Ftm detransitioner - ask me anything

[Dyl101]

Hello. The recent clash of feminists v the radical trans lobby has been shocking and troubling. As someone who once identified as a trans man, spent years in therapy, changed my whole identity and appearance, I once would have been 100% behind self ID and the changes to the GDPR. However, I have since renounced much of my previous opinions and have gone so far the other way I am often described as a "terf" online. This is for simply holding rational views that being a woman is not a feeling but a biological reality for most and must be protected as a sex class.

Also as a detransitioner, I found some of the rhetoric I found myself believing very sexist and contrary to anything I had previously thought, that gender was a social construct. In addition, the stuff online (youtube/forums) makes transition seem like a wonderful, freeing way to truly be yourself, and I worry about what impact this narrative will have on impressionable young people.

Anyway, feel free to ask me anything.

Did you take hormones and what is the effect of them on your body?

Ps you are very brave to start this thread so thank you I hope you are ok

Do you think you experienced male privilege when you were presenting as a man?

What made you want to transition in the first place and what changed so you wanted to transition back?

I realise these might be simple questions with multifaceted answers.

I'm sorry you've had to go through all that. How do you feel the therapy you have had has affected your decisions along the way and have you found it supportive?

As a woman we're you a lesbian?

When I see trans men I always think what a waste of a lovely butch lesbian.

Were you diagnosed with gender dysphoria and did transition alleviate your distress? Sorry if this is too personal but do you describe yourself as heterosexual, bi or lesbian now?
Thank you for offering to answer questions.

I have no questions but
Thank you for joining us here.

GerryblewuptheER Thank you for your comments. Only for a very short time thankfully so just had a slight lowering of my voice and acne. I stopped before I had any really damaging effect. But before this point I had been socially transitioning for over a year.

I stopped in part because I was obsessive about researching experiences and what the side effects of what these hormones would be. Often youtube shows girls becoming really handsome, muscular men and it all looks very inspiring. But being someone who is very practical I wanted to know all the repercussions and while I was prepared for male pattern baldness, losing my high singing voice, being infertile forever, some health risks etc in the future the final straw came for me when I discovered that generally speaking hysterectomy would be required after a few years, due to cancer risk. I knew from the little bit of health knowledge that I had that this would affect sexual feeling, many women report this after hysterectomy, and this was something I simply couldn't give up, especially at such a young age. I imagine it is never even thought about by young girls thinking about making these huge decisions.

DryHeave No because I never "passed" well enough (I have a very feminine face) but I know other trans men most definitely did.

OP doing this.

What advice would you give to parents who feel they are 'losing' their children to transgenderism?

How can I (or anybody) support young F2M’s without alienating them or coming across as ‘transphobic’? What can be done to support them that isn’t affirmation or medical or encouraging binding that I view as self harm.

I know several young f2m’s that I feel desperately sad for that I would like to help and/or encourage my children to help but it just don’t know what would be well received as I don’t want to engage in their delusion as I disagree with the ideology and ultimately I don’t think it will help them.

What would’ve helped you?

OP you are a warrior
Can you give your age bracket - not too revealing of course, but a rough guide? And on the back of your answer, would you say that the internet and social media has played a big part in influencing your choices to transition?

Hope you're doing well.

Do you have trans friends and how have they reacted to your decision?

Thanks for being open about this OP. It’s so important

Do you also mind if I ask, did you receive abuse and threats from those on the online forums when you decided to detransition ?

From what I've read they literally turn their backs and throw you out having been previously supportive and wondered if that were true?

When I see trans men I always think what a waste of a lovely butch lesbian.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Can I ask was your choice to trans influenced or shaped by social media? What help have you been given to detransition? How has the trans community responded to this? And lastly my sister is about to have her first appointment at a gender clinic. We're not on speaking terms. What advice would you give to friends and family

Ribosomes Honestly, It is very complicated, but partly I think it was mental health issues, I have complex PTSD from an abusive childhood. I think being unhappy I was looking for a way to find an identity that made sense, and watching the youtube videos of all these people who were really sad and then transitioned and became these good looking men made me think it was a way I could change my life.

Partly I think I was unhappy with my "gender" and still am. I have days where the "gender dysphoria" does come back and I think I would be happier as a man. However, I believe many woman are unhappy with their "gender" because being a women sucks in many ways and the social construct of female are by and large weak, negative traits. I have always been masculine, and more comfortable in mens clothes etc, but I came to realise that doesn't make me a man, it makes is a masculine women, because gender isn't real, it is a construct, and I couldn't reconcile how I could believe that, yet think I had the mind of a man, it had no logic.

I also must say I was sucked in by much of the rhetoric online. If you search for gender dysphoria on forums you will be told if you are questioning these things in means you are probably trans, as "cis people" don't have these thoughts. I now don't believe that at all, I think gender is so restrictive, I imagine many people at one time or another have questioned or been unhappy about it.

I have to say as well, gender dysphoria is very distressing at the time, and becomes all consuming, and I guess for some people, transition is the only choice, but I don't think for all this is the case, many, like me did it for the wrong reasons

Knicknackpaddyflak Yes, therapy was very helpful. It took a years of therapy for me to come out the other side. Weirdly enough though, my therapist wasn't massively confirming. She did call me by the name and pronouns I wanted etc, but tended to focus on other areas, such as my childhood etc. At the time I found it frustrating as I through she wasn't fully acknowledging my identity as a man, but I'm grateful to her now.

WorldBookDays I am a bisexual woman. But to be honest, I am probably more of a lesbian these days, it is something I am still dealing with.

thanks for this OP
I notice there was another thread in active discussions (I haven't looked at it yet) about losing a religious faith- and something you said really reminded me of the path I took away from religion, which was basically just thinking and thinking and concluding it didn't make any sense to me.
Not wishing to be disrespectful to relgious people at all, I realise many deeply religious people also think carefully about their faith, but I wasn't around people like that then.

OP, no questions from me but I want to say you are very brave to speak out against the trans narrative and I wish you a very happy and peaceful life.

Thank you for coming on here.
I'm another one who wants to know how we can best support young women going through this - especially those who hit this as a response to adolescence (rather than those children who have expressed feelings from an early age)? How do you think we can we support them as they work their way through their feelings while helping to protect them from making life long decisions that will negatively impact on their health and sexual lives in the future?

Great thread OP. Thank you for your responses and being able to open up.

It sounds as though you went through a very difficult time and I'm glad your rational, logical side won over the emotional 'sucks to be a woman' side.

You sound so intelligent and reasonable, just like many MTFs on Twitter (Debbie Kristina Miranda etc) who have accepted their biological reality and seem much happier in themselves than the snarling TWAW brigade.

Thanks for this thread.

Have you been on a recent television programme?

There was somebody going through the same as you on there. It was a fascinating programme and good to hear the different insights of people at various stages of transitioning or detransitioning.

What were the obstacles you faced in your transition and what were the obstacles you faced in your detransition?