Raising a transgender 9 year old

[QuietContraryMary]

www.autostraddle.com/like-the-other-kids-raising-my-trans-child-in-a-cissexist-world-439567/

" I’m super queer, and my co-parent is a trans woman, "

"My child came out as transgender when she was in preschool. She’s nine now. "

"the kids moved to the splash pad area of the playground."

Just get wet in your clothes!” I yell to my kid.

“But it will be uncomfortable! Can I take my shirt off like the other kids? Please?”

“No, because those kids are boys, and you are a girl,"

"My child is standing on the shoulders of Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Jazz Jennings, and everyone else that has fought so hard for a world where a preschooler can realize she is transgender, be supported by her school’s policies, and have the resources she needs. "

"I’ve mostly vanquished that voice in my head that says I’m not good enough because I’m not straight, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone. I call her Brenda, after Katya Zamolodchikova’s negative voice. "

[note: Katya Zamolodchikova is a drag character played by an Irish American from Florida, on RuPaul's drag race]

"During a talk with the principal, she casually said “All kids mimic their parents, and that’s fine.” Ice ran down my spine; I knew she was revealing that she thinks my kid is only trans because her mama is"

"When I met my child’s first grade teacher, she said that she thinks it’s best to just let my child “be gender neutral” — why make her choose? She went on to explain that she didn’t think such labels were “helpful for childhood development.” My head swirled with this casual condemnation of my parenting and my child’s gender. This teacher had clearly never heard about the struggles agender and genderqueer people go through, either"

"When she says “I wear dresses because I’m a girl,” she’s speaking about her own experiences as a transgender child. “Boys can wear dresses, too, honey,” could seem like I’m saying that wearing dresses isn’t enough for her to be considered a girl."

Catherine Kelly is a social justice organizer, parent, and a queer/bi femme. When not writing, parenting, or bartending, she's usually riding her bike somewhere to eat.

That whole 'straight as fuck' annoys me too. Should straight people be ashamed of their sexuality then?

That's why I describe myself as a 'heterosexual' these days, unapologetically. It's hip to be square etc. etc.

When my child started kindergarten at her public school, the staff there were really excited to implement their new professional development. They were eager to give my child interventions, such as an in-school therapist. They used all the proper language. They were committed to welcoming my child. And they were all straight as fuck. They were honestly so into themselves and how prepared they were to be an ally to my child that it was hard for me to point out just how wrong they were

That Lundy statement about abusers' tactics would sit nicely with this quote.

"dear oh dear. Let him ne a gay boy ffs."

I wouldn't even assume that tbh. The parents are acting out some sort of bizarre alternate reality.

I think this comment is astute:

"Put that all together, and I’m just one giant ball of anxiety who is frequently at a loss for the perfect way to help my child navigate the world."

Like Dragon3, something about this doesn’t quite ring true to me.

My brain hurts after reading that load of shite. When did people become so obsessed with themselves. The author's child is going to need a lot of therapy.
I wonder how is the author gay if her partner is a trans woman?

she's a woman, her wife is a woman with a dick. that's like, super gay.

I think this is the problem with hanging so much of your life on one thing , letting it become all consuming.

I think that in this family's case, that advice given to so many parents of troubled kids probably applies to troubled parents of kids too - get off the internet, get out, and use your body to do physical things - remind yourself that other things exist that don't hinge on whatever is the aspect of your identity you are obsessed with

It does read like a parody, but there are 9 comments underneath taking it seriously. Scary.

Where I work, we’ve got two male preschoolers who love wearing dresses. Yesterday, we had 7 boys (and 2 girls) in the roleplay area that was set up as a baby clinic, all arguing over who was going to look after the babies, one of whom was dressed up as Elsa.

I can’t imagine pathologising that as being born in the wrong body, even if any of them said “I’m a girl”. How the fuck do we break gender roles as a society if any deviance from them is seen as a medical issue?

Pain my boys were exactly the same as preschoolers. I’d go to collect them and find them in a different fairy or princess or cowboy or nurse costume every time. My eldest roleplayed breastfeeding his teddy bear while I fed his younger brother. My youngest loved his doll and pushchair.

I could go on and on. None of it made me think for a second about their gender identity, why would it? They’re just kids learning about the world.

It’s abusive adults fucking up their children’s development, imposing patriarchal gender roles on their natural curiosity - so the dress makes the woman, does it? It’s the worst kind of narcissistic imposition.

