Small feminist acts

[Jeanhatchet]

Discussing this with a friend the other day. We don't all have the capacity/time/health/money to do big activism.

But feminist women help each other all the time in small ways. Tiny things can be feminist acts. Listening to a woman who is in pain . Bunging her a fiver when she can't feed her kids. Looking after her kids so she can go for a walk. Chucking money into a homeless woman's lap instead of a man's. Consciously finding out the woman to help.

Or choosing to read books by women not men.

Watch films with female leads and female focused themes.

Listen to music by women. Go to an art exhibition by a woman. If you can find one.

Retweet women not men. Read their articles. Post their articles not men's.

Reject conditioning. Try not to look at the women you encounter today and judge their weight, clothes, make up etc. We have been taught to be critical of each other by men and their media and their comments to and about us.

Instead flip your gaze as soon as you feel yourself conforming to that ... onto a man. Judge him. Does he look like a good man? Does he look like he treats women well or beats and rapes them? Or buys them for sex? You can't tell of course. But it moves the game away from women. It is a conscious feminist act not to play the game men have taught us.

IO wrote a long but well thought out email at work (i'm supply so have to think carefully sometimes) about a 'we are great at sport' type newsletter from a college.

I pointed out that the male and female basketball teams had both got to the same stage of a competition the 'men' had 'fought valiantly against the favorites but were outclassed by the better team, where as the 'girls' had not succeeded to get further in the competition.

I also pointed out that the posters offering boxing for exercise and keep fit had pictures of three men wearing belts they had won and only in the small print did it say the class was for both sexes.

I asked why Nicola Adams hadn't been featured as she had just become and always will be the first female boxer to win an Olympic gold medal that BME women roll models are scarce and that students at the college could probably identify more with her and that was better than aspiring to be Mike Tyson.

NeurotrashWarrior

And if I talk about something on women's hour and I get the, "I want to know why there isn't a man's hour" I always reply with "No you don't, because if you did you would already know why "

Calling out people who automatically connect a woman's action or reaction to her sex.

Good point sashh. I also point out that there was one for a bit called the locker room.

No one listened and they ran out of things to talk about.

Same kind of stuff as PP.

Giving younger women breaks and being as supportive as possible at work (very male dominated industry)

trying not to eye roll too hard with younger people in general if they occasionally come out with daft shite, try to talk it over them.

Adults who are old or sensible enough to know better do not usually get it sugar coated though

Securing female representation on any professional bodies at work

Trying to work out the law around sexism and gender in my mind (I am not a lawyer) so I can have it up my sleeve if needed. (Eg my workplace allows women-identifying male-bodied people into the women’s toilets..not in a position to challenge this currently but)

Trying to remember to post for lurkers on FWR

Emailing my MP about stuff, very quick and easy to do.

Emailing companies etc about women’s issues

I try to break down the madonna/whore mindset with children. Eg in reading with them (See all of Roald Dahl’s female characters) Using a mix of female characters so they don’t internalise that women and girls are either ‘good’ (always absolutely perfect and selfless and have to be ‘better/cleverer/stronger than the boys’..)
or ‘bad’ (irredeemable, an unnatural woman, doesn’t perform femininity or mothering correctly, shows emotion, has her own wants or needs etc)

So I often have to change things up when I read aloud to make them less sexist..

Self care, consciously thinking about my boundaries, working on ‘know thyself’ and remembering usually it’s a marathon not a sprint

Being happy about the small wins because they all add up

I really enjoyed your post chattylion

Refusing to buy any overly gendered baby clothes (pink & blue ) and avoiding brands which insist on selling nothing else (which rules out most of the high street, sadly).

Good point sashh. I also point out that there was one for a bit called the locker room.

I deliberately don't, it's not the job of a woman to educate a man who could easily have found that information if they were bothered.

Very true.

To be fair, I've only had that conversation with a woman. (!!!)

4 thanks and please feel very free to post more tips on any small acts of feminism around navigating music lyrics and music videos. I remember as a teen being mortified if my parents commented on any music I was listening to, so i find it a really tricky area.

Thats very true and she's only 10 so I think I've got a tiny and ever decreasing window of opportunity to either positively influence her or at least give her a sounding board to talk through how it may bother her.

Music - I don't think I know any 10 year olds who like Opera but there can be some interesting points.

Cosi Fan Tutte and the ENO production is interesting.

If you don't know the plot 2 officers are persuaded bu a friend to see if their finacees are faithful.

The friend says all women are the same and will not be faithful, so the officers tell their fiances they are off to war, they actually disguise themselves and return in disguise as albanians to attempt to seduce the other's fiance.

The disguises work and the woman are persuaded to marry the albanians but at the wedding the albanians disappear and the men return initially dressed as the officers and then dressed partly as officers and partly as albanians.

The friend persuades them all that 'women are like that' and they marry their original lovers.

ENO's version has the women overhear the conversation before the wedding and so they disguise themselves as the other so they are actually being faithful to the original fiances.

No one listened and they ran out of things to talk about.

Doesn't bother Women's hour - most topics on a tight replay loop.

Chattylion yes to female characters good and bad. And also female characters who are morally OK but gobby. Jacqueline Wilson does this well.

Re not using gendered nick names like princess, I have also stopped using names like poppet & pickle unless I would also use them for a boy. It’s interesting how many of these that aren’t perhaps overtly sexist actually are when you stop and think about them.

Doesn't bother Women's hour - most topics on a tight replay loop.

This is a small feminist act; they know that a large proportion of their listeners are regularly being interrupted by children.

I've made a big fuss (along with many others) when a leisure centre announced they were replacing the female changerooms for family changerooms. Between us all making a fuss, they've agreed to not remove female single sex changerooms

I work with 3-4 year olds and sadly find I need to have this topic in mind every day. I change the sex of characters in books and soft toys to ensure we have a smattering of females at least. I have even had to point out to a colleague that cows are always female!! I try really hard to challenge stereotypes about toys and clothes all the time, although it is a lonely uphill struggle at times.

Good for you @Franberry!

beeyourself

Would that be the one I was tweeting about yesterday? Offers a female gym but was proposing no female changing.

That's the one sashh

I attempted to put a man right on our local FB Page when he was moaning about our “Top Women of xxx Town award” being sexist and how the prize of a bunch of flowers diminishes women. I thanked him and told him we’d decide what diminishes us.

Another child-related one, and all in age appropriate language and from a young age:
That you are equally happy if they want to be with a woman or with a man when they grow up.
That nobody can really change sex but anyone can wear whatever they like or look however they want.
That there’s no such thing as stuff ‘just for girls’ or ‘just for boys’, and that people that insist on that being true are being a little bit silly.
That their body belongs to them (and to learn the NSPCC pants rule).
That it’s fine to say no to something to do with your own body unless it’s for necessary for your health - like visiting the doctor or dentist- or keeping yourself healthy like brushing teeth and eating veg.

I spend all my spare cash on buying work from female artists, I've got a steadily growing collection now and I love having a wall of the female gaze. Also buying tshirts from artgirlsrising on Instagram, wearing them has prompted some really interesting conversations with strangers about female artists and they donate money to women's charities. I also have all of the 'little people big dreams' books for DD, they are a fantastic resource for showing the outstanding things women have done, they've even taught me things I didn't know.

We've just added the Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls podcast to our car rotation. Another one we listen to a lot is PANTS on Fire which is hosted by one woman and one man robot and always has one male and one female contributor. And the show's stated aim is to teach critical thinking.