What are you telling your children about sex and gender?

[irnbruforlife]

I am hearing how a lot of teenage children have been sold the gender identity ideology as legitimate truth from various sources be it school, social media etc. My dc are far younger, and whilst I don't have as much control as to what they learn at school, is it wrong to instil a rigid belief in them that humans cannot change sex? That trans ideology is like any other religion, some people believe in it and are entitled to believe in it, but (imo and I say this respectfully) they are wrong and if they push their beliefs too far it will cause discord/May be dangerous for other people in society.

My 11 yo asked me what trans meant a few months ago.
We had a full and frank discussion about what it means for some people and she said to 'But can you actually change XX yo XY and the opposite? You'd need a blood transfusion, oh wait no you'd have to change all of your cells! Is that even possible?'
No. No it's not. A small proportion of trans people are born into the wrong body. The rest have serious issues that are not really an awful lot to do with their gender.
I know many people disagree with that but each to their own.

I've told them the truth. You can't change sex. I've also brought them up to understand that people live very differently and that is fine. I'm not lying to them though.

I started with 'sex is what's in your pants and gender is about whether people expect you to like barbie dolls or dinosaurs'.
Detail and nuance can be added as they grow older and ask more questions.

Trans didn't come up as a topic when they were little, Im a female scientist and have 2 DDs, I always encouraged them to play with whatever toys interested them, and tried to avoid too much pink Barbie stuff.
Now they are old enough to have a few Trans friends, I only encourage them to be kind and supportive. There is already too much hate in the world, a bit of kindness goes a long way.
I don't agree with self ID, and would tell the girls why if they asked.

My DD is 8 and we’ve talked about sex (cannot change sex) and gender from a stereotype point of view and i’ve contrasted it to what I do - so wear trousers, do martial arts etc and explaining that women and girls aren’t constricted to doing what ‘society’ thinks they should be restricted to. She is one of the least ‘girly’ in her class so I’m getting in first.

A small proportion of trans people are born into the wrong body.

Well, no.

Some people feel uncomfortable with the physical body/parts they have. That doesn't mean it is 'wrong' and I believe it is dangerous to perpetuate the "possibility" that it is; and give the idea that it can be fixed by simply adopting the external appearance of the other sex.

"Not liking being a man" does not equal "woman" (and vice versa)

At best, either sex can only adopt a facsimile of their best guess of what it might be like to live as the other. It never "is" being the other sex.

Age appropriate truth.

Basic biology, in correct terms.
An understanding (again, age appropriate) of sex and reproduction and as they get old enough the emotional issues around it.
That sex is set
That gender is a set of stereotypes they don’t have to conform to. As they are older, how society enforced such stereotypes
That they are perfect as they are.

I’m also, even at a young age, pointing out how advertising works and how to think about what people say vs what they mean.

Hopefully they will grow up to be secure, compassionate individuals with a good grasp on science and critical thinking.

Be nice a bow down to anyone who feels they are something.

Mine are primary age and I'll be teaching them:

1. you can't change sex
2. be kind to mentally ill people
3. stand up for your rights.

And don't forget objective truth.

A dangerous idea gaining ground: "You can be anything you want to be."

No. You can't. You can only be what you truly are.

My children know my views: I'm clear that human beings cannot change sex.

I'm fine with telling them that some people BELIEVE they have been born in the wrong body.

I want compassion for people diagnosed with gender dysphoria but that doesn't mean I adhere to the BELIEF that everyone has a gender identity.

My DD is 17. I told her the facts about sex and the beliefs around gender. This was reinforced during biology lessons! They definitely don’t teach them that humans can change sex or be born in the wrong body! She is gender non conforming and autistic and is fiercely against gender stereotypes. As are her highly intelligent friends, many of whom are autistic. I was worried she might get swayed by ideology, but I’m happy to say she is far too smart for that and turned out to be GC before we had any deep discussions about it. I was called a ‘tomboy’ as a child, so I guess I’ve been very clear as a parent from when she was young, that there is no right way to be a girl or a boy. Just be you.

Men can wear dresses, makeup and long hair if they want and it doesn't make them any less male. And no one should mock them for doing so. And vice versa with female stereotypes.

