Mothers are being abused during childbirth. We need our own #MeToo

[stumbledin]

I dont necessarily agree with the idea that this is the same as #MeToo but definitely at the extreme end of how the entrenched paternalism with health services too often leads to women being ignored and not listend to. And there examples of how many standard procedures are based on the needs of a male body not a female one. (another reason why pretending gender identity is the same as biological sex is not only nonsense but could lead to inappropriate treatment).

interesting that the author is part of Index on Censorship.

Caution: some women may find this difficulat reading www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/dec/28/mothers-abused-childbirth-metoo-movement-women-give-birth

The entire system is inherently awful. Men aren't given none or inadequate anaesthesia for procedures on sensitive areas. And they aren't being sent straight home with complete responsibility for a new human including using their bodies to keep them alive either. No, they are usually cared for by relatives or friends, time OFF etc

There's not much to be done about this inequality but it's something I usually bear in mind when dealing with MRA types banging on about men doing dangerous jobs. It doesn't get much more dangerous than childbirth and prostitution.

Hasn't Matt Hancock promised to make UK best place in world to give birth? Perhaps he should come on for a web chat. I've never given birth but think this is really important.

I do think this is why many women are huge advocates of home birth, many have had such poor experiences in hospital. I think women of childbirth age and the elderly have the worst of it, as care often can leave the patients feeling humiliated and traumatised.

I had a “surprise” membrane sweep and while I personally didn’t feel violated, it was painful and ineffective. Yet, stories on here vary, as some say it helped them go into labour. I wish I’d have been asked first, and if I ever have another child, I’ll definitely refuse and let it be known I won’t allow it at any point (and I’d already put it in my birth plan, but I definitely, definitely would always prefer c-sec over birthing tools).

It often appears that hospitals are reluctant to change long-standing procedures, even when the evidence suggests that they should do so.

Nobody

Ha ha ha ha!

Have you ever met Matt Hancock? I used to know him fairly well....let's just say he is an unlikely women's rights campaigner.

@charis I completely agree.

My DH had a vasectomy, he was fussed over, made comfortable, had carefully monitored anaesthetic to ensure he felt nothing at all, he had a nurse at his side to monitor him.

When in labour I had gloved hands roughly shoved into me without warning or consent. All I said was 'ouch' once and got barked at that she was just doing her job. I had a second degree tear stitched up with no warning, not a word spoken to me, when I nearly hit the ceiling in pain I was tutted at and told to have some gas and air.

Sorry you went through it too. I've told DP and while he has an amazing pain threshold it's almost as if he doesn't believe me that this is being routinely done in hospitals?

I said it to room of people (mostly first time parents to be) on a tour of the labour wing when pregnant with DC#2. I just got looks of feint distaste but the staff couldn't get me out of there fast enough.

Hi, I am 26 and l live in the United States and it happens everywhere. Here is my horror birth story if anyone is willing to read it. My story starts when I was 19 weeks. I went to my OBGYN and I was told I was dilating early I was put on some hormone medication and sent home. The next week when I returned it had got worse and I had read online there was a procedure called a cerclage and I had asked my doctor about it and he said "I wasn't a candidate because I had never had any children before". So I was at home and without thinking I had picked up my little niece and I felt a little bit of pressure and something different down there. It felt like a little bubble coming out of my cervix, so I went to two different emergency room labor and delivery department and one sent me home without even doing an exam. The other didn't do an exam with a speculum they had a nurse do it with her hand she said the all she could feel was the cervix and I was fine. I knew she was wrong and I had an appointment at the OBGYN the next day when he checked he said I had a bulging sac and I needed to go straight to the hospital from there. For the next week I spent not allowed to eat and in an inverted bed to keep pressure off my uterus and cervix. I remember crying because I was so hungry. So after about a week of being there they came in and did the daily exam. Me and my sister and mother we're all just hanging out worried and I started bleeding directly after, the nurse told me it was normal but went and got the doctor and they checked again. Very quickly I was push to another room and they did an ultrasound and I was told the baby's foot was coming out. They said I needed to have a C-section. So I'm carted the surgery room and I can't exactly remember but I know that they had me romove the hospital gown and I was completely naked surrounded by at least 20 doctors. I remember being so cold that when a nurse put her hand on my leg it was a huge comfort. I was completely shaking all over. To had a med student do my spinal while another doctor guided him on how to do it. I remember her telling him she wasn't in and to not worry just push a little harder, it took what felt like a long time. I laid down and the first half went fine. Halfway through I started to feel so much pressure that it felt like someone was standing on top of me hammering my stomach I could feel a huge burning sensation which I thought was the cauterizer. I was screaming on the top of my lungs about how much pain I was in crying and then they gave me more medication which didn't really take effect till after it was over, it felt like hours. I was even screaming to the surgeons to hurry up. The medicine kicked in I guess once I was in recovery and my my mom was shocked because I was lifting up my legs to show them that I wasn't numb down there and could move. It was absolutely horrific. That is basically what happened to me but then my son who was only 24 weeks at the time was rushedstraight to the NICU on the top floor he was immediately intubated they tried to get a PIC line in and couldn't. He spent the next three months in the NICU. When he was two weeks old he contracted a MRSA it's like a staph infection from the nurses or the NICU which I know because The first time I held him he was a month old. He had so many procedures more than I've had in a lifetime. He was on a ventilator and a feeding tube most of those three months. He came on oxygen and on a heart monitor. He had retinopathy of prematurity and once he was sent home he had to go weekly to get eye exams and had three eye surgery before he was 9 months old. He is now two and is a pretty normal two year old for everything he's been through but he still has some developmental issues, and his entire body has scars everywhere. I was traumatized by what happened to me and I am pretty lucky that I now have a happy healthy two year old. Doctors need to see people as human.

