Tiny Acts of Feminism

[littlecabbage]

I’m interested to know what other “tiny acts of feminism” other feminists here like to perform on a daily basis. I like to think that every little helps when it comes to equality of the sexes. Some of mine include:

Always making sure I say the gender neutral “firefighter”, “police officer”, etc when talking about jobs to my kids.

Addressing letters/cards for people to “their first name” “their surname”, i.e. avoiding the use of titles which distinguish whether a woman is married or not, but do not distinguish the same for a man.

Making sure that when on long journeys in the car as a family, I drive one way, and my husband drives the other (in my family growing up, Dad always did the driving, even though my Mum was perfectly capable).

Ensuring I speak to the maitre d’ at a restaurant on behalf of DH and I, at least as often as he does.

I would love to hear about other minor acts I can incorporate into daily life.

Yes, following a recent thread here, I am trying to stop saying “you guys” and just say “you all”, “everyone” or “folks”.

Some of it really is just habit though. This 'guys' thing has definitely happened in my lifetime. I don't think it's a consciously sexist term, but I do think it probably stems from a time in the USA when a group of workers or a team would be presumed to be male - and that male terminology has persisted.

Be nice to see the back of it though.

I get mixed feelings about 'girls' too. I hear a lot of men referring to them as 'girls', but I've hardly ever heard women say 'boys' (about the men)

I have only heard WPC being used by criminals, not sure about mainstream society.

I am teaching my daughter about all the things that women have done even if men told them they couldn’t. (ie Science, mechanics) We went to see that movie about Hedi Lamar (sp?).

That's reminded me - I'm reading the Little People Big Dreams books with DD(4) - some of them are a bit old for her but she loves the Coco Chanel one and the Amelia Earhart one and asks for them on repeat.

I complained to a pub about a security guard who thought it was okay to interrupt me and my sister walking PAST his place of work (note: not INTO) with a "joke" and an attempted fist bump. Also I informed my husband that I should not be expected to fist bump a random bloke who approaches me just because he MAY happen to find me attractive (doubtful - I think he was taking the piss). I am perfectly in my right to find it annoying and report him for unprofessional behaviour instead of having to be a "good sport".

Why swap gender for sex? Genuine question.

You do still see WPC in the press, but it's not used internally in the police (it used to be).
Personally I think if you don't know the sex of someone, then police officer is correct. If you do know the sex then I don't have a problem with policewoman or policeman but only in the same way as I would merrily call someone a woman, or a man rather than a person. Perhaps that's habit.
As someone above pointed out - it's not really relevant if the police officer is a man or a woman, so why mention it? but at the same time, I'd probably say 'there's a man at work' or 'a woman at work' in the process of telling a story, where again the sex doesn't really matter - it's just a bit of detail and I wouldn't say 'a person at work'. Just a personal habit I think.

I still believe the real reason terms like firefighter and police constable / officer came about was because they were traditionally called firemen and policemen, and we can no longer make that assumption, so non-gender specific terms were adopted. I think it's a byproduct that it also happens to omit irrelevant sex identification when you know it's a man or a woman.

I still say actress (habit) but I've seen a lot more 'actor' titles for females.
As far as I know, it's not offensive, but I could be wrong. I'd change that habit if people thought it was.

I've remembered another that I do:

When browsing on Amazon, if something is described as "for boys" due to gender stereotypes, I publicly ask the seller to alter the description, e.g. in the bit where you can ask a question. For example, I did this for a "boys'" duvet cover with planets on it.

Why swap gender for sex? Genuine question.
They used to be synonymous or at least I always thought they were, but recently there's been a growing distinction between the two. Quite what that distinction is though - that's a whole can of worms.

For me, sex is now biological makeup. Gender is this flippin' fluid interpretation about feelings and assumed pseudo-sex.
If I had my way, there would only be 'sex' and you can dress / act / feel as you please, but you can't change your sex - not until science does something revolutionary.

"Gender" used to just just be a polite way to refer to biological sex, without saying "sex"! But now it is used to described the stereotypes associated with the two biological sexes.

I rewrite my worksheets and exercises for maths lessons with female names as they are usually male names. I always address cards etc to people's names without titles. I try to buy my granddaughters toys which avoid the stereotypical girl expectations. I rarely tell them they are pretty etc even though they are. I try to use adjectives such as strong, clever, brave etc instead.

Micro feminism is an excellent resolution for 2019.

I have 8 yo dd correcting everyone that animals of unknown sex are more likely to be female as there are typically more females than males of any species.

It was remarkably quick to change the dcs' use of green man to green walker (and red stopper) and we've started using it with our Brownie pack too.

