No words

[Bittermints]

Extraordinary thread from Twitter, starting here with these two gems.

They do know that wizards aren’t real don’t they? Nor is:

The Loch Ness monster
Dracula
Santa Claus
Easter bunny
Edible fat free chocolate
Mermaids
Unicorns
Daniel Craig (oh hang on)

despite the SHAMEFULLY INCORRECT apostrophe, OnlineAlienator makes a very good point about the breathing thing

bernard

Yeah but they dont eat the same stuff do they?

I bet the little mermaid eats donuts...she'll have a hard time shitting a donut through a slit

I mean i know it gets smushed

Must be like a shark...do sharks have a slit?

Please dont make me google

I've been triggered by all this ishicascadiggaphobic speech. It's actual violence and a threat to my elbows' right to exist.

I just think googling shark slit is going to end badly

They don’t poo. They are magic, like the queen.

Merrily and without a care as they swim along

mmm, it would be very sad for mermaids if they had to eat those weird flakey things that goldfish eat

fish of that size tend to be hunters

i expect mermaid gang up on dolphins and rip them to shreds

And I'm not thin.

Maybe it's just a non-sex specific genetic trait akin to whatever Shar-pei dogs have?

The Little Mermaid is down there sat on that rock having just thrown up the last of six cans of Carlsberg.

I think that probably serves the dolphins right

I was still on elbow creases while you lot had moved on to mermaids.

Packs of mermaids ripping up dolphins? Ruling the seas? I'd watch that film.

I most definitely do not have baby cradling creases, neither does dh. Are we now in a gay relationship?

Also somewhere between speechless and lol at the “except for relationship purposes”.

Yeah because ‘cis het’ men never cradle babies, even if they’re fathers

More of that gender normative determinism from people who don’t believe in biological sex. There is just no logic to the trans agenda. It’s all about the feelz and ‘ladybrain’

Hang on... so men don’t have elbows?...

If a surgeon sews a trunk on Robin does that make him an elephant?

Pretty sexually aggressive too...

Isn’t there a whole thing about mermaids and split tails like the one in the Starbucks logo? It’s something about them being a more practical design for having sex with, I remember being a bit shocked when I read about it because the article was specifically referring to the Starbucks one, especially the original logo which was more like an old fashioned figure head than the redesign.

This idea mermaids have fish tails... they're scaly, but the orientation is like dolphins (horizontal, beats up and down) not like fishes (vertical, beats side to side).

They're clearly not actually fish tails, they're mermaids tails.

The logic is wrong.

If a magician could magically completely change somebody's body, yes it's possible to become a mermaid.

If it's just a question of appearance, a lot of people with pretend mermaid tails are going to drown.

Ah...so that's why dh always just dropped the babies on the floor, his dead straight rigid arms, no creases see. Obviously the dead straight rigid arms of the male is so they can put up shelves and is why they are unable to put washing inside the wash bin and have to lay their pants on top....poor unbendy armed men.

errol

Clearly...

Ummmmm. This thread is a bit silly 🧜‍♀️