Twice I have 'put a man in hospital' by standing up to him

[bechdel]

The thread on Anthony Watson try to put the Economist finance editor in her place has made me think about this.

The first time I 'put a man in hospital' (as the narrative goes, when I get blamed for it latterly) was a man in his early 60s who was responsible for me being abused as a child.

He told me to back down and shut up about it. I told him I wouldn't. He promptly had a stroke.

Second time was a man (also in his 60s) who was bullying me at work over a protected characteristic. I let the evidence mount up then got legal representation and told him I was suing him.

He ended up in hospital that night.

My fault. All my fault apparently, for opening my uppity mouth instead of caving under the narcissistic rage created by not doing as I'm told.

I'm sad for both of them that they got ill. But I refuse to accept either of these incidents as my fault. Which is forever how they will see them.

I don't know what I'm hoping for from this thread. I just wanted to get it out of me and onto somewhere else.

You did the right thing on both occasions, OP. Don't doubt it. If frivolity were the current mood, I could suggest you are like the rest of us here and have the ability to curdle milk & stop the hens from laying.

Oh yes AncientLights, I'm totally a witch

I admire your bravery to stand up to despicable creatures. Easier fo them to place blame elsewhere than examine their own conscience. for what you have been through.

They were responsible for the choices they made to mistreat you.

You were responsible for the choice you made to stand up to them.

You would not have had that choice forced upon you had they not taken responsibility for their choices in the first place.

Who is saying their poor health is your fault?

First one, my own mother.

Second one, management board at work.

If both men had behaved properly in the first place they would have avoided this altogether. It's totally their fault Bechdel.

Unless you beat them up you are not responsible for their health.

If someone is liable to find being held responsible for something they've done to another person so stressful they land up in hospital, maybe they shouldn't indulge in that behaviour in the first place.

OP.

Your mother and management board at work sound totally unhinged.

Some people say eating pineapple brings in labour. If you're due to give birth eating cherries/sawdust could bring on labour.

Men in their 60s end up in hospital when they're stressed. They brought the stress on themselves.

What I think you're looking for from posting, is being told you didn't cause their hospitalisation. Which you didn't.

Good for you OP!

you didn't put either of these men in hospital

The stress of being found out/held accountable for their behaviour made them ill. Not your fault.

Well done for not backing down and “being nice/kind”.

Get good legal representation for dealing with your management board. Don't let them blame you and let him off the hook!

Do you think you could help me out with a couple of people OP? They more than deserve it . You have held some abusive people to account. Good for you!

What is a 'protected characteristic'? (Apologies for my ignorance)

Oh, and I wish I had been brave enough to stand up to certain people at certain times in my life!
Now I no longer have to worry about losing my job because I no longer need the salary, I'm more assertive at work! And guess what, when I am, no one tries to sack me 😱

soontobe60 disability, race, sexuality, gender, religion - in context, unequal treatment, bullying because of this, etc & good on you op - if someone has a health problem - coincidentally op! because they don't get their own way or because they have - at long last - have had to take responsibility for their actions - tough cheddar. Otherwise we would have to submit to any treatment no matter how dire, criminal or unequal because we might - might - bring on something that would have happened anyway.

(gets off soap box & picks up broom & black pointy cap with black cat under one arm....)

Your mother and management board are twunts.

Shame it wasnt prison you put them in.

You have a very valuable skill, there! You could hire yourself out and earn a fortune.

Maybe remind your mother that a lot of people who have been abused as children end up commiting suicide because of it. Then go NC on the bitch.

FYI the protected characteristic is sex not gender.

The confusion over this is a big part of the problems we're seeing now.