Kendallmg23

@Kendallmg23 that sounds absolutely horrific, I hope you had support afterwards and I'm glad your little boy pulled through and is doing well x

The NHS is on its last legs.
Care in the US is only available to a limited number of the population and is extremely variable.IME.
I onow several people who live in France and the system there seems to work very well. It is a mix of state and private insurance.

These stories are very disturbing. I must have been very lucky with my maternity care and birth, but it shouldn’t be luck. It should be the standard.

I actually thought about suing them for malpractice but my family talked me out of it.

In America anyone can go to an emergency room and be treated and billed later which if you don't pay it affects your credit. They also have medicade which is a government health plan they give to people that qualify if you make under a certain amount each year and it doesn't have copays or premiums that you have to pay the state pays.

I was in severe pain with a large back-to-back baby but was told I couldn’t be admitted until I was sufficiently dilated. They sent me home with no painkillers. I struggled alone until I couldn’t cope any more and went back. Still not dilated so sent home again. Nobody would listen to me. I never did dilate so would have basically been made to stay at home until I died. Except I went back and refused to leave. I sat in the foyer until they agreed to admit me for an emergency c-section.

By this time it was late at night so I was put on the ward, paralysed from anaesthetic, with no support available till 8am and no food. I rang the bell and asked for help with my baby, the nurse stood there in front of me and said no, the rules are you have to look after your own baby. I was on the ward for two days and wasn’t fed because apparently you have to order your meal 24 hours in advance - as if I knew I’d be there!

The bigger issue imo is that after I was sent home nobody gave a crap about my recovery. I’d had major surgery yet only received one cursory checkup with a doctor who didn’t even examine me. I was told the NHS can’t afford physiotherapy or further checkups to assist my recovery.

This is why I am terrified of birth. Not the giving birth part, not the pain, but the medical staff.
I have spent a long time as an inpatient in a hospital which was 'failing', and it was terrifying. I've also nearly died due to negligence in a supposedly 'outstanding' hospital.

I will not be 'allowed' a home birth, as I'm very high risk. I might just do it anyway. I am much less scared of giving birth on my own than surrounded by medical staff. I am not sure what else I can do to stop medical staff violating me without consent.

Maternity services are comparatively well resourced, because birth cuts across socio-economic classes. Over decades, there have been significant improvements made, thanks to women campaigners with access to the resources needed to get their voices heard. In other parts of the NHS, things are much worse, especially where patients are less able to speak up.

As for political parties - as someone working in the NHS, absolutely there is a huge difference. Under a Labour government, services were vastly better funded. There really is no comparison. Under the present government, many services just don't exist at all, or not in any meaningful way. People who work in or commission NHS services will now go private for themselves and their own families. The NHS in many areas of medicine is becoming a threadbare safety net for the poor. In my own department, we used to be every bit as clinically good as the private sector, if not better. Our treatment and outcomes were world class, even if we didn't have plush carpets or flowers in reception.
Now, we are turning people away or putting on neverending waiting lists. We provide a few people with 'support' so there is a facade of a service still existing. We no longer transform lives.

I have never confronted my awful experience with my first ds. He was back to back, I had a failed epidural and I found the pain with just gas and air awful. He had to be born very quickly in the end as he stopped breathing. I had a horrendous male doctor, who was very difficult and lacked empathy. 24 hours after going home I haemorrhaged and was very very ill. He was the doctor on call, and said to me “oh yes you were the woman who could not cope with a bit of pain in labour “. I did not complain, I was in no state to, but how I regret it now.

I had sepsis five days due to an infected surgical stitch. I died on the operating table, DS was too resuscitate.

Obviously I was brought back, I'm not typing from beyond the grave.

Not in the UK, but Ireland and the difference in treatment between a colposcopy and a colonoscopy was stark. Both on the public system. I nearly started a thread about it to see if anyone had similar experience.

@Pandamonium

My experience having my Son wasn’t the best. However the aftercare was by far the worst.

Under staffed, with a midwife in charge who all the staff hated and you could feel the atmosphere.

We were in for four days had a run in with a male doctor, his student asked him to check DS and he walked into the cubicle ‘you asked to see me?’ No I didn’t I don’t know why you are here.

Then followed a long conversation of oh your a anxious first time mum, and then talked to DH and not me.

Luckily it was just before visiting time and my DM turned up and I was in tears. He did apologise. But wouldn’t admit he was talking to my husband and not to me. I really felt like a second class citizen my view didn’t matter as I was female.

I’ve always said next time will be a home birth. But I’m not able too unfortunately

I had a battery of tests, a mastectomy, reconstruction and was treated for infection, all on the NHS. Also had both my DD in an NHS hospital, none of it is fancy but it worked for me. Under the US system I have had over $120,000 dollars worth of treatment. My friend died of skin cancer, her husband would have lost everyhing having her treated in some countries. If we want a better health service we will have to pay for it but Im not sure we can complain too hard.

Completely agree. My treatment while giving birth was horrendous. No one believed that my spinal block hadn’t worked until I kicked the surgeon in the face as they had started cutting and ignored my screams by telling me I was being a ‘wimp’. The last straw was when I passed out on the floor after they tried forcing me to stand up and walk to the toilet whilst having a PP hemmorage a few hours after a general anaesthetic section. I was kept in hospital for 10 days and on the tenth day my dr came up and spoke to me to ‘debrief and apologise’ which was clearly code for ‘please don’t sue me’