Re. performing femininity - it's the Caitlin Moran test, isn't it? Are men expected to do it?
Men can shave beards or not as they choose. Turn up for work in a sharp designer suit with several different alternatives in their wardrobe, or wear the same rumpled suit every day of the year, even if presenting on TV (a male TV presenter tried this as an experiment - no-one even noticed). And all their shoes, whether smart designer or not, are comfortable, functional and waterproof.
The point is that women often are not afforded the choice of whether or not to perform femininity. Unshaven legs and skirt? No-no in most professional environments (it would be viewed as the equivalent of a man showing up in ripped jeans and an unwashed band tour t-shirt with the morning's fried egg dripped down the front). Same clothes to present the TV news every night of the year for a whole year? A woman wouldn't even make it through the first week. Functional shoes? Not professional enough. Not wear make-up? Risk getting taken on one side and told you're letting yourself go.
Don't get me wrong. Some of the time I find it entertaining to perform femininity. Most of the time, I can't be arsed. (Mercifully I am a scientific researcher by trade, so no-one really gives a shit what I look like, but it would be different in most professional jobs.) But the problem is that the pressure on women to perform femininity is much higher than any equivalent pressure on men, and you are living in cloud cuckoo land if you can't see this.