Tiny Acts of Feminism

[littlecabbage]

I’m interested to know what other “tiny acts of feminism” other feminists here like to perform on a daily basis. I like to think that every little helps when it comes to equality of the sexes. Some of mine include:

Always making sure I say the gender neutral “firefighter”, “police officer”, etc when talking about jobs to my kids.

Addressing letters/cards for people to “their first name” “their surname”, i.e. avoiding the use of titles which distinguish whether a woman is married or not, but do not distinguish the same for a man.

Making sure that when on long journeys in the car as a family, I drive one way, and my husband drives the other (in my family growing up, Dad always did the driving, even though my Mum was perfectly capable).

Ensuring I speak to the maitre d’ at a restaurant on behalf of DH and I, at least as often as he does.

I would love to hear about other minor acts I can incorporate into daily life.

I think that's a humongous act of feminism E! Well done, but yes more campaigning to go.

(I'm not sure it's legal?!)

There is a workplace law that states single sex facilities are required.
I'd report your company if I were you.

Unless of course you are in Canada!

I completely disagree that men tend not to move. In my experience both parties move to angle away from each other, except 20 something women who don't move very often. Probably for the reason some of you use on this page.

Call it what you want but it is rude. We ALL have a responsibility to move and to assume you should have right of way is rude and unpleasant.

We are polite to each other, giving way completely for those more in need, and steering to one side for others. Often there is a little dance as we both choose to steer in the same direction, then a smile and a nod recognising each other as kind human beings.

You see what you look for and miss what you aren't looking for. Assume positive intent and you may see more positive results.

@GoldenBlue I completely disagree that people need Foodbanks, I have plenty of food.

I stop my team members writing letters dates sent to ‘Dear Sirs’

I ask why there are no (or occasionally only 1 or 2) female panel members at conferences I’m invited to attend.

I comment on the token female characters in the films I watch with DP.

I ask if the member of staff is under 18 when a colleague talks about that girl in finance / HR.

@SlightAggrandising I also completely disagree with food banks. We have a responsibility to help change things so that they are no longer necessary.

However, how does that relate to my comments that refusing to move out of the way for anyone is rude?

It's no different than holding a door open for someone or helping pick something up? Or do you not do that either?

Excellent ideas here, thanks.
I work in a field where seniors are still addressed by titles (and I hate it); I correct all references to me to Ms and if a junior asks why I tell them my marital status is irrelevant to the task in hand.
I don't buy any pink stuff for girls for party gifts or for DNs.
I'm trying to teach my DSs to be self-sufficient at household chores.
I work with some fairly sexist people; I point out sexist behaviour "would you say that if I/ they were male".
I like the PP who asks all new fathers if they are going to work part time and will also do that!

However, how does that relate to my comments that refusing to move out of the way for anyone is rude?

It's not about being rude. When two people are walking towards each other, one of them must move. Mostly it is women. Just watch.

How can you think that women are socialised in all sorts of different ways, but not that one?

I find it very difficult to not move away from men when they sit next to me on the tube, or walk towards me. I do it to avoid sexual harassment, to avoid being touched. If someone comes up behind me, I move. I'm not sure if I could just carry on walking, although I understand the point. Men always expect me to give way when driving, no matter who has right of way

I should have added, when I ask new fathers if they are going part time, they all look at me bemused and say something about their wife / partner taking maternity leave or going part time and emphasise that this is what she wants, it’s her choice.

Then I comment on how good that is of her, to give up her job / damage her career prospects to look after THEIR child and ask him if he feels guilty about this. I ask if he is going to repay the favour later by going PT to allow her to build her career, buy back her pension etc.

This blows their minds because they all think that THEY are doing their female partners a favour by “ allowing her “ to take mat leave / go part time.

Of course this isn’t so relevant if they both have unskilled jobs but always is in professional careers.

If I know they have a hobby like playing sport , I ask how they will combine this with being a dad. I always get told how their wife is happy to look after the baby on Saturdays as well as Monday to Friday . Or she will go to her mothers ( all female labour being free and valueless of course ). Sometimes they have the grace to look a tiny bit embarrassed at this point.