I spent three days over Christmas gently challenging some relations' sexist ideas about how 4 yo girls and boys are "so incredibly different". That one is the hardest slog...

Recent hospital admission I had to fill in online forms.
I ended up choosing the title Reverend as I consider myself someone who should be revered - or more precisely because it is gender neutral. I now tick prefer not to say when asked gender on anything that doesn’t allow me to cross off that word and write in ‘sex’. I rarely read novels or books written by men and am unlikely to purchase them.

I’ve tried as a parent to use she/her when referring to an animal or someone we have yet to meet - “look out for the conductor so we can make sure she sees us to get out the wheelchair ramp”.

I seek out female medical people (though I often find that I don’t have a choice - the female specialist I thought was good and helpful last year basically sacked me when my body deteriorated further, and the only 3 people who do a particular surgery locally are male).

Pre wheelchair I was very careful to not move out of the middle of the path when men walked towards me, which often almost led to collision because they clearly expected me to. I find that people generally do move out of the way of a chair and those that don’t can be shamed more easily.

I talk about the family and home belonging to the entire family. And highlight regularly for my children that my current inability to hold down a job does not make my husband the person doing all the work of holding our family together. And that ALL need to carry responsibility. Lucky in some ways that my daughter is autistic and very good at disappearing when housework is apparent so my 3 boys have a basic expectation that keeping the house nice is on all of us.

When talking to wee girls, resist the urge (harder than expected) to comment on their appearance (that's a pretty dress, lovely shoes) to make them feel good about themselves, ask them about what they DO, what they've been doing or plan to do and get excited about that with them. It ends up being more fun and is better for their image of self esteem to be based on what they do not what they look like.

My nieces love books about strong girls having adventures and I love to get them such for Christmas. Also fairy tales re-told with the women taking control of their destiny. When we left DGPs on Christmas Day, eldest niece was flopped on the sofa engrossed in that one.

Oh yes, blanket age 6 party present this year has been a Galt science set irrespective of child's sex. (Ps they are cheaper in sept and Oct then go up by 2-3 quid on amazon in Nov and Dec )

I also now just pick colourful paper (though I always did but used to feel bad for not choosing pink as I knew many girls liked it - or have been conditioned to like it - but now I don't.)

When I am watching a film with DH and/or teenage DS I call out age differences between main husband and wives. For example:

Hereditary - Toni Collette (46)
Gabriel Byrne (68)

Mother!
Jennifer Lawrence (28)
Javier Bardem (49)

I was pleased for once that a film, Birdbox, cast Sandra Bullock (54) alongside on screen love interest Trevante Rhodes (28) although the film makes reference to the age gap, though seldom does the other way round. Plus, Sandra is very attractive and does not look 54.

www.indiewire.com/2015/06/study-how-much-older-are-male-leads-in-romantic-films-than-their-female-co-stars-203535/

Going back up the thread a bit, on the meanings of gender and sex, I think it has always been sex=biology, gender=culture. This was certainly the approach in academia when I was studying in the 1990s.

I think everyday usage has increasingly moved towards them becoming synonymous, possibly due to a squeamishness around the word "sex".

I, and many on this board, think it's important to retain a distinction between sex and gender.

When I raise the issue with people who aren't immersed in the debates around trans issues etc I am usually met with bemusement as they are convinced sex and gender mean the same thing.

For some in the trans movement I think the aim is to flip the meanings so that sex=culture and gender=biology. Or even to end the use of the word (and concept) of sex entirely so we are left only with gender.

It is only by doing that that it is logically possible to say "trans women are women".

When talking to wee girls, resist the urge (harder than expected) to comment on their appearance (that's a pretty dress, lovely shoes) to make them feel good about themselves, ask them about what they DO, what they've been doing or plan to do and get excited about that with them. It ends up being more fun and is better for their image of self esteem to be based on what they do not what they look like.

I agree with this.

I will soon have a new DNiece who already has a cupboard of Princess themed apparel. I’m going to look for something that says future scientist!

policewoman
I think you'll find that high ranking police officers who are female disagree with you.
I try and do the presents (and I'll give boys things in girly bags or even with a tinge of pink on the present). Lego classic not Lego Friends.
Pointing out some unfairness. I should point out stereotypes too. I tried to point out that so few children's TV characters are female (two favourites here are Paw Patrol and Octonauts) but the DC didn't get it. DH does.

I work in school admin and occasionally help out in the medical room. When we have a sick child I often ring the dad first. With frequent hilarious consequences I might add.

I need it dumbed down even further. What is sex vs gender?

Sex is observable and matters, especially for medical things (which seem to be the most common place for "gender" to intrude).
Gender is imposed by society.

HandsOff it is possible to be attractive at 54 you know! You look different than you did at 28 but still attractive