Ftm detransitioner - ask me anything

[Dyl101]

Hello. The recent clash of feminists v the radical trans lobby has been shocking and troubling. As someone who once identified as a trans man, spent years in therapy, changed my whole identity and appearance, I once would have been 100% behind self ID and the changes to the GDPR. However, I have since renounced much of my previous opinions and have gone so far the other way I am often described as a "terf" online. This is for simply holding rational views that being a woman is not a feeling but a biological reality for most and must be protected as a sex class.

Also as a detransitioner, I found some of the rhetoric I found myself believing very sexist and contrary to anything I had previously thought, that gender was a social construct. In addition, the stuff online (youtube/forums) makes transition seem like a wonderful, freeing way to truly be yourself, and I worry about what impact this narrative will have on impressionable young people.

Anyway, feel free to ask me anything.

NeurotrashWarrior I don’t have a positive view of mermaids. But having never looked for official support I’m afraid I don’t know, but I checked Facebook recently and found a tiny number of groups, with around 10 members each, so I don’t think there is much out there. For me personally I just wanted to stop thinking about trans issues and gender completely and so I don’t know if I would have found it helpful at the time or not. It is a lonely place so maybe.

SignMeUp – I did join trans groups yes, but didn’t experience anything like that. They were neither positive or negative really, not as welcoming as you may expect, but friendly enough. Incredibly left wing in all aspects. With regards to the penis issue, it wasn’t anything I ever thought about at the time, but I can say with certainty that at the time I completely believed in self ID. I didn’t think about safely issues for women at all. I thought biological sex didn’t matter, anyone should be free to identify however they wanted and there was no real differences between the biological sexes of male and female. This really doesn’t make much sense as I wanted to transition to male. I also believed strongly in non-binary, which is something else I don’t really agree with anymore.

Dyl101 Thank you for taking the time to answer my question, and all the other questions you’ve patiently and honestly answered on this thread.I hope you manage to find self acceptance and create a happy life for yourself.

DodoPatrol - I don’t really know, but, the vast majority of detransitioners I see on youtube were previously f2m. It’s rare to come across a tran women so it does seem to be the case that it is more common. I do see videos of girls age around 15 saying they are trans and then transitioning straight away, mainly American videos. This is troubling. I didn’t really know what was doing at 15, so to make such a huge decision so quickly seems unwise. I don’t think it is like that in the UK (hopefully)

Thank you Dyl101 that's a good point I hadn't thought of. Thank you again

InionEile - When I look back I do have to be honest with myself and say some of my thinking was misogynistic. It had to be, to believe that women and men have different minds, and because I think a certain way that makes me male. And while the physical side of dysphoria is hard, and I guess why many people have to change their bodies with surgery etc, I have seen a growing narrative on trans sites which state you don’t even need to experience any physical dysphoria about your body to be trans, or even want any surgery or hormones at all, but really, what does that leave, other than gender stereotypes.

Hi op.

I'm not sure if you've seen my thread regarding my 14yo dd.

The tldr is that my dds school have been pushing transitioning on her and told her a pack of lies regarding it. She's currently having a hard time figuring out how she feels about herself etc, as most kids her age do but school seems to have pounced on this and have actually reported me to social services because I have refused to take her to the doctors to start the process.

Do you have any advice for me and dd?

Hi dyl thanks for posting. It’s really helpful to hear about your perspective. I hope you are ok and getting plenty of support irl. Were you able to access any specialised therapy for your ptsd? Sometimes EMDR is used for this and can be on nhs too. It’s thought to be very helpful in ptsd.
I wish you well for the future

mouseymummy - Hello. I haven't seen the thread but that sounds like an incredibly difficult situation :( As I have no knowledge of your daughter personally I wouldn't really feel comfortable giving an opinion or advice. I can only echo what I said before which is continue be a great supportive parent, while encouraging her in other aspects of her life, as at the moment she may be really consumed by gender identity. What things is she good at, what are her hobbies and passions, maybe try to focus on those. I'm sorry I can't offer anything better.

Coming to terms with having an adult female body is hard, due to the reproductive role that biology forces us into, and when you add in the social pressure of gender expectations, the harassment young women experience, abuse, sexism and discrimination, it’s no wonder a lot of young girls think transitioning to male might be the answer they need

So damn true...

Im so glad im old. I was one of the ones who would now be labelled trans from ‘birth‘. My very earliest memories are of crying because I didn’t want to wear a dress or play with the. dolls i was given.

I could never answer the question ’do you want to be a boy‘ truthfully because even as a small kid I knew it wasn’t possible any more than I could become a tiger or a I wonder how I’d have felt if I’d been fed the line I could change?

That dysphoria deepened hugely when I hit puberty, I desperately wanted to ‘unsubscribe‘ from periods, boobs and wolfwhistles.

Im now nearly 50, happily bi, I look like a butch lesbian. I’m me. And as my health inevitably worsens with age I am so fucking glad im not on lifelong medication.

Thank you for posting here OP. I hope you feel at peace. I am so very aware how I could have walked hte same path as you had my circumstances been only slightly different.

rocketromano - I'm working on it :) counselling helps a lot. It's a struggle for sure but I'm doing ok.

maybe the charities and lobby groups have more of a duty to also acknowledge that we exist, because people questioning their identity need the full story, not just success stories.

Thanks for your response OP. I completely agree with your points and I am sorry that there hasn’t been more support on offer from these massive charities for you and other detransitioned people.

Hello Dyl. Thanks for answering. I'm glad you didn't encounter the lesbian penis. I think it's worse here in North America. In solidarity

I'm sorry I can't offer anything better.

I think what you’ve said about focusing on other interests, what they’re like as a person, not dismissing their gender, but not encouraging obsessing over it, is very helpful and insightful. The sooner schools move to this as the official line along with challenging gender stereotypes the better.

I find it quite perplexing when I know there are people in education working on how to reduce gender stereotypes due to impact on attainment and mental health, why the gender ideology gumpf isn't being / seen to be included in this.

Identity politics morphing into religious ideology based on pseudoscience.