The school were obviously very accommodating and helpful but it's never enough is it? They are 'straight' as fuck' so useless really, underneath all their kindess and helpfulness. That poor child.

I can’t imagine pathologising that as being born in the wrong body, even if any of them said “I’m a girl”. How the fuck do we break gender roles as a society if any deviance from them is seen as a medical issue?

Couldn't agree more.

I truly hope that this is a parody article. The author told her 9 year old son that he couldn't take his shirt off in a water park because he is a girl, and then relates how he slumped to the floor in tears. It is heartbreaking to read. Disturbing on so many levels. Telling a child deliberate lies about their own body. The misogyny, the manipulation.

My son is in preschool so a similar age to the child in question when they apparently "came out" as transgender. He currently identifies as a bird or an aeroplane for a significant part of the day (wing fascination - not sure what that's about). I'm not about to start strapping wings to him, feeding him only on seed and converting his bedroom to an aviary. Bonkers.

Good grief. Frightening. Deluded.

"I really don’t think I would comment on a cisgender girl’s appearance when she points out her clothes. But when my child, who thinks she “looks like a boy,” twirls in her dress, I tell her she looks beautiful."

Why wouldn't you comment on your daughter's clothes? I comment on my son's and tell him he's handsome or cute or looks like a really cool little dude. Can't imagine why you wouldn't validate any child's style choices.

Also don't get why at nine years old kids without tops on in the splash park would look much different whether boys or girls.

Kids are experimental and free. Just let them be and respond with what they need, rather than shoving them in boxes and taping down the fucking lid.

The role of a parent is to make sure that - despite your own feelings - the box they've chosen to put themselves in is always, always open.

Dd was a dog in pre school. At home she would eat her breakfast out of a bowl on the floor. Tip.her water into a bowl. Make dog beds out of blankets and make leashes out of dressing gown belts.

It's normal.for boys yo wear a dress and a fire fighter helmet out the dressing up box.

And why can't a 9 yr old take her t shirt off and play in the water either just in the shorts or a vest and pants or crop top.

Talk about being coerced. Boys and girls at 9 could have just done it. They made the drama

Someone needs to tell them that dresses or other 'girly' clothes do not make a woman/girl, their biological body does that.

Idiot. Shouldn't be allowed to indoctrinate children like this.

Safeguarding has evolved because incidents of child abuse are analysed and steps taken to limit them.

The shocking, and most frustrating, part of this abuse is it is being deemed progressive.

Those teachers can but make suggestions in the vain hope of helping this child.

And the mother can call those suggestions regressive, wrong, etc. And the current thinking is that she is entirely correct.

It's sick.

Crikey. Talk about self-obsessed. Me me me me me me me. My child my child.

I'm so much more nuanced, interesting, brave, stunning, non-conforming, rebellious, boundary smashing, pioneering than you are in your rigid gender roles, prescribed by me, that I place you firmly in.

Sorry love, don't have a gender identity, don't want one. Guess I'm just as fascinating as you eh?

Safeguarding has evolved because incidents of child abuse are analysed and steps taken to limit them.

The shocking, and most frustrating, part of this abuse is it is being deemed progressive.

Those TRAs individuals and organisations promoting trans ideology do not understand Safeguarding. The policies and training they have influenced and/or written for professionals working with children and vulnerable adults damages the protective frameworks intended to protect those the claim to advocate for.

Its a serious systemic failing.

Those TRAs individuals and organisations promoting trans ideology do not understand Safeguarding. The policies and training they have influenced and/or written for professionals working with children and vulnerable adults damages the protective frameworks intended to protect those the claim to advocate for.

Mermaids training session for teachers:

Imherefornow wrote:
"Here are the links to the transcripts thanks to a wonderful mumsnet collaboration. Share as you will smile

docs.google.com/document/d/1NDOMlo2aEpBl2ySfKdEWCb1H94tZciKiqUffjH1ku0Y/edit?usp=sharing

docs.google.com/document/d/1aeFV0T6j4PXvm1xZBS_50oSJYV-_gO8YMoFjKjNA_9Y/edit?usp=sharing

thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3454658-recording-of-mermaids-training?pg=10

"When she says “I wear dresses because I’m a girl,” she’s speaking about her own experiences as a transgender child. “Boys can wear dresses, too, honey,” could seem like I’m saying that wearing dresses isn’t enough for her to be considered a girl."

I have friends who follow this logic. According to them being gender non-conforming is borderline transphobic because if boys can wear dresses, how do people know that a trans-identified male wearing a dress is "actually" a woman?