outcomes they consider unwoke.

And tbh I find it quite offensive when I have to answer how I “identify”. I am a woman, my genes irrevocably say so. But I don’t “identify” with the gender stereotypes applied to women which I consider regressive and dislike the idea of being pushed to say I do.

And yuk to including kink in a work context. I can see the ceremony now.

“Our finalists are:

1. Sam, the first gay man to be promoted to head a department
2. Pearl who has made great strides in raising awareness of transgender issues here
3. Nita, bisexual and widely recognised as a rising star in the world of financial reporting
4. Somerville who is genderfree who led a large cross organisation team to great success on Project X, and
5. Bob who likes to spend his weekends wearing a leather puppy outfit and being taken outside to shit by his handler, who led the upgrade of the new printer system”

OP you are both stunning and brave. In fact, stunningly brave and bravely stunning; genderfree rights are human rights 😀

I’m so excited to discover I’m trans. I can already feel the special flowing through my veins. Thank you so much Somerville, for opening my eyes to my true self. Overnight you’ve managed to trans the whole feminist movement and that means we’re no longer trans.

If you don’t win, you’ll have to complain that they are all trans that didn’t believe your true identity. 🏆

And yuk to including kink in a work context. I can see the ceremony now.
“Our finalists are:
1. Sam, the first gay man to be promoted to head a department
2. Pearl who has made great strides in raising awareness of transgender issues here
3. Nita, bisexual and widely recognised as a rising star in the world of financial reporting
4. Somerville who is genderfree who led a large cross organisation team to great success on Project X, and
5. Bob who likes to spend his weekends wearing a leather puppy outfit and being taken outside to shit by his handler, who led the upgrade of the new printer system”

Hooray! Well done OP! I almost wish I worked in a big company and could follow suit!

I can't believe employers are seriously including kink as a diversity characteristic to be observed and considered in the workplace.

Bonkers.

We really do need to play them at their own game.

Long standing definitions of words are apparently fair game to be manipulated, we need to use this to our advantage. We need to stop being nice.

I am soo stealing “checkwoke” 😂😂

Well done Somerville, stunning, brave and all things sparkly.

fist bump

I immensely admire your courage to bring your real, authentic, genderfree self to work.

Hilarious! I’m imagining your boss as the Ricky Gervais boss in The Office...

running

Or Michael from the American office

Im not sure which one would be best now ive said that

I would have loved to see HR person's face as you explained...

I was a bit scared of coming back when I saw how many posts were on this thread - thought I might be getting a kicking. Thanks for being supportive. (Only 2 angry posters and the one telling me off for being offensive about K was surely in jest? Surely?!) The person saying I could take this away from a lesbian - that was my biggest concern but my friends within the company who are L/B didn't want to apply because they were angry at the inclusion of some of the other categories, especially K, and/or not inclined to expose their sexuality at work.

Nice seeing various names of old pals on here I haven't been on MN lately but felt the nerves begin when my name was announced to company and realised what I needed was my fellow gender-free females for the moments when I'm feeling weak. The actual conversations and meetings are fine - aside from when I'm seized by the temptation to laugh. It's the gossip in between. Especially poor DH getting digs about various aspect of this. It's clear to me at this point that making a point of one's gender identity attracts a lot of attention. If one doesn't enjoy the attention it is very draining. I imagine that people who relish it gain constant affirmation from it all...

Oh it’s all about the attention. Have a read of this article - wants to pass as a woman but also want everyone to know “she” is trans: www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/transgender-visibility-has-become-my-paradox-i-want-be-seen-ncna989236

Is there a tipping hat emoji?

binarystar

I’m quite proud of checkwoke, came to me this morning and I’ve been wandering around saying “checkwoke, suckers” under my breath all morning

Good luck, somerville, I can imagine it feels a bit weird, but I think you’re doing something important.

Legendary OP! I remember the original post. This has had me chuckling away.

Love to find out how you get on. Please come back and show us your sparkly rainbow unicorn award. I wish I was special enough to get an award - but just a humble woman, though I too feel a 'genderless' identity coming on now!

I am in awe! Good luck!

Somerville don't underestimate how inspirational actions like this can be for the rest of us keeping our heads below the parapet at work.

My job for the past year has included gathering data for Public Health England and inputting it on the database. Every time I click on the word "Gender" - male/female/unknown I grind my teeth as of course only biological sex has any relevance to the surveys I am involved with. And there are significant sex based differences eg rates of osteoporosis.

So I have just drafted an email pointing out that sex/gender are not interchangeable words but have specific meanings and only biological sex can be of relevance for purposes of this particular monitoring. I have asked that they correct the wording appropriately.

This thread will be long forgotten by the time I hear back let alone see any change I am sure but it's one small action I can do.

Thanks.

Somereville I think this one is your original thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3389169-I-m-thinking-of-applying-for-an-opportunity-on-the-basis-of-being-non-binary

Grrr - extra 'e' in your name - sorry

This is brilliant - thank you!

I filled in a survey along similar lines this morning, in fact. Lots of free text fields where I repeatedly explained I did not identify with any gender