It’s clear that NONE of these men have ever thought anything about it. They are convinced that THEY are making a sacrifice ( living on less income , even though none of them ever actually feel the financial effect of this, their lives continue as they were except they do even less housework and 5% of childcare, and still having as much free time).

None of them can grasp the profound effect that THEIR joint choice ( to have a baby ) is having on HER life. Forever ( or at least the next 20 years).

And no, I’m not saying this is true for all men in all societies in the world at all times. Just for most of the men I know socially.

Whisper I love that and will try it out when the opportunity presents itself.

Terrific post WH1SPERS. Childcare is not work. And yet I don't see men giving up WOTH in droves. I wonder why?

Then of course when the damage is done, the couple split up and they complain about the children remaining in the family home ("she gets the house") and not being considered contenders for primary carer / residency. It's everywhere on the boards.

WH1SPERS

Yes, I had never thought to do this, but you are absolutely right.

WH1SPERS - this is exactly what I came to realise after a few years of part time work after our son.

In addition, I had to work a lot at home (teaching) which was often on a Saturday. Dh would take our son out all day which was great but the laundry etc was still sitting there. He'd go away on lads weekends and said I could do the same but I really couldn't see how I could - when I tried he kept skipping off to his parents for the weekend with our son (so no housework done) so not only did I have a load of work to try to catch up on there was also a ton of house work, shopping and laundry.

Until I pointed out he'd have to take a day off to look after the toddler to compensate so I could work he didn't really get it. (I really should have done less laundry at that time. Especially his work clothes.)

A LOT of changes have happened though and he does really get it now. And we are actually putting our second in nursery an extra day so I can get through all home work on that day. We need the weekends to be a family and I have 3 low level chronic health conditions that can flare up in to one bad do and we've no family near by. I haven't the energy to work all night any more.

Oh god yes the hobbies. Mine decided to take up a time consuming hobby when we had a child. I stopped all mine! (That's on hold for the foreseeable future; part of the deal in having child #2!)

I kind of had to work all this out though. I didn't understand why I felt so pissed off till I did work it out and when I did (with help from mn!) I had to explain it to him. He genuinely hadn't seen or understood it.

Neurotrash, I’ve been coming to similar realisations myself this year, mostly due to reading on MN also. I also find that other MNs help me to articulate what I am thinking/feeling to DH n an intelligent and rational manner, which in turn makes him much more likely to understand my point of view. I’m really glad that I started hanging round on the FWR boards.

The only male colleague at work never makes any hot drinks yet always takes them. I've started to call him out on it.

Upthread re Birdbox, yes I think Sandra was meant to be younger, you're right.

I watched Spy in the Snow with my children and noticed how many times we used the word 'he' when we didn't know an animal's sex. Because of this thread I started using 'she' for the remainder of the programme.

This thread is so helpful.

My husband can work over whenever he wants. I work part-time (30 hrs but it's always more) and have to drop everything to be back after school. I'd like the luxury of being able to work his way, instead of basically full time and most of the house/admin. It's been this way for 11 years and has taken it's toll, physically, mentally and on how I work. It's a real bone of contention in our marriage.
I wanted to drop some hours/even leave as I was/am doing two roles badly and very stressed, but am stuck now.

To the poster who said men always get out of the way - maybe you're younger and/ or more attractive than me.

It often happens to me that men expect me to move out of their way. It happened this morning. A man & I came face to face as I was leaving a Tube station. As it happened I was putting away my ticket so stood still to do it. He just stood there for quite a while, expecting me to move, until, tutting, he moved round me. Another woman would simply have moved round me, straight away as I would have in reverse circumstances.

I remember ages ago an older friend telling me about how she had become invisible as she'd got older. I do now know what she means. Men do move out of the way of someone they want to impress, including younger women, sometimes. It's far less likely when you're older. I would add that it seems to be chiefly a middle-aged white men thing...

I work with children and try to be very aware of the language I use and challenge stereotypes as much as I can- does it have to always be a gingerbread man? Could it be a woman or a person?

My DDs have always claimed that I'm the only person who calls it 'the green person' rather than 'the green man' when crossing the road.

So I've been carrying out small acts of feminism for many years; am going to be aware of not moving out of the way for men much more now though.