That gender is a way to keep people in little boxes, because women are less of a threat when they're vacuous home-makers and men are easier to control when you can shame them into hiding their emotions.

gender is about whether people expect you to like barbie dolls or dinosaurs'.
Nope.no.

This is just not on. gender is about whether people expect you to like barbie dolls or dinosaurs'.
Dorothea Bates, Mary Anning...
ahhhh so wrong I can't even begin to...

Mine are fairly little.

They know where babies come from, and (age appropriately) how they made and grow. They know the differences between boys and girls (different parts, penis/uterus - again, age appropriately explained), but that that's a body only, that colours and toys are for everyone.

The whole family is fairly gender non-conforming personality-wise, - DP sucks at anything practical, I'm a computer programmer who does all the fixing of things, but I have long hair and sometimes wear makeup (but rarely a dress), DP has short hair etc. so I think we're not really in your face, we're just presenting it as all of these things are for everyone, and you get to choose which you prefer (as a consequence, one child has short hair, one has a curly mop - entirely their own choices)

DC1 has form for thinking about things a lot, so I'm sure at some point he'll come across this and ask some questions. DC2, not so much, he'll just give people a withering look and go on with his life ignoring the ridiculousness.

Told DC that of course boys can wear pink sparkly skirts, girls can be rocket scientists, no limits. Girls and boys can be gay or straight and present how they wish. No-one should be hemmed in by rules saying this and only this is what girls/boys do/say/wear (that'd be like going back to the 1950s... ).

Talked about how humans are mammals and can't change sex. Sex is determined about 6 weeks after conception and observed at birth. (Your place in the queue at Clarks is assigned by the ticket number). If our bones are dug up 500 years after we die, no-one can tell if the person wore makeup or had silicone breasts. Extracting DNA from the bones tells you if the person was male or female.

Recently one DD, now at secondary, put her hand up in PSHCE when asked to write a paragraph on 'What makes a Man', 'What makes a Woman' and said Miss can I put XX chromosomes in my 'What makes a Woman' paragraph? (proud mama moment ) and was told No!! . Told just put likes makeup etc .

When she told me I said hmmmmmm gosh was that a biology teacher, with my best MN head tilt.

The truth.
Noone is born into the wrong body, sex can't be changed, gender is stereotypes and is a really bad thing we should get rid of, how peer pressure works to make people go along and say what most people think and how to be a strong, brave resilient person who holds fast to the truth when all around them capitulate to a lie.
I teach them how to think critically and tell if something makes sense.
I teach them about religious beliefs and how science refutes magical thinking. (At least, my older child understands this)
I teach them all the time to be prepared to withstand the desperately uncomfortable feeling of being the odd one out amongst their friends.

Sex is Biology
Gender is Sociology
Trans is Psychology

No such thing as the Male/Female gender. Gender is not male/female. Male/Female is not gender. Gender is masculine/feminine.

That You can’t change sex

To question gender roles and other forms of social control and advertising

To have compassion for those who are mentally ill

To protect their own rights and boundaries

My kid is primary school age. What I taught him so far:

1. sex cannot be changed, you are born with it.
2. 'girl toys', 'boy clothes' are bullshit.
3. There is no 'boys/girls are smarter/stronger/better at...'. Even if there are occasionally distinct features, like men are generally taller than women, you can't say it on the individual level. I went full Gaussian distributions on him, and he loved it.

(Judging from a recent convo, I may have to go back to that one at some point to explain to him, why male and female sports should generally become seperated at some point of age because of the distinct distribution, as currently he is all about how girls can be as strong.)

1. That some think liking to cook or to wear dresses makes them a girl even though they are a boy and vice versa, which is bullshit. However, should he ever meet such a child, he should not challenge it and go along with name and pronoun, 'cause this is the adults' fault that the kid believes this not the kid's, and he won't be able to change it. It is not worth hurting the kid over it.

I struggle with this. Mine are only 2 and 4 but they have a transgender relative they’re very close to and I don’t want their view to be tainted in anyway.

@frazzled1

Did you complain to the school about blatantly enforcing gender stereotypes in that lesson? I would have gone to the papers, I think.

Sorry I was typing and doing something else.
Should have said thinks they have been..agree